Church marriage. Marriage and the family in Orthodoxy: an overview of church doctrine What is marriage in Orthodoxy

Marriage is a social and, in particular, a legal institution, consisting in a long-term union of male and female persons, which forms the basis of the family.
Orthodox Encyclopedia, vol. VI, p. 146

The history of mankind knows different forms marriages: monogamous (marriage of one husband and one wife), polygamous (polygamy) and polyandrous (marriage of one wife with several husbands, such marriages are rare). Christian tradition recognizes marriage only as a monogamous union.

"And they shall be one flesh..."

The Digests of Emperor Justinian, a Byzantine collection of laws, contains a definition of marriage given by the Roman jurist Modestinus (3rd century): "Marriage is the union of a man and a woman, the communion of life, participation in divine and human law." The Christian Church, taking it from Roman law, gave it a Christian interpretation based on the testimony of Holy Scripture. Included in the canonical collections of the Orthodox Church and thus adapted and sanctioned by it, it acquired ecclesiastical authority. This definition refers to the main properties of marriage: physical (monogamous union of persons of different sexes), ethical ("communion of life" - communication in all life relations) and religious-legal ("complicity in divine and human law").

In accordance with Christian doctrine, the marriage union is an institution of God. As a law, it is laid down in the very constitution of man: "And God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27).

Marriage was established in Paradise, before the fall of man: “And the Lord God said: It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a helper corresponding to him… And the Lord God created a wife from a rib taken from a man, and brought her to the man. And said the man, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2, 18:22-24).

The Lord Jesus Christ, referring to this blessing, teaches: “Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. "Not two, but one flesh" indicates the constant metaphysical unity of the spouses. "That's why God calls her (wife) helper, to show that they are one," says St. John Chrysostom. Such a unity of a man and a woman is a mystery, it exceeds human understanding, therefore it can be understood only in comparison with the mystery of the Holy Trinity and the dogma of the Church. In marriage, a person becomes an image of the supra-individual, one in essence, but trinity in the persons of God.

God is always present here, the Holy Scripture testifies to this: God brings the wife to Adam (Gen. 2, 22); God's wife is "predestined for you from the beginning" (Tov. 6:18); "The Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth" (Mal. 2:14); marriage is a "covenant of God" (Prov. 2:17); God combined husband and wife (Matthew 19:6); marriage, according to the apostle Paul, should be "only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7, 39; 11, 11).

The Fathers and Doctors of the Church emphasized the idea of ​​the presence of God Himself in marriage. Tertullian taught: "The Lord ... abides with them (Christian husband and wife) together." And St. Gregory the Theologian in his writings pointed out that God is "the Creator of marriage". The thirteenth canon of the Council of Trullo says: marriage is "established by God and blessed by Him at his coming."

The image of the union of Christ and the Church

Marriage relationships are built on a feeling of satisfied love, and therefore on a feeling of fullness and bliss. The union of the primordial couple, by the will of God, was monogamous "there will be [two] one flesh", for only in it is the full manifestation of the mutual closeness of the spouses possible. Marriage is the mystery of the Kingdom of God, leading a person into eternal joy and eternal love. Freely accepting what God gives him, a person through this Sacrament, which opens the way to salvation, to true life, participates in the high reality of the Holy Spirit. Marriage is holy, "for the will of God is your sanctification" - teaches the Apostle Paul (1 Thess. 4, 3.) and is indissoluble, since its destruction leads to the destruction of the fullness of human nature.

The Apostle Paul's teaching on marriage is closely related to his teaching on the Church. The apostle calls Christian families "house churches" (Rom. 16:4; 1 Cor. 16:19; Col. 4:15; Philm. 2). In accordance with this, Christian marriage is a sacrament that unites husband and wife in the image of the mysterious union of Christ with His Church for the full indivisible communion of life and brings down upon them the gifts of God's grace. In Ephesians, the apostle Paul wrote: “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself up for her... Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. to the Church. Thus, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife fear (her) husband" (Eph. 5:22-25, 31-33). “It is good for a wife to honor Christ in the person of her husband, and it is good for a husband not to dishonor the Church in the person of his wife,” says St. Gregory the Theologian. Marriage, according to St. John Chrysostom, is "a mysterious image of the Church and Christ." This image plays a key role in Holy Scripture. The relationship between God and the Old Testament Church is usually depicted in the images of marriage, the Bridegroom and the Bride, the Husband and the Wife (Is. 49:18; 54:1-6; 61:10; 62:5; Ezek. 16:8; Hos. 2:19 ; 3, 1, etc.). In the New Testament, Christ speaks of Himself as the Bridegroom - (Matt. 9:15; 22:2-14; 25:1-13; Luke 12:35-36; Rev. 19:7-9; 21:2) . John the Baptist calls Him the Bridegroom (John 3:29), the Church appears to Him in the form of His Bride, Wife (2 Cor. 11:2; Eph. 5:25-32; Rev. 18:23; 19:7 -8; 21, 2, 9; 22, 16-17); in the parable of the Lord Jesus Christ, the kingdom of heaven is presented as a wedding feast (Matthew 22:2-14).

The crown is a sign of the feat of patience

According to Holy Tradition, marriages have been performed in the Church since its very origin (Eph. 5:22-24; 1 Cor. 7:39). Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian, John Chrysostom, Hieromartyr Methodius of Patara, and other Fathers of the Church bear witness to the priestly blessing of marriage in the Ancient Church. The performers of the rites of the Sacrament of Marriage are the bishop or presbyter. The bride and groom before the priest, and in his person before the Church, make a free promise in mutual marital fidelity. The priest asks them from God for grace-filled help in everything and blessing for the birth and Christian upbringing of children.

When the ceremony is performed, crowns are laid on the spouses (therefore, the Sacrament of Marriage is also called the Wedding), which has several meanings. On the one hand, this is the reward of the Holy Church for the preservation of chastity before marriage and a sign that the bride and groom are worthy of the purity of soul and body to receive the grace of the sacrament. On the other hand, the crowns are also a sign of achievement, the achievement of patience and condescension to each other's infirmities. Finally, they are also laid as a symbol of the fullness of the fulfillment in marriage of the commandments of Christ about mutual love, mutual service and the fullness of self-denial.

Highly appreciating the feat of voluntary chaste celibacy, accepted for the sake of Christ and the Gospel, and recognizing the special role of monasticism in her life, the Church never treated marriage with disdain and condemned those who, out of a falsely understood desire for purity, humiliated marital relations. The 51st Canon of the Apostles says: "Whoever, a bishop, or a presbyter, or a deacon, or in general from the holy office, retires from marriage... , creating a man, a man and a wife, he created them, and thus, blaspheming, slanders the creation: either let it be corrected, or let it be expelled from the sacred rank, and rejected from the Church.

Hieromartyr Ignatius the God-bearer says that Christian marriage is performed "for the glory of God." “Marriage is sacred,” writes Clement of Alexandria, “and, according to the commandments of the Divine Word, it is perfect if the marriage couple is obedient to the will of God.” "... I consider virginity much more venerable than marriage; and yet, because of this, I do not put marriage among the bad deeds, but I even praise it very much," remarks St. John Chrysostom.

The religious and moral principle is the basis of Christian marriage; its other elements are subordinate to it: natural, social, legal. The moral content of marriage lies, according to the teachings of the Apostle Peter, in self-sacrifice: “Likewise, you wives, obey your husbands, so that those of them who do not obey the word, by the life of their wives without a word, will be acquired when they see your pure, God-fearing life. May it be your adornment outer weave hair, not golden headdresses or finery in clothes, but a man hidden in the heart in the imperishable beauty of a meek and silent spirit, which is precious in the sight of God ... Likewise, you husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with a weaker vessel, showing them honor, as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Pet. 3:1-4,7).

God's love that unites hearts

The main goal of marriage cannot be outside of itself, since the highest goal of human existence is to achieve unity with God, god-likeness. In marriage, spouses are elevated by God to the level of an outlier, supra-individual being. “In marriage, souls are united with God by some kind of inexpressible union,” says St. John Chrysostom.

Union is created by love: the love of God unites the parties in marriage, those who are married are united by love in God and through God. "Love, wholly directed towards God," according to Abba Thalassia, "unites those who love with God and with each other." “Marriage love is the strongest type of love,” St. John Chrysostom believes, “other attractions are also strong, but this attraction has such strength that it never weakens. And in the next century, faithful spouses will fearlessly meet and will abide forever with Christ and with each other in great joy." The Word of God requires of spouses that their love should be like the love of Christ for His Church, Who "gave Himself for her to sanctify her" (Eph. 5:25).

From this it follows that moral dignity can be recognized for a single, lifelong marriage. The second and third marriages, allowed by the Church for the laity, are considered as some kind of imperfection in the life of a Christian and are blessed by her in condescension to human weakness and for protection from fornication. The Apostle Paul, believing in the power of Christian love, allowed divorce in a mixed marriage for the non-Christian side and forbade it for the Christian side, whose love should sanctify the non-Christian side as well (1 Cor. 7:12-14).

Mutual completion in the marriage union also serves to help in the salvation of the husband and wife. The personality and properties of one spouse are replenished by the personality and properties of the other, and thereby determine the harmonious disclosure of their spiritual strengths and abilities.

"In marriage, complete knowledge of a person is possible - a miracle of feeling, seeing someone else's personality. That is why before marriage a person glides over life, observes it from the outside, and only in marriage plunges into life, entering it through another person. This is the enjoyment of real knowledge and real life gives that feeling of completed fullness and satisfaction that makes us richer and wiser... Marriage is a dedication, a mystery. It contains a complete change in a person, an expansion of his personality, new eyes, a new sense of life, a birth through him into the world in a new fullness, "wrote the archpriest Alexander Elchaninov.

The rest of heaven on earth

The next purpose of marriage, which is indicated by Holy Scripture and Holy Tradition, is the birth and upbringing of children. "When marriage is actually marriage and marital union, and the desire to leave behind children, then, - according to St. Gregory the Theologian, - marriage is good, for it multiplies the number of those who please God." According to St. John Chrysostom, marriage was established by God in order to make up for the loss of people caused by sin and death. From now on, spouses need to constantly remember that they no longer have personal freedom, they no longer have their own life, their own interests, their sadness or joy. Everything must be shared, everything must be given to another. When the family increases, children appear, then the fullness of selflessness increases even more. For the wife and mother, as well as for the husband and father, there is no longer their own life - but there is only the life of a spouse and children.

What does it cost parents, and especially mothers, to raise and educate children! And if they fulfill this duty according to the commandments of Christ, then by doing so they fulfill the greatest destiny of man and ensure a bright lot for themselves in the Kingdom of Heaven - they provide those crowns that, as a preliminary gift, the Church gives them as a reward at marriage.

Here it seems appropriate to recall one poem, naive in form, but profound in content:

When you come to heaven's door
And the bright angel will ask
How was your whole earthly life,
You will answer him: I am a mother.
And quickly he will retreat from the threshold,
To bring you into a bright paradise,
Only they know in heaven with God,
What can a mother bear.

But even a marriage left without offspring is recognized by the Orthodox Church as legal.
Another purpose of marriage, which the Holy Scriptures and the holy fathers speak of, is protection from debauchery and the preservation of chastity. “Marriage is given for childbearing,” writes the Chrysostom teacher, “and even more so for extinguishing the natural flame. The Apostle Paul is a witness to this: “But, in order to avoid fornication, each one should have his own wife, and each one should have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7, 2 ).

These are the establishment and goals of marriage as the beginning of a family - a small church. According to the biblical view, shared mainly by all mankind, marriage and the family are the remnants of paradise on earth, this is the oasis that was not destroyed by the great world catastrophes, was not defiled by the sin of the first people, was not flooded by the waves of the global flood. This is a shrine that we ourselves must not only keep clean, but also teach our children to do so.

Priest
Alexander MATRUK

Orthodox marriage

Orthodox teaching about the sacrament of marriage The marriage union in the New Testament is elevated to the level of the great mystery of God; it is he who is the image of the union of Christ with the Church. But the union of Christ with the Church is full of grace and truth (John 1:14); is a union of grace, true; therefore, the marriage union must be considered full of grace, i.e. a union to which the grace of the Holy Spirit is sent from God and which is therefore a true union. On this basis, a marriage union is concluded not only one parental blessing or the desire of the newlyweds, but with the blessing of the Church, through the pastors appointed in the Church, a special sacrament is performed on the newlyweds - the sacrament of marriage - to teach them the grace of the Holy Spirit.
Christian marriage is holy and spiritual, just as the union of Christ with the Church is holy. Therefore, the Apostle Paul says: “Let marriage be honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:4), and command Christian spouses: “God’s will is your sanctification, that you refrain from fornication; so that each of you knows how to keep his vessel in holiness and honor, and not in the passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God ”(1 Thess. 4, 3-5).
Marriage must be indissoluble: “What God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6), of course, arbitrarily. The only sufficient reason for divorce is adultery; but even in this case the husband and wife are divorced only by the authority of the Church herself through her lawful shepherds, i.e. the power that combined them, for only to the apostles and their successors did the Savior give the power to bind and loose people (Matt. 18:18). Any other divorce, apart from the Church, is condemned by the words: "What God has joined together, let no man separate."
What is the purpose of the divine establishment of marriage?
Firstly, the multiplication and preservation of the Christian race, as can be seen from the words of God Himself, who blessed the first people: “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Gen. 1, 27-28).
Secondly, the mutual assistance of the spouses in this life: “And God said: It is not good for the man to be alone, let us make him a helper for him” (Genesis 2:18).
Thirdly, the curbing of the sinful lusts of man and the disordered inclinations of his sensuality. The apostle points to this purpose of marriage when he says: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman, but, in order to avoid fornication, each one should have his own wife, and each one should have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7, 1-2).
The last and most important duty placed on Christian spouses by the sacrament of marriage is the preparation of both themselves and their children, if God pleases to grant them, for the life to come, for future eternal bliss. Each of us knows that only true piety can make a person happy both in this life and in the future. This can easily be achieved by people united by a marriage union, if they, having mutual love among themselves, at the same time love the Lord God more than anything; if the fulfillment of the commandments of God is preferred to everything; if by their example they encourage one another to patience; if they help each other in the passage of the narrow path of virtues. Especially parents should consider it a great and sacred duty to take care of the upbringing of their children in the spirit of Christian piety; otherwise, having become the culprits of their temporal life, they can easily become the culprits of their eternal destruction. It is not enough for Christian parents to be pious themselves: it is necessary that their children equally love God and be pious. Especially in the religious and moral education of children, the influence of the mother is indispensable.
Orthodoxy is not just a duty that we perform on Sunday morning and forget about when we leave the church; Orthodoxy is a way of life. And the way of life includes the totality of habits and attitudes, thoughts and actions; it is a lifestyle and a way of life. For us Orthodox, Christianity is our daily bread and, like a fish in water, we must live in faith. As followers of Christ, we should be drawn to Him and His Church, and not to the ideals of the modern world.
Most of us, Orthodox Christians, do not live in monasteries, where the whole way of life is in the spirit of Orthodoxy, but we have a family, a house, children, work. At the same time, many Orthodox laity fall into error, believing that they are not required to follow Christ as selflessly as monastics. This, of course, is not so: all Christians, whether they have chosen the monastic way of life or not, are called by Christ to repentance and eternal life. There are no "classes" among Orthodox Christians, but they are all equal and must be followers of Christ, regardless of their position in the Church.
However, it is very difficult for us, the laity, to lead a Christian way of life from day to day, for we constantly find ourselves in a society not only not Christian, but often more and more hostile to the Christian faith. But this should not discourage us, because Christ Himself spoke about this: “Behold, I am sending you like sheep among wolves: and so be wise as serpents and simple as doves” (Matt. 10, 16).
Marriage and family life, established by the blessing of God for the salvation of all family members, is a firm bulwark for Orthodox laity under these conditions. To better understand this, let's look at the canonical foundations of marriage found in Holy Scripture and kept in Holy Tradition.
Views on Marriage in the Old and New Testaments When we read about marriage, family life, and procreation in the Old Testament, it is immediately evident that the main thing here is the preservation of the Jewish people, the endless genealogies that we find in Scripture. However, at that time marriage was not the only way to procreate. Children were also born from concubines, and besides, there was a custom to marry a brother's widow, even if she became a second wife (wife). There are many references to several wives and concubines in the Old Testament. Such concern for procreation today seems to us superfluous. However, the purpose of such polygamy was not at all the satisfaction of carnal lust, but the desire to have heirs. In the Old Testament we will not find any indulgence of God to debauchery, just as there is no such indulgence even now. Even in the Old Testament times, God began to reveal His will to man. We see that God condemns polygamy, concubines, and the law of wives. The meaning of marriage is increasingly becoming not procreation, but higher, spiritual values. Finally, God made His will clear in punishing the wicked. To us, who consider ourselves highly enlightened modern people, these punishments may seem excessively severe. But with them, God showed that it was He who was the source of life, and not the physical union of a man and a woman. And where God is, everything is mysterious and holy. The reproduction and continuation of life cannot but be a sacrament. And holiness and the sacrament should be preserved and protected from blasphemy, impurity and irreverent treatment. The way God dealt with promiscuity and perversion in the Old Testament shows that marriage is a wondrous and holy sacrament - so holy and mysterious that any promiscuity is abominable before God and must be avoided at all costs. With the coming of Christ, the main purpose of marriage ceases to be offspring and procreation, although this still remains an important component of it. But Christ came into the world and brought the guarantee of the resurrection of the dead and eternal life, giving Christian marriage a new goal - the acquisition of eternal life by spouses and children.
The rite of Orthodox marriage begins with the words “Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and forever and ever. Amen". These words emphasize the importance of marriage and immediately indicate its purpose. According to church canons, Christians who marry outside the Church are excommunicated from church sacraments. To some, this seems incomprehensible and overly strict. But let us ask then: “What makes a marriage valid? What gives marriage spiritual meaning? Unlike marriage ceremonies in most non-Orthodox churches, in the Orthodox Church, marriage is not a contract - as if a legal agreement listing the mutual obligations of the parties. Orthodox marriage is rather the creation by two people of a small, family church to worship the True God and to save the soul. This family church is subordinate to the Church of Christ. As St. Basil the Great, marry naturally, but marriage must be supernatural, must become a good yoke, which spouses voluntarily bear for the Church.
This shows that in the New Testament the main goal of marriage is no longer procreation, but the salvation of the soul, and the rite of marriage itself contains many symbols that explain this goal.
The Responsibilities of a Husband A husband is the head of a wife... We know that any institution or organization—be it a Church, a parish, a monastery, or, in the world, a bank, a corporation, or a school—should have a head, a leader. The same applies to a successful marriage, for the family is also an organization, an organization spiritual and physical. According to Holy Scripture and Holy Tradition, the husband is the head of marriage. Let us recall once again the Apostle Paul: "The husband is the head of the wife...". The husband, being the head, personifies the principle of power in the family. Just as the priest is the spiritual head of the parish and is responsible before God for the parishioners, being the spiritual authority in the parish, so the husband is the priest in the family and is responsible for the course of family life.
This does not mean that the husband is better or higher than the wife. Before Christ all are equal; there are no men or women. Marriage is an equal union. Once again, let us make a reservation: in Orthodoxy there is no place for any kind of chauvinism. The fact that the husband is the head of the family does not give him the right to be a dictator, tyrant, judge or absolute power over his wife and children. But, like any high position, the position of the head of the family involves certain duties, difficult and difficult, but at the same time interesting and promising. Scripture says that a husband must love his wife, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:25). Most Christian husbands have little idea of ​​what kind of love is being referred to here. In the world, the word "love" usually means carnal love, or sentimental, romantic. This has nothing to do with the Christian understanding of love. Let us remember the words of Christ to the disciples that there is no higher love than to lay down one's soul for one's neighbor. Therefore, from a Christian point of view, love implies sacrifice and self-denial. A husband should show as much care, attention, guardianship and tenderness towards his wife as Christ shows towards the Church. The husband must be ready even to sacrifice his life for the sake of his wife, as Christ gave His life for the Church. Let us recall again the Apostle Paul, who says that the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church. We know that the head of the Church, Christ, washed the feet of His disciples. Our Savior showed by this what it means to be the head - it means to serve, to excel in love, understanding and patience, to protect and protect your family. It is to this primacy that the husband is called, and only in this case can he be a true husband and a real man, true to his nature given from above.
A reasonable wife wants to see her husband in this way, and will not strive for a dominant position. Psychologists say that women have a deep dislike for men who give them the dominant position in the family or allow them to take it.
It is the husband's duty to love his wife and children and prevent him from intimidating his wife into treating her like a servant, which often happens. Here is what St. John Chrysostom: “Truly, can you keep a servant with fear? And you can't keep him, because he will soon leave you. But the life partner, the mother of her children, the source of all joys, is not worthy to be fettered by fear and threats, but to be tied with love and good disposition. What kind of union is it when a wife trembles before her husband? And what is the joy of a husband to live with his wife as a slave? Even if you endure much from her, do not be angry with her, just as Christ is not angry with the Church.
Men, husbands, true love begins when we give ourselves to others. We begin to love—in the Christian sense—when we begin to give. Someone came to St. John Chrysostom with a complaint that his wife does not love him. The saint replied: "Go home and love her." "You don't understand," said the man. How can I love her if she doesn't love me? “Go home and love her,” repeated the saint. And he was right. If there is no love, to find it you have to love yourself.
Men often complain to priests that their wives don't love them. And then the priest learns that a man does nothing to be loved, just waiting for love, like some kind of idol, waiting for sacrifice and worship. Such husbands should understand that the only way to earn the love of a spouse is to love yourself, because in life we ​​usually get in return what we give ourselves: hatred for hate, love for love.
The Church Fathers say that Christian husbands should love their wives more than their worldly duties, for there is no greater success than a happy family, and if something goes wrong in the family, then all other achievements lose their meaning. Our families deserve the best. Today, there are too many of us who give all the best to the world, and leave all the bad for home, which is why the Church Fathers teach us to value the company of our wives above all else, and prefer to be at home with them than at work. Husbands also do well to remember the words of our contemporary, André Maurois: “I made a choice for life; From now on, my goal is not to look for someone who is pleasing to me, but to please the one whom I have chosen ... "

Duties of a Wife The Apostle Paul says: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord... But just as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).
In today's society, especially here in America, and especially in the media - movies, television, magazines and books - the spirit of obedience is presented as something deserving of contempt. Instead, we are called on every corner to do our own thing, to choose the best, to satisfy all our whims and desires. But, as we have said, Orthodox marriage is not part of a secular, secular society. His goals and those of society are not just at odds, they are diametrically opposed. The goal of Christian marriage is eternal life with Jesus Christ in the Kingdom of Heaven, and the goal of worldly society is enjoyment, all kinds of pleasures, self-justification and self-will.
However, Holy Scripture and Holy Tradition reveal to us that obedience is the beginning of Christian perfection, that submission and obedience contribute to the acquisition of other virtues. On the other hand, self-will kindles the passion of pride and gradually alienates the individual from the Christian way of thinking and living. That is why the wife, as the pivot on which the whole family rests, and as the teacher of virtues for her children, is assigned this most difficult duty - obedience. Christ Himself set an example of perfect obedience, for in His obedience to the will of the Father He gave Himself up for us to suffering and death, and led us from sin to freedom and salvation.
From time to time we see families where the husband is "under the heel" of his wife. What do we usually mean by using this crude expression? We mean that the wife took the leading position in the family and began to control the husband. It happens when the husband is too weak, too self-absorbed, or too busy to do all his duties; sometimes it happens that the wife herself strives for power because of her spiritual or emotional inclinations. In the latter case, a woman, as a rule, shows her imperious and aggressive character both in the family and outside the home. Such a woman is deprived of the very foundations of femininity: kindness, modesty and tenderness. In this case, the relationship of hopelessness, disappointment, disagreement and even anger reign in the family. The first thing a priest should do when seeing such spouses is to try to convince the husband to take the place of the head of the family and find a way to persuade the wife to give up some of the power that is not rightfully hers. It should be understood that the roles of husband and wife are not exclusive: sometimes the wife must demonstrate strength, and the husband must submit to his wife. In the most mature, spiritual families, the relationship of spouses turns into mutual obedience.

signs successful marriage Life experience tells us that when two people get married, they immediately begin to understand that there are a lot of differences between them. In practice, we don't know ourselves at all until we get married. We are too self-absorbed and we need someone else to help us see ourselves for who we really are. One of the advantages of a successful marriage is that the spouses are always ready to listen to each other, playing the role of a kind of house psychologist. We know how many emotional problems arise when a certain internal burden prevails over a person, which he has no one to share with. If the marriage is successful, the spouses confide their sorrows to each other, confident in mutual understanding, not trying to “save face”.
Marriage is not a missionary enterprise! There are enough complications in a marriage without each spouse trying to re-educate or remake the other. One of the most common and most serious misconceptions of young couples is to get married in the hope of changing the other.
True love excludes the imposition of oneself and the desire to remake the beloved, but calls for growth. How? First, by accepting the other person for who they are. When we get married, we do not commit to change our spouse, but we agree to love him for who he is. The best way to change a wife or husband is to change yourself, to correct your own shortcomings.
We consider infidelity the fact of adultery. But infidelity can also manifest itself in another way: when work, parents, hobbies, or anything else takes precedence over family. This is also infidelity. Anyone who is not ready to put marriage above career, parents, friends, leisure is not ready for marriage, and such a marriage will not be lasting.
If you fasten the first button of your jacket correctly, the rest will fall into place behind it. But if the first button gets into the wrong loop, everything will go awry. So it is in marriage: you need to correctly set priorities and put everything in order. Husbands, if your wife comes first for you, and husbands come first for you, your wife, everything will fall into place in your marriage.
There are many signs of a successful marriage, but in my opinion, three are the most important:
1. Praise. No marriage can be successful if the spouses do not value each other. Everyone needs encouragement from time to time, and nothing kills love faster than constant reproaches. When we, husbands and wives, encourage each other—whether on a serious occasion or not—we are letting the spouse know that we love and appreciate him or her. Mutual encouragement strengthens marriage, and this is what is most lacking in today's families.
2. Forgiveness. There can be no forgiveness happy marriage. When couples ask me, "Do you think we can save our marriage?" I always answer, "Yes, if you're willing to forgive each other." And such forgiveness is required not only in crisis moments of family life, but every day. IN good families spouses constantly ask each other for forgiveness. If we do not do this, the wounds we inflict will not heal. And then we begin to grow cold and move away from each other, not receiving the grace of God that is given to those spouses who know how to forgive.
3. Time . It takes time to create a good family, you cannot create it in one day. The family must grow up, this process is long and difficult and, like all good things in life, is given by effort and labor. If you are about to get married, remember that we live in an instant gratification society and are trained to get everything at once, immediately. It is our impatience that has the most destructive effect on marriage. If we do not show sufficient tolerance for each other, if we are not willing to spend many years creating a family, our marriage is doomed.

THE MYSTERY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Marriage is a sacrament in which, with a free, before the priest and the Church, the bride and groom promise mutual fidelity, their marital union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and they ask for the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children.

(Orthodox catechism)

Christian marriage is a lifelong union of a man and a woman, sanctified by the Church and based on mutual love.

This is not just an image, custom or tradition, but a Sacrament in which spouses from God through the clergy receive special grace-filled power and the ability to keep love, marital fidelity, patience. And many people know from their own experience that actually human forces are not enough for this.

Of course, the Sacrament is not, so to speak, an automatic guarantee. A sincere desire is required from a person, an intention coming from the heart to deify his marriage, to live a good life ...

Marriage is enlightenment and, at the same time, a mystery. It is the transformation of man, the expansion of his personality. A person acquires a new vision, a new sense of life, is born into the world in a new fullness. Only in Marriage is possible a complete knowledge of a person, a vision of another person. This knowledge and life gives that feeling of completed fullness and satisfaction, which makes us richer and wiser.

The all-merciful God created the earthly man from the ashes and, endowing him with the eternal breath of life, made him master over the earthly creation. According to His all-good plan, the Lord created his wife, Eve, from Adam's rib, so that she would be his helper and that they, being two, would be one flesh (Gen. 2.18, 21-24).

And God blessed them, and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over all creatures (Genesis 1:28). And they remained in Eden until the fall, when, having transgressed the commandment, tempted by the crafty tempter, they were expelled from paradise. By the good judgment of the Creator, Eve became a companion on the difficult earthly path of Adam, and through her painful childbearing, she became the foremother of the human race. The first human couple, having received from God the promise of the Redeemer of mankind and the Trampling of the head of the enemy (Gen. 3, 15), was also the first guardian of the saving tradition, which then, in the offspring of Seth, passed in a life-giving mysterious stream from generation to generation, indicating the expected coming Savior.

The Lord Jesus Christ, who came to earth, among other things, in order to revive the moral principles established by God in human society, took care of the restoration of the marriage union. By His presence at the marriage in Cana of Galilee, the Lord blessed, sanctified the marriage, and it was on it that He performed His first miracle.

Somewhat later, the Lord explains to the Jews the true meaning of marriage. Referring to the words of Scripture about the unity of husband and wife, the Lord in the most decisive form confirms the fundamental indissolubility of marriage, saying: “So they (husband and wife) are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has joined together, let no man separate!” The Sadducees continue to ask the Savior: “How did Moses command to give a bill of divorce and divorce her? ” To which the Lord answers them like this: “Moses, because of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so; but I say to you, whoever divorces his wife not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:3-9). In other words, a person, having entered into marriage, is obliged to stay in it. Violation of marital fidelity is a violation of the will of God and therefore a grave sin.

Marriage is a great sacred thing and a salvific state of human life with the right attitude towards it. Marriage is the foundation of the family. The family is the small Church of Christ. The family is the meaning and purpose of marriage. The modern fear of the family, the fear of having children, is a consequence of cowardice, a source of dissatisfaction and longing in marriage. The Christian upbringing of children constitutes the task and joy of the family, and gives meaning and justification to marriage.

But even with the childlessness of the spouses, marriage does not lose its meaning, making it easier for the spouses, with mutual love and mutual help, to walk the path of Christian life. The Apostle Peter in his First Epistle instructs wives to imitate the lives of ancient righteous wives, to be an example of meekness; He instructs husbands to deal prudently with their wives, as with a weak vessel, showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life (1 Pet. 3, 7).

The Apostle Paul in his First Epistle to the Corinthians writes about marriage vows:

“To those who have entered into marriage, it is not I who command, but the Lord: a wife should not divorce her husband, if she divorces, she must remain celibate, or be reconciled with her husband, and the husband must not leave his wife. To the rest, I say, and not the Lord: if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband, and he agrees to live with her, must not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, but the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband. Otherwise your children would have been unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Cor. 7-14).

The secret of the happiness of Christian spouses lies in the joint fulfillment of the will of God, which unites their souls among themselves and with Christ. At the basis of this happiness is the desire for a higher, common object of love for them - Christ - who attracts everything to himself (John 12, 32). Then the whole family life will be directed towards Him, and the union of those who are united will be strengthened. And without love for the Savior, no union is lasting, because neither in mutual attraction, nor in common tastes, nor in common earthly interests, not only does a true and lasting connection exist, but, on the contrary, often all these values ​​suddenly begin to serve as separation. The Christian marriage union has the deepest spiritual foundation, which neither bodily communion possesses, for the body is subject to disease and aging, nor the life of feelings, which is changeable by its nature, nor community in the field of common worldly interests and activities, "for the image of this world is passing away" (1 Corinthians 7:31). life path a Christian married couple can be likened to the rotation of the Earth with its constant satellite, the Moon, around the Sun. Christ is the Sun of righteousness, warming His children and shining for them in the darkness.

“Glorious is the yoke of two believers,” says Tertullian, “having the same hope, living by the same rules, serving the One Lord. Together they pray, fast together, mutually teach and exhort each other. Together they are in the Church, together at the Lord's Supper, together in sorrows and persecutions, in repentance and joy. They are pleasing to Christ, and He sends down upon them His peace. And where there are two in His name, there is no place for any evil.”

In the sacrament of marriage, the bride and groom, united by love and mutual consent, receive the grace of God, sanctifying their marriage in the form of the union of Christ with the Church for marital happiness, for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children. Through this grace, marriage becomes honorable and the marriage bed undefiled (Heb. 13:4). Lighted candles are given to the bride and groom as a sign of the sanctity of marriage. Taken from St. the throne rings and are placed on the hands of the spouses as a sign of their mutual consent; the purity of their lives is three times crowned with church crowns: “O Lord our God! Crown them with glory and honor." In memory of the first miracle performed by the Lord Jesus Christ at the marriage in Cana of Galilee, the spouses are given 3 times to drink wine from one cup, so that they share joy and sorrow among themselves in the same way, and together carry the cross of life. Finally, three times in the name of the Most Holy Trinity, the couple are circled around the lectern with the “image of a circle”, marking this indissolubility, the eternity of the marriage union, since the circle means eternity: “what God has combined, let no man separate” (Matt. 19, 6), which is also prevented by the holiness of the marriage union, since the husband is united with his wife just as indissolubly, subject to the fidelity of the spouses, as Christ is with the Church (Eph. 5, 23-25), therefore St. app. Paul also calls marriage a “great mystery” (Eph. 5:32), therefore, on the other hand, according to the word of the Lord (Matt. 19:9), adultery serves as a basis for divorce, because through the unfaithfulness of one of the spouses, the sanctity of marriage is violated, he defiled and it is difficult to restore its strength, as in a once broken vessel.

THE HISTORY OF THE MARRIAGE RITE

The marriage ceremony has its own ancient history. Even in the patriarchal period, marriage was considered a special institution, but little is known about the marriage rites of that time. From the history of Isaac's marriage to Rebekah, we know that he offered gifts to his bride, that Eleazar consulted with Rebekah's father regarding her marriage, and then a wedding feast was held. In later times of Israel's history, marriage ceremonies developed considerably. Adhering to the patriarchal custom, the groom in the presence of strangers had to first of all offer the bride a gift, usually consisting of silver coins. Then they proceeded to conclude a marriage contract, which determined the mutual obligations of the future husband and wife. At the end of these preliminary acts, a solemn blessing of the spouses followed. For this, a special tent was arranged in the open air: the bridegroom appeared here, accompanied by several men, whom the Evangelist Luke calls "bridal sons", and the Evangelist John - "the bridegroom's friends." The bride was accompanied by women. Here they were greeted with a greeting: "Blessed be everyone who comes here!" Then the bride was circled three times around the groom and placed on his right side. Women covered the bride with a thick veil. Then all those present turned towards the east; the groom took the bride by the hands and they accepted ritual good wishes from the guests. The rabbi would come, cover the bride with a sacred veil, take a cup of wine in his hand and pronounce the formula of the marriage blessing.

The bride and groom drank from this cup. After that, the groom took Golden ring and he himself put it on the bride's index finger, saying at the same time: "Remember that you were combined with me according to the law of Moses." Next, the marriage contract was read in the presence of witnesses and the rabbi, who, holding another cup of wine in his hands, pronounced seven blessings. The newlyweds again drank wine from this cup. At the same time, the groom broke the first bowl, which he had previously held in his hand, against the wall if the bride was a maiden, or on the ground if she was a widow. This rite was supposed to remind of the destruction of Jerusalem. After that, the tent in which the marriage ceremony took place was removed and the marriage feast began - the wedding. The feast lasted seven days, in memory of the fact that Laban once made Jacob work in his house for seven years for Leah and seven years for Rachel. During this seven-day period, the groom had to hand over the dowry to the bride and thus fulfill the marriage contract.

When comparing the ancient marriage ceremony with the Christian one, a number of similar points are striking, but the main thing is that in the Christian order of Marriage there are constant references to the Old Testament righteous and prophets: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Moses and Zipporah. Apparently, before the compiler of the Christian order stood the image of the Old Testament Marriage. Another influence that the Christian marriage ceremony has undergone in the process of formation has its origin in the Greco-Roman tradition. In Christianity, Marriage has been blessed since apostolic times. Church writer of the III century. Tertullian says: “How to depict the happiness of Marriage, approved by the Church, sanctified by her prayers, blessed by God!”

The marriage ceremony in ancient times was preceded by betrothal, which was a civil act and was performed in accordance with local customs and regulations, as far as, of course, this was possible for Christians. The betrothal was performed solemnly in the presence of many witnesses who sealed the marriage contract. The latter was an official document that determined the property and legal relationship of the spouses. The betrothal was accompanied by the ceremony of joining the hands of the bride and groom, in addition, the groom gave the bride a ring that was made of iron, silver or gold - depending on the wealth of the groom. Clement, Bishop of Alexandria, in the second chapter of his "Pedagogue" says: "A man should give a woman a golden ring, not for her external adornment, but in order to put a seal on the household, which from then on passes into her disposal and is entrusted to her cares" .

The expression “put a seal” is explained by the fact that in those days a ring (ring), or rather, set into its stone with a carved emblem, served at the same time as a seal, which imprinted property this person and fastened business papers. Christians carved on their rings a seal depicting a fish, an anchor, a bird, and other Christian symbols.

The wedding ring was usually worn on the fourth (ring) finger of the left hand. This has a basis in the anatomy of the human body: one of the finest nerves of this finger is in direct contact with the heart, at least at the level of ideas of that time.

By the X-XI centuries. the betrothal loses its civic significance, and this rite is already performed in the temple, accompanied by appropriate prayers. But for a long time, the betrothal was performed separately from the wedding and was combined with the study of matins. The rite of betrothal receives its final uniformity only by the 17th century.

The rite of marriage itself - wedding - in ancient times was performed through prayer, blessing and laying on of hands by the bishop in the church during the liturgy. Evidence that marriage was introduced in antiquity in the rite of the liturgy is the presence of a number of coinciding constituent elements in both modern rites: the initial exclamation "Blessed is the Kingdom ..." peace litany, reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, special litany, singing "Our Father ... " And; finally, the fellowship of the bowl. All these elements are obviously taken from the order of the Liturgy and are closest in structure to the order of the Liturgy of the Pre-sanctified Gifts.

In the 4th century, marriage crowns, placed on the heads of the couple, came into use. In the West, they corresponded to marriage covers. At first these were wreaths of flowers, later they were made of metal, giving them the shape of a royal crown. They mark the victory over passions and remind of the royal dignity of the first human couple - Adam and Eve - to whom the Lord gave possession of all earthly creation: "... fill the earth, and rule it ..." (Gen. 1 , 28).

MAIN GOALS OF MARRIAGE

The first and main goal of marriage is the complete and inseparable mutual devotion and communion of two marital persons: it is not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), and a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and you will both become one flesh (Matt. 19, 5). The lack of unity of spiritual and moral goals in the life of the spouses is the main and main reason for unhappy marriages.

According to St. Cyprian of Carthage, a husband and wife receive the fullness and integrity of their being in spiritual, moral and physical unity and mutual replenishment of one by the personality of the other, which is achieved in marriage when a man and a woman really become one inseparable personality and find mutual support in each other and replenishment.

The second purpose of marriage, which is pointed out by the Holy Scriptures, the Holy Fathers and the Church in their prayers of the wedding rite, is the birth and Christian upbringing of children. And the Church blesses marriage as a union, the purpose of which is childbearing, asking in prayers for “kindness” and “grace for the children.”

Marriage in Christianity, according to the teachings of St. Gregory the Theologian, is good when it is combined with the desire to leave behind children, because through this the Church of Christ is replenished, the number of those who please God is multiplied. When he is based only on the desire to satisfy carnal lust, then “inflames coarse (and insatiable) flesh, covers it with thorns and makes it, as it were, a path to vice.”

Another purpose of marriage is to prevent debauchery and preserve chastity. The Apostle Paul says: “to avoid fornication, each one should have his own wife, and each one should have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). It is good, he says, to be celibate, for the sake of undivided service to the Lord, “but if they cannot restrain themselves, let them enter into marriage, rather than be inflamed” (1 Cor. 7, 7-9) and fall into debauchery.

There have always been detractors of marriage who saw in it filth, impurity, an obstacle to a virtuous life. Sanctifying Christian marriage with its blessing, putting on the “crowns of glory and honor” for the bride, the Church has always condemned those who condemn marital relations. Legal marriage and birth are honest and undefiled, for the distinction of the sexes was formed in Adam and Eve for the reproduction of the human race. Marriage is "a gift from God and the root of our being."

“If marriage and the upbringing of children were an obstacle to virtue,” says Chrysostom, “the creator would not have introduced marriage into our lives. But since marriage not only does not hinder us in a charitable life ... but also gives us a great benefit to tame the ardent nature ... that is why God gave such consolation to the human race.

CHURCH AND CANONICAL OBSTACLES TO MARRIAGE

AND NECESSARY RULES FOR WEDDING

Before committing a wedding, you should find out together with the priest if there are any church-canonical obstacles to concluding a church marriage between these persons. First of all, it should be noted that the Orthodox Church, although it considers civil marriage devoid of grace, actually recognizes it and does not at all consider it illegal fornication. However, the conditions for concluding a marriage established by civil law and church canons have significant differences, so not every civil marriage registered in the registry office can be consecrated in the sacrament of Marriage.

Thus, the fourth and fifth marriages allowed by civil law are not blessed by the Church. The Church does not allow marriage more than three times, it is forbidden for persons who are in close degrees of kinship to marry. The Church does not bless the marriage if one of the spouses (or both) declare themselves convinced atheists who came to church only at the insistence of one of the spouses or parents, if at least one of the spouses is not baptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding. All these circumstances are clarified during the execution of documents for the wedding at the church box, and, in the cases listed above, the church marriage is refused.

First of all, you cannot marry if one of the spouses is actually married to another person. Civil marriage must be terminated in the prescribed manner, and if the previous marriage was a church one, then the permission of the bishop to dissolve it and the blessing to enter into a new marriage is necessary.

An obstacle to marriage is also the consanguinity of the bride and groom, as well as spiritual kinship, acquired! through acceptance at baptism.

There are two types of kinship: consanguinity and "property", that is, kinship between relatives of two spouses. Blood relationship exists between persons who have a common ancestor: between parents and children, grandfather and granddaughter, between cousins ​​and second cousins, uncles and nieces (cousins ​​and second cousins), etc.

The property exists between persons who do not have a common sufficiently close ancestor, but are related through marriage. One should distinguish between two-kind or two-blood property, established through one marriage union, and three-kind, or three-blood property, which is established in the presence of two marriage unions. In a two-kind property are the relatives of the husband with the relatives of the wife. In the threefold property are the relatives of the wife of one brother and the relatives of the wife of another brother, or the relatives of the first and second wife of one man.

With consanguinity, Church Marriage is unconditionally prohibited up to the fourth degree of kinship, inclusive, with two-kindness - up to the third degree, with three-kindness, marriage is not allowed if the spouses are in the first degree of such kinship.

Spiritual relationship exists between godfather and his godson and between the godmother and her goddaughter, as well as between the parents of the adopted from the font and the recipient of the same sex as the adopted (nepotism). Since, according to the canons, one recipient of the same sex as the one being baptized is required at baptism, the second recipient is a tribute to tradition and, therefore, there are no canonical obstacles to concluding a Church Marriage between the recipients of the same baby. Strictly speaking, for the same reason, there is also no spiritual kinship between a godfather and his goddaughter and between a godmother and her godson. However, pious custom forbids such marriages, therefore, in order to avoid temptation in such a case, special instructions should be sought from the ruling bishop.

The permission of the bishop is also required for the wedding of an Orthodox person with a person of another Christian denomination (Catholic, Baptist). Of course, Marriage is not crowned if at least one of the spouses professes a non-Christian religion (Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism). However, a marriage concluded according to a non-Orthodox rite, and even non-Christian, concluded before the spouses joined the Orthodox Church, can be considered valid at the request of the spouses, even if only one of the spouses was baptized. When both spouses convert to Christianity, whose marriage was concluded according to a non-Christian rite, the sacrament of Marriage is not necessary, since the grace of Baptism sanctifies their marriage.

You cannot marry someone who once bound himself with a monastic vow of virginity, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination.

Marriages do not take place in next days: from Meat Week (a week before Great Lent) to Fomin Sunday (a week after Easter), during Petrov, Assumption and Christmas fasts, on the eve of Wednesdays, Fridays and the Beheading of John the Baptist, on Saturdays, on the eve of the twelfth and great holidays and on the most twelfth holidays. According to Pilots, those entering into Marriage must know the confession of faith, i.e. Symbol of faith, the Lord's Prayer "Our Father ...", "Virgin Mother of God, rejoice ...", the Ten Commandments of God and the Beatitudes. Those who do not know the law of God and the most important members of the faith should not be married until they learn. The priest must, is obliged to ask the bride and groom if they know all this: because it is a shame and a sin to enter into Marriage and want to be a father and mother to a child, and not know what to instruct and educate them later.

Thus, if it turns out that the bride or groom does not know the basic and main truths of the Orthodox faith, they do not even know the necessary daily prayers, then their wedding should be postponed.

Drunk people should not be married until they are sober.

The bride and groom must approach marriage in the consciousness of its holiness, height and in the consciousness of the responsibility of the step taken for both of them and for posterity. And therefore, firstly, they should seek in each other, first of all, not external advantages, not the "environment" of life, for example, wealth, nobility, beauty, etc., but mainly internal advantages, giving an internal connection in married life and the basis of happiness, which are: religiosity, kindness of heart, serious mind, etc., for this, the bride and groom need to take a closer look at each other, get to know each other well; secondly, it is required by prayer and fasting to prepare for the great Mystery of marriage, to ask the Lord that He Himself, as His servant Tobias, would indicate a companion or life partner.

Just before entering into marriage, one should speak and partake of the Holy Mysteries.

Those under church penance can be married, because penance does not serve as an obstacle to entering into Marriage. However, they should, after cleansing their conscience in the sacrament of repentance, especially prepare themselves for the sacrament of Marriage and the communion of St. Secrets. To do this, they need to ask the Ruling Bishop for permission to receive communion; at the same time, marriage does not serve as a basis for removing the penance, and therefore those under it are obliged, even after entering into Marriage, to continue to bear the penance imposed on them until the expiration of the period appointed for them.

The bride, who is in the period of postpartum purification and has not received the prayer laid on the 40th day of the wife who gave birth, not only proceed to St. sacraments (including Marriage), but he cannot enter the temple either.

A woman who is in purification is not allowed to enter the church; all the more, one should not proceed to the sacrament of Marriage, which should be postponed until the bride is cleansed.

The pregnant state of the bride cannot serve as an obstacle to marriage.

The cohabitation of a pregnant bride with the culprit of her pregnancy (as well as the cohabitation of those entering into Marriage in general) does not in itself serve as an obstacle to church Marriage; they only have to clear their conscience with repentance and register a civil marriage in the registry office.

CHURCH RATE OF MARITIME

Those who are getting married need rings (the ring is a sign of eternity and the continuity of the marriage union, for the grace of the Holy Spirit is continuous and eternal) and, if possible, beautiful clothes deliberately prepared for this day. But still, the main thing is spiritual clothes - their neatness and beauty. Both the bride and groom must prepare for marriage in the Sacraments of Repentance (Confession) and Communion, remember God in everything ...

“Not to forget Him means to try to live according to His Divine and life-giving commandments, and in violation of them, due to our weakness, sincerely repent and immediately take care of correcting our mistakes and deviations from the commandments of God” (St. Ambrose of Optina).

The church rite of marriage is divided into two parts: betrothal and wedding.

Read carefully, dear ones, carefully into the words of the prayers. Especially in order to facilitate understanding, they are presented here in modern Russian.

Betrothal follow-up

The betrothal begins in the temple, not far from entrance doors. The groom stands on the right side, the bride on the left. The groomsmen stand on the right side of the groom, the groomsmen - on the left of the bride. The priest blesses the bride and groom three times and gives them burning candles, which they keep until the end of the service. Candles symbolize the burning of their souls with faith and love for God.

Priest says: Blessed be our God always, now and forever, and forever and ever.

choir: Amen.

Deacon: Let us pray to the Lord in peace.

Choir: Lord have mercy.

Deacon: For the servant of God (name) and the servant of God (name) now engaged to each other and for their salvation, let us pray to the Lord.

Let us pray to the Lord that children be sent to them for procreation and that all their petitions for salvation be fulfilled.

That God would give them perfect and peaceful love and grant them His help, let us pray to the Lord.

Let us pray to the Lord that God preserve them to remain in unanimity and firm fidelity to each other.

Let us pray to the Lord that God preserve them in a blameless life.

That the Lord our God will grant them an honest marriage and an undefiled bed, let us pray to the Lord.

To deliver us from all sorrow, anger and need, let us pray to the Lord.

Priest: For to You is due all glory, honor and worship to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

Prayer: Eternal God, who gathered together those who were divided and determined the indissoluble union of love, who blessed Isaac and Rebekah and made them heirs of Your promise. You yourself, Lord, bless both your servants this (name) and this (name), instructing them in every good deed. Because You are a merciful and philanthropic God, and to You we send glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Priest: Peace to all.

Choir: And your spirit.

Deacon:

Choir: You, Lord.

Priest: O Lord our God, from among the Gentiles, who pre-brought the Church as a pure Virgin; bless this betrothal and unite and keep these Thy servants in peace and unanimity. For to You is due all glory, honor and worship to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

* * *

A person is loved not for anything, but on the contrary, he can become significant, wonderful person because he is loved. In the second prayer of the rank of betrothal, it is said that God chose the Church as a pure Virgin from among the Gentiles. If we think about it and imagine: Who is this Church? Church - we are with you: and I, and you, and all our friends; how can we say that God has chosen us as a pure virgin? We are all sinners, we all have shortcomings, we are all largely corrupted - how could God look at us and choose us as a pure virgin? The fact is that God looks at us, sees the possibility of the beauty that is in us, sees in us what we can be, and for the sake of what He sees, He accepts us. And because we are loved, because a miracle happened to us: that someone saw in us not bad, but beautiful, not evil, but good, not ugly, but wonderful - we can begin to grow, grow out of amazement before this love, to grow in amazement at the fact that this love shows us our own beauty, which we did not suspect. Of course, I'm not talking about that external, superficial beauty that we all boast about: facial features, intelligence, sensitivity, talent - no, about a different beauty.

And so we need to remember that the only way to revive a person, the only way to give a person the opportunity to open up in fullness is to love him.

* * *
Then the priest takes the groom's ring and, blessing him with the ring, says:

The servant of God (name) is betrothed to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

And he repeats the blessing and the words three times, then placing the ring on the groom's finger.

Then he takes the bride's ring and, blessing her, says:

The servant of God (name) is betrothed to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

And he repeats this three times, as with the groom.

Then the chief best man (successor) exchanges the rings on the hands of the bride and groom three times.
The exchange of rings symbolizes the voluntary conclusion of an alliance in which each party cedes some of its rights and assumes certain obligations.
The round shape of the ring means the indissolubility of the marriage union.

Prayer: Lord our God! You deigned to accompany to Mesopotamia the servant of the patriarch Abraham, sent to find a wife for Isaac, and who, by drawing water, found Rebekah (Gen. 24). You, Master, bless the betrothal of Your servants this (name) and this (name). Secure their promise; establish them with Your holy union. Because You first created male and female, and You are betrothed to husband and wife to help each other and to continue the human race. You yourself, O Lord our God, sent your truth to your inheritance and your promises to your servants, our fathers, your chosen ones from generation to generation. Look at your servant (name) and your servant (name), confirm their betrothal in faith, unanimity, truth and love.

For You Yourself, O Lord, have pleased that a pledge be given, confirming the promise in all matters. Through the ring power was given to Joseph in Egypt; Daniel became famous with the ring in the country of Babylon; the truthfulness of Tamar was revealed with a ring; With a ring, our Heavenly Father showed mercy to His son, for He said: Put a ring on his hand, and having slain the well-fed calf, let us eat and be merry. Your right hand, O Lord, armed Moses in the Red Sea; By Your Word of truth the heavens are established and the earth is founded, and the right hand of Your servants is blessed by Your sovereign Word and Your high arm. Therefore, now, Vladyka, bless the laying on of these rings with a heavenly blessing, and may the Angel of the Lord accompany them all the days of their lives.

Because You bless and sanctify everything and we send glory to You to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

“Husbands,” says the Apostle Paul, “love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her... he who loves his wife loves himself (Eph. 5:25-28). Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the savior of the body” (Eph. 5:22-33).

Wedding follow-up

After the prayer, the bride and groom follow the priest to the middle of the temple and both stand on a white kerchief laid there beforehand. The white board symbolizes the moral purity that should be imbued with the relationship between husband and wife. As they walk towards the place of marriage, the priest proclaims the following verses from the 126th psalm:

Blessed are all who fear the Lord!

The choir repeats: Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee.

Those who walk in His ways,

You will eat from the fruits of the labor of your hands,

You are blessed and you will be blessed

Your wife is like a fruitful vine in the camp of your fatherland,

Your sons are like new olive trees planted around your table,

Thus blessed is the man who fears the Lord,

The Lord bless you from Zion, and you will see good Jerusalem in the days of your life,

And you will see the sons of your sons.

The priest asks the groom: Do you (name) have a free and good desire and a firm intention to take this (name) as your wife, which you see here in front of you?

Groom: I have, honest father.

Priest to the groom: Did you promise another bride?

Groom: Not promised, honest father.

The priest asks the bride: Do you have (name) a free and good desire and a firm intention to take this (name) as your husband, whom you see here in front of you?

Bride: I have, honest father.

Priest to the bride: Have you made a promise to another husband?

Bride: Not promised, honest father.

Priest: Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and forever and ever.

Choir: Amen.

Deacon: Let us pray to the Lord in peace.

Choir: Lord have mercy (3 times).

Deacon: For the servants of God (name) and (name), now combined for marriage, and for their salvation, let us pray to the Lord.

To be blessed by this marriage, as once in Cana of Galilee, let us pray to the Lord.

To give them chastity and the fruit of the womb for their benefit, let us pray to the Lord.

That they may be granted parental happiness and an impeccable life, let us pray to the Lord.

Let us pray to the Lord that everything necessary for salvation be granted to them and to us.

To deliver them and us from all sorrow, anger and need, let us pray to the Lord.

Intercede, save, have mercy and save us, O God, by Your grace.

Our Most Holy, Most Pure, Most Blessed, Glorious Lady Our Lady and Ever-Virgin Mary, with all the saints remembering ourselves, and each other, and our whole life to Christ our God.

Choir: You, Lord.

Priest: Because all glory, honor and worship is due to You, to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Prayer: Most Pure God, Creator and Creator of all creations! You transformed the rib of the forefather Adam into a wife in Your love for mankind and, blessing them, said: Be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. And so, in the combination of the two, he revealed one body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. And what God has united, let man not separate.

You blessed your servant Abraham and, having opened the bed of Sarah, made him the father of many nations. You gave Isaac to Rebekah and blessed the one born of her. You combined Jacob Rachel and from him made twelve patriarchs. You connected Joseph with Aseneth and, like the fruit of the womb, you gave them Ephraim and Manasseh. You accepted Zechariah and Elizabeth and made the one born of them the Forerunner of Your appearance. From the root of Jesse, according to the flesh, you raised the Ever-Virgin and from Her you were incarnated and born for the salvation of the human race. You, according to Your inexpressible gift and great goodness, came to Cana of Galilee and blessed the marriage there in order to show that You are pleased with a lawful marriage and the birth of children from it.

You Yourself, Lord Most Holy, accept the prayer of us, Your servants, and come here, as there, with Your invisible presence. Bless this marriage and send your servants (name) and (name) a peaceful life, long life, chastity, love for each other in the union of the world, long-term offspring, consolation in children, a crown of unfading glory and make them worthy to see the children of their children. Save their bed from deceit. And send them from the dew of heaven above and from the fertility of the earth, fill their houses with wheat, wine and oil and all abundance, so that they can help those in need. Fulfill also the soul-saving petitions of all who are here.

Because You are the God of mercy, generosity and philanthropy, and we send glory to You with Your Father without beginning, and the Most Holy, and the Good, and Your Life-giving Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Prayer: Blessed are You, O Lord our God, the Priest-Performer of the mysterious and pure marriage and the Lawgiver of the carnal order, the Guardian of incorruption and the good Organizer of worldly affairs. You, Master, at the beginning, having created man and made him king over all creation, said: “It is not good for man to be alone on earth; let us make him a helper like him.” And then, taking one of his ribs, he created a woman, whom Adam saw, and said: “This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she will be called wife, because she was taken from her husband. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they will both be one flesh. And what God has united, let no man separate.”

You and now, Lord Lord our God, send Your heavenly grace on Your servants (name) and (name), and let this servant obey her husband in everything, and this servant of yours be the head of the wife, so that they live according to Your will. Bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Abraham and Sarah; bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Isaac and Rebekah; bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Jacob and all the patriarchs; bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Joseph and Aseneth; bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Moses and Zipporah; bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Joachim and Anna; bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Zechariah and Elizabeth. Keep them, Lady our God, as You kept Noah in the ark; preserve them, O Lord our God, as You preserved Jonah in the belly of the whale; save them, O Lord our God, as you saved the three youths from the fire, sending them heavenly dew. And may that joy come upon them that blessed Elena received when she found the honest Cross.

Remember them, Lord our God, as You remembered Enoch, Shem, Elijah; remember them, O Lord our God, as you remembered your forty martyrs, sending them crowns from heaven. Remember, O God, the parents who brought them up, because the prayers of the parents establish the foundations of the houses. Remember, Lord our God, the friends of the bride and groom who have come together for this joy. Remember, O Lord our God, Thy servant (name) and Thy servant (name) and bless them. Send them the fruit of the womb, virtuous children, unanimity in spiritual and bodily matters; exalt them like the cedars of Lebanon, like a fruitful vine. Send them an abundance of fruits, so that they, having everything in abundance, prosper in every good and pleasing deed. And let them see their sons' children like new olive trees around the table; and that they, pleasing Thee, O Lord our God, may shine forth by Thee, like the stars in the firmament of heaven.

For all glory, honor and dominion is due to You, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Prayer: Holy God, who created man from the earth, and formed a wife from his rib, and combined her for him as a helper. Because it was pleasing to Your Majesty that a person should not be alone on earth. You and now, Lord, send Your hand from Your holy dwelling and combine Your servant this (name) and Your servant this (name), because from You a wife is combined with a husband. Unite them in unanimity, crown them in one flesh. Like the fruit of the womb, give them godly children.

Because Your dominion and Yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Then the priest takes the crown and, blessing the groom with it, says:

The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name), in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The groom kisses the crown.
Then the priest takes the second crown and, blessing the bride with it, says:

The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The bride also kisses the crown.
Crowns symbolize the high dignity of man and the marriage union.

Then the priest blesses the bride and groom three times, saying:

Lord our God, crown them with glory and honor.

Deacon: Let's go.

Priest: Peace to all.

Choir: And your spirit.

Deacon: Wisdom.

Reader: Prokimen, tone 8: You put on their heads crowns of precious stones They asked You for life, and You gave it to them.

choir repeats the prokeimenon.

Deacon: Wisdom.

Reader: The Epistle of the Holy Apostle Paul to the Ephesians.

Deacon: Let's go.

Reader: Brothers, always give thanks to God and the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, obeying one another in the fear of God. Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But just as the Church obeys Christ, so do wives obey their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, to sanctify her, having cleansed her with a bath of water, through the word; to present her to Himself as a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but that she might be holy and blameless. Thus ought husbands to love their wives as their bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church, because we are members of His body, from His flesh and from His bones. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church. So let each of you love his wife as himself; but let the wife be afraid of her husband (Eph. 5:20-33).

Choir: Hallelujah.

Priest: Wisdom, forgive (i.e. stand straight), let us hear the holy Gospel. Peace to all.

Choir: And your spirit.

Priest: Reading of the Holy Gospel from John.

Choir:

Deacon: Let's go.

Priest: On the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and the Mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the marriage. And as there was a lack of wine, the Mother of Jesus said to Him: they have no wine. Jesus says to her: What is it to me and to you, Woman? My hour has not yet come. His mother said to the servants: whatever He tells you, do it. There were also six stone water-carriers, standing according to the custom of the purification of the Jews, containing two or three measures. Jesus tells them to fill the vessels with water. And filled them to the top. And he said to them: now draw and bring to the steward of the feast. And they took it. When the steward tasted the water that had become wine - and he did not know where this wine came from, only the servants who drew the water knew - then the steward calls the groom and says to him: every person first serves good wine, and when they get drunk, then worse; and you have saved good wine until now. Thus Jesus initiated the miracles in Cana of Galilee and revealed His glory, and His disciples believed in Him (John 2:1-11).

Christ came to a poor wedding. People gathered in a small village, on some farm, they came, hungry for joy - not for drinking, of course, but for friendship, for light, for warmth, for affection - and a poor village feast began. In the shortest time, probably, the little that was prepared was eaten, and the wine that was in store was drunk. And then the Mother of God draws the attention of Her Divine Son to the fact that the wine has already been drunk. What did she mean by that? Does She really say to Her Son: do something, they say, so that they can still drink and drink, and get drunk so that they fall under the pews - is this really what She wanted? No, She, of course, saw that their hearts yearned so much for joy, for happiness, for that feeling that makes it possible to forget all the hardships of the world, everything that crushes, oppresses; hearts are still full of desire to be in the realm of this love of the bride and groom, to contemplate the heavenly vision of caress. And Christ turns to Her with a question that confuses many: “What is it to me and to you, Woman?” In some translations and in some interpretations of the Fathers: “What is between me and you? Why are you asking me this question? Is it really because I am Your Son and You think that You have some kind of power over Me? In this case, our relations are only earthly, carnal, in this case, My hour, the hour of heavenly miracles, has not yet come ... ”The Mother of God does not answer Him in the sense that: how is it, am I not Your Mother? Nor does he answer: “Do I not know that You are the Son of God?” She only turns to those around her and makes them, as it were, partners in her faith; She tells the servants: “Whatever He tells you, do...” By this She speaks by action, and not by words, to Her Son: “I know who You are, I know that You are My Son according to the flesh and that You are God descended into the world for the salvation of the world, and therefore I address You not as to the Son, but as to My God, the Creator, the Provider, the One Who can love the earth to death ... "And then a miracle happens, because it came to peace Kingdom of God by the faith of one man. What a lesson is this for us that we too can - each of us - by faith, as it were, open the door to the coming of Christ and create a situation that will enable God to miraculously change the situation, full of melancholy, dissatisfaction, and turn it into an atmosphere of exultant, triumphant joy. ! What's next? - Everything is very simple: yes, the servants drew wine, yes, they brought it to the owner, the manager of the holiday; but one important event remains with us: that at this moment the faith of one man made the earthly situation heavenly. And another thing: the only commandment that the Mother of God gave us: “Whatever He tells you, do ...” When your joy begins to come to an end, when you already feel that you have given each other everything that. you could only give that you can’t say anything new, that you can only repeat: “I love you”, you can’t express it in a new way, then listen deeply to what He will tell you - and what would He tell you neither said, then do; and then the water of ordinary life - the dullness of life, its colorlessness - suddenly shines. We have all seen sometimes the earth covered with dew. By sunrise, this field is gray, even the green, covered with these drops of water, seems to grow dim; and suddenly the sun rose, and everything sparkled, shone with the colors of the rainbow. So life, which has faded, can turn into a triumph, become beautiful only because we have given God a place in it, it can shine, like this field, with all the colors of the rainbow and beauty.

* * *

Choir: Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee.

Prayer: O Lord our God, it pleased you, according to your saving providence, by visiting Cana of Galilee to show the honesty of marriage. You and now, Lord, keep in peace and unanimity your servants (name) and (name), whom you deigned to combine with each other. Make their marriage fair, keep their bed undefiled. Bless them to live flawlessly. And make them worthy to live to a venerable old age, fulfilling Your commandments from a pure heart.

For You are our God, the God Who tends to have mercy and save, and we offer glory to You, with Your Father without beginning, and Your All-Holy and Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Deacon: Intercede, save, have mercy and save us, O God, by your grace.

Choir: Lord have mercy.

Priest: And vouchsafe us, Master, with boldness, without condemnation, to dare to call upon You the Heavenly God the Father, and speak.

The choir sings: "Our Father...".

Priest: For Yours is the Kingdom...

Choir: Amen.

Priest: Peace to all.

Choir: And your spirit.

Deacon: Bow your heads to the Lord.

Choir: You, Lord.

Then the priest reads the following prayer over a cup of wine diluted with water:

God, who created everything with Your strength, who established the universe and adorned the crown of everything created by You! Bless with a spiritual blessing this common cup, which you serve together for marriage communion. For blessed is Your name and glorified is Your Kingdom, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

The newlyweds in turn three times, they drink from the cup, expressing their readiness to share the common cup of life with its joys, sorrows and difficulties.

Then the priest joins the right hands of the newlyweds, picks up a cross and circles them three times around the lectern, on which lies the Gospel. Circle- a symbol of eternity, walking around the gospel reminds newlyweds that marriage life must be built on Christian principles given in the gospel.

Choir: Rejoice, Isaiah: The Virgin took in the womb and gave birth to the Son Emmanuel, God and Man, His name is the East. Magnifying Him, we please the Virgin.

Holy martyrs, gloriously labored and crowned, pray to the Lord for mercy on our souls. Glory to Thee, Christ God, praise of the apostles, joy of the martyrs, whose preaching is the Consubstantial Trinity.

Then the priest takes the crown from the husband's head and says:

Be exalted, bridegroom, like Abraham, and be blessed like Isaac, and multiply like Jacob, living in peace and righteousness, keeping the commandments of God.

In like manner he takes the crown from the wife's head and says:

And you, bride, be exalted like Sarah, and rejoice like Rebekah, and multiply like Rachel, rejoicing in your husband, keeping the limits of the law, because that is what pleases God.

Prayer: God, our God, who came to Cana of Galilee and blessed the marriage there! Bless also Thy servants, who, by Thy providence, were united for marriage communion. Bless them as they come or go. Fill their lives with blessings. Receive their crowns into Your Kingdom, keeping them blameless, blameless and free from the wiles (of the enemy) forever and ever.

Choir: Amen.

Priest: Peace to all.

Deacon: Bow your heads to the Lord.

Choir: You, Lord.

Prayer: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Holy and Consubstantial Trinity, one Godhead and Kingdom, bless you and give you longevity, pious children, success in life and in faith; may it satisfy you with earthly blessings and may it also make you worthy to receive the promised blessings, through prayers Holy Mother of God and all saints.

Choir: Amen.

Here the concluding words of the service are pronounced and many years are proclaimed.

During the marriage, future spouses should try to pay more attention to prayer, rather than solemnity.

WHAT A WEDDING MEAL SHOULD BE

The sacrament of marriage is celebrated solemnly and joyfully. From the multitude of people: relatives, relatives and friends, from the brilliance of candles, from church singing somehow involuntarily becomes festive and cheerful in the soul.

After the wedding, young people, parents, witnesses, guests continue the celebration at the table.

But how indecently some of the guests sometimes behave at the same time. Often people get drunk here, utter shameless speeches, sing immodest songs, dance wildly. Such behavior would be shameful even for a pagan, "ignorant of God and His Christ", and not only for us Christians. The Holy Church warns against such behavior. Canon 53 of the Council of Laodicea says: “It is not fitting for those who go to marriages (that is, even the relatives of the bride and groom and guests) to jump or dance, but to dine and dine modestly, as is proper for Christians.” The wedding feast should be modest and quiet, should be alien to all intemperance and indecency. Such a quiet and modest feast will be blessed by the Lord Himself, who sanctified the marriage in Cana of Galilee with His presence and the performance of the first miracle.

ABOUT HONEYMOON AND WEDDING LIFE

The decree of one of the Councils of Carthage says: "The bride and groom, upon receiving a blessing, must spend the next night in virginity out of reverence for the blessing received."

The Church condemns the intemperate conduct of the "honeymoon" by young spouses. Any true Christian will never approve of a way of life of spouses in which marriage loses its moral significance and becomes one sexual relationship; the sensual side comes to the fore here, occupying an inappropriate place for it.

And if young spouses do not want to turn their “honeymoon” into a period of sharp weakening and depression, tears, quarrels and mutual discontent, then let them moderate their desires. Their restraint and moderation will be rewarded with quiet joy and happiness of the first days of a new, joint life.

Abstinence is required of Christians on all Sundays and holidays, days of communion, repentance and fasting.

The Monk Seraphim of Sarov also points out the need to observe these decrees of the Councils: “... And also keep clean, keep Wednesdays and Fridays, and holidays, and Sundays. For not keeping cleanliness, for not observing Wednesday and Friday by spouses, children will be born dead, and if holidays and Sundays are not kept, wives die in childbirth, ”he said to a young man entering into marriage.

Upon marriage, husband and wife must each take their place. “The husband is the head of the wife”, a person responsible before God and St. Church for the direction of family life, for its strength and well-being. For the happiness of his wife and family, the husband sacrifices everything in the image of Christ, even his life: "He who loves his wife loves himself" (Eph. 5, 25-28). A wife must obey her husband not because she is inferior to her husband in the eyes of the Church, because for the Church everyone is equal: "There is no male or female" (Gal. 3:28), but because the husband is the leader of family life, he is the mind, and the wife is the heart of the family. “The wife is afraid of her husband” not in the sense of some kind of slavish fear, which has no place in Christian life, but in the sense of the consciousness of the husband’s great responsibility for the strength and well-being of family participation. In view of this responsibility, the husband, in turn, must condescend to the infirmities of the feminine nature, knowing that the wife - "weaker vessel" (1 Pet. 3, 7), he is obliged most of all to value in his wife modesty, chastity, as her best ornaments, highly appreciating and protecting these holy qualities. Spouses should support each other, help each other, condescend mutually to mutual shortcomings and bear the burden of the weakest, his weakness. This is what it means to love truly, to love like a Christian: "carry one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ" (i.e., the law of love) (Gal. 6:2).

SAINT'S WORDSJohn Chrysostom

ABOUT CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

“Husband and wife are obligated to maintain marital fidelity to each other. Violation of marital fidelity is the most serious crime. And therefore Chrysostom denounces this vice with all its might, and the denunciations of the saint retain all their significance for modern society, in which this vice is significantly spread among husbands and wives. Rebuking a husband who violates his fidelity to his wife, St. Chrysostom says: “How will he apologize? Don't talk to me about the passion of nature. That is why marriage is established so that you do not overstep the boundaries. For God, considering your peace and honor, gave you a wife for this, so that you would satisfy the kindling of nature through your spouse and be freed from all lust. And you, with an ungrateful soul, dishonor Him, reject all shame, transgress the boundaries assigned to you, dishonor your own glory.

“Why are you looking at someone else’s beauty? Why are you looking at a face that doesn't belong to you? Why do you break marriage - dishonor your bed?

The mutual love of spouses should not depend on the degree of beauty of each of them and should not be extinguished if one of them, for some reason, becomes ugly and even ugly. This is especially Chrysostom inspires husbands, since some of them love for their wives weakens to the extent that the beauty of their wives, which previously seduced them, disappears, or to which they themselves begin to notice their bodily shortcomings. “Do not turn away from your wife for the sake of her ugliness,” St. John says to her husband. - Listen to what is said in Scripture: the bee is small among those who fly, but its fruit is the best of sweets (Sir. 11:3). The wife is a creation of God; you will not offend her, but the One who created her. What to do with the wife? Do not praise her for her external beauty; and praise, and hatred, and love of this kind are characteristic of unchaste souls. Seek the beauty of the soul; imitate the Bridegroom of the Church."

When a husband gets an evil wife, his duty is not to be irritated, but with humility to see in this misfortune the right hand of the Lord, punishing him for sins. “A wife raises a war against you,” says Chrysostom, “she meets you when you enter, like a beast, sharpens her tongue like a sword. Sad circumstance that a helper has become an enemy! But test yourself. Did you yourself do something in your youth against a woman? And now the wound inflicted by you on a woman is healed by a woman, and the ulcer of a strange woman, like a surgeon, is burned out by her own wife. And that a thin wife is a temptation to a sinner, Scripture testifies to this. An evil wife will be given to a sinful husband, and it will be given as a bitter antidote that dries up the sinner's bad juices.

If, according to the teachings of St. Chrysostom, the wife's bad character is God's punishment to her husband, then it is obvious that the husband must endure this punishment with perfect patience, and therefore nothing can excuse the husband's cruelty to his wife. This is contrary both to the teaching of Christian patience and indulgence, and to the concept of love, which a husband must always preserve for his wife. That inhuman treatment of wives, which often happens among husbands, especially from the lower classes, Chrysostom resolutely condemns as something extremely cruel and barbaric.

“When something unpleasant happens in the house because your wife sins, then you,” Chrysostom advises her husband, “comfort her, and do not increase sorrow. At least you lost everything. But there is nothing more regrettable than having a wife in the house who lives with her husband without a good disposition towards him. Whatever misdeed on the part of the wife you point out, you can imagine nothing that would cause more sorrow than strife with your wife. Therefore, love for her should be most precious to you. If each of us must bear the burdens of each other, then the husband is even more obliged to do so in relation to his wife.

“Even if your wife has sinned a lot against you,” says Chrysostom, “forgive her everything. If you have taken a malevolent one, teach her kindness and meekness; if there is a vice in the wife, cast it out, not her. If, after many experiences, you find out that your wife is incorrigible and stubbornly adheres to her customs, then do not cast her out, for she is a part of your body, as it is said: two will become one flesh. Let the vices of the wife remain unhealed, and for that a great reward has already been prepared for you, that you teach and admonish her, and for the sake of the fear of God you endure so many troubles and endure an unkind wife as part of yourself.

INSTRUCTIONS OF THE REVERENDAMBROSIY OF OPTINSKY

SPOUSES AND PARENTS

“Family hardships must be endured as a share voluntarily chosen by us. Hind thoughts here are more harmful than useful. It is only salvific to pray to God for oneself and for the family, that He will do something useful for us according to the will of His saint.

“... you are no better than the holy King David, who throughout his life endured family frustrations and sorrows, more than you are not a hundred times more. I will not describe everything, but I will only say that his son Absalom decided to overthrow his father from the royal throne and attempted on ... his life. But Saint David sincerely humbled himself before the Lord and before people, I would not reject Semei in annoying reproaches, but realizing his guilt before God, he humbly told others that the Lord commanded Semei to curse David. For such humility, the Lord not only showed him mercy, but also returned the kingdom.

We must be reasonable, that is, we must first of all take care of receiving God's mercy and eternal salvation, and not about returning the former kingdom, that is, temporary blessings that have fallen and are falling out of the weakened hands of the son. However, the Lord is able to correct him too, if only he wants to bow down under a strong hand God's. We need to humbly and with faith pray to God about this, so that He will enlighten us as well.”

“... it will be enough for you if you take care to bring up your children in the fear of God, inspire them with the Orthodox concept and, with well-intentioned instructions, protect them from concepts that are alien to the Orthodox Church. Whatever good you sow in the souls of your children in their youth, may later vegetate in their hearts when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break the branches of a good home Christian test.

Experience approved for centuries shows that the sign of the cross has great power on all the actions of a person throughout his entire life. Therefore, care must be taken to instill in children the habit of making the sign of the cross more often, and especially before eating and drinking, going to bed and getting up, before leaving, before going out and before entering somewhere, and so that the children make the sign of the cross not carelessly or in a fashionable way. , but with accuracy, starting from the brow to the chest, and on both shoulders, so that the cross comes out right.

“You wish to have a handwritten line from me, calling yourself my spiritual daughter. If so, then listen to what your spiritual father will tell you.

If you want to be prosperous in your life, then try to live according to the commandments of God, and not to simple human customs. The Lord says through the prophet Isaiah: "If you listen to Me (by fulfilling the commandments of God), then you will tear down the good land." The main commandment is in the promise: “Honor your father and mother, that it will be good for you and that you will live long on earth.” Inappropriate antics or outbursts in front of parents are by no means inexcusable. A wise word spreads (exists) among people: teach your grandmother to suck eggs".

“My opinion regarding reading is such that, first of all, the young mind should be occupied with Sacred History and the reading of the lives of the saints, by choice, imperceptibly sowing in it the seeds of the fear of God and the Christian life; and it is especially necessary, with the help of God, to be able to impress on him how important it is to keep the commandments of God and what disastrous consequences come from breaking them. All this is to be deduced from the example of our forefathers, who ate from the forbidden tree and were expelled from paradise for that.

“You ask for my sinful advice and blessing to enter into legal marriage with the bride of your choice.

If you are healthy and she is healthy, if you like each other, and the bride is of good behavior, and the mother has a good, uncomplaining character, then you can marry her.

“If the son is healthy and did not promise to be a monk, and wants to get married, then it is possible, God bless. And to be more humble, then look. If the mother of the bride is humble, then the bride must be humble, because according to an old proverb: the apple does not roll far from the apple tree.

“The Holy Martyr Justin, as it appears in ancient legends, says that our Lord Jesus Christ, during His earthly life, was engaged in the division of the plow and the yoke, meaning by this that people should work and justly and equally with others bear the burden, as harnessed oxen evenly bear his own yoke: if one of the two lags behind, it will be more difficult for the other. If the spouses equally, in a Christian way, shared the burden of their lives, then it would be good for people on earth to live well. But as spouses are often resilient, both or one of the two, our earthly well-being is not strengthened.

“The Lord, with the depth of wisdom, humanely arranges everything and gives useful things to everyone. And therefore, for a person, there is nothing better and more useful than devotion to the will of God, while the fate of God is incomprehensible to us.

You realize that you yourself are to blame for many, that you did not know how to raise your son as you should. Self-reproach is useful, but realizing one's guilt, one should humble himself and repent, and not be embarrassed and despair. Also, you should not be very disturbed by the thought that you are alone - the involuntary cause of the present situation of your son. This is not entirely true: every person is gifted with free will and more for himself and will have to answer to God.

“No one should justify their irritability with some kind of illness - it comes from pride. “But the wrath of a husband,” according to the words of the holy Apostle James, “does not work the righteousness of God.”

“No matter how great the involuntary sufferings of your daughter, little C, they still cannot be compared with the arbitrary sufferings of the martyrs; if they are equal, then she will receive a blissful state in paradise villages equal to them.

However, one should not forget the tricky present tense, in which even small children receive mental damage from what they see and from what they hear; and therefore purification is required, which does not happen without suffering; spiritual purification for the most part happens through bodily suffering. Let's assume that there was no mental injury. But still, one should know that heavenly bliss is not granted to anyone without suffering. Look: do infants without illness and suffering pass into the next life?

I am writing this not because I would like the death of the suffering little C; but ... actually for your comfort and for correct admonition and real conviction, so that you do not mourn unreasonably and without measure. No matter how much you love your daughter, know that our All-merciful Lord loves her more than you, Who provides for our salvation in every way. Of His love for each of the believers, He Himself testifies in Scripture, saying: "If the wife also forgets her offspring, I will forget you." Therefore, try to moderate your sorrow for your sick daughter, casting this sorrow on the Lord: as he wants and pleases, so he will do with us according to his goodness.

I advise you to bring your sick daughter with a preliminary confession. Ask your confessor to question her more prudently during confession.

I wish your sick daughter and spouse, by the will of God, recovery; and to you and other children - the mercy of the Lord and a peaceful stay.

"Mercy and indulgence towards neighbors and forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation."

“You are not the only one who regrets and repents of the mistakes of the past, which is no longer possible to return, but many.

Everyone who wants to correct the old in any way should leave an inappropriate desire and take care and try to be able to use the present tense and use it properly, seeking mercy from the Lord.

“Good wishes are not always fulfilled. Know that the Lord does not fulfill all our good desires, but only those that serve for our spiritual benefit.

If we, when educating children, analyze what kind of teaching is appropriate for what age; all the more so the Lord who knows the heart knows what and at what time is useful to us. There is a spiritual age, which is not counted by years, and not by beards, and not by wrinkles.

“At present, faith and hope and the petition of the mercy and protection of God are even more needed. The Lord is strong to cover and protect those who are forced to live according to His holy commandments, if we care about mutual peace ...

And the fruit of truth is sown in the world, and joy in life is gained by mutual peace, and every good success is achieved by peace according to God, and not by pleasing people according to the spirit of the world; reasonable indulgence and Christian art are needed in matters of general and private.

INDISOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

“What God has joined together, man shall not separate”(Matthew 19:6)

The Church only in exceptional cases gives consent to the dissolution of a marriage, mainly when it is already defiled by adultery or when it is destroyed by the circumstances of life (long-term unknown absence of one of the spouses). Entering into a second marriage, after the death of a husband or wife, is allowed by the Church, although in prayers for second marriages forgiveness of the sin of second marriage is already requested. The third marriage is tolerated only as a lesser evil in order to avoid a greater evil - debauchery (explanation of St. Basil the Great).

PUNISHED AND REPENTENTOathbreaker

(example from life)

Moscow archpriest Ivan Grigoryevich Vinogradov, who was priest at the church of St. Paraskeva Pyatnitsa, in Okhotny Ryad, recalled such a case from his pastoral practice. “In my parish,” he said, “a pious merchant family lived, in which there was an only son, a favorite of his father and mother. When he was twenty years old, in the family of a pious widow, he met her, also the only daughter, who had a secondary education and was distinguished by rare beauty. The girl was poor in fortune, but rich in piety and good spiritual qualities. The young man began to visit them and, apparently, became interested in the girl. Initially, his visits were noble, but over time, the girl began to complain to her mother that the young man, when they were alone, allows himself various indiscretions in dealing with her. The noble mother, guarding the dignity of her daughter, at the first opportunity expressed young man that she would not tolerate free treatment of her daughter, and asked him not to come to them again. The young man with tears began to assure his mother that he was so attached to her daughter and his heart was full of such love that he could not live without her and would die of despair if the doors of their house were closed before him. Then the mother said to him: “If you really like my daughter, I do not mind her being your wife. But you get married!” The young man, apparently, was ready to fulfill his mother's desire and get married. But at the same time he began to assure that only a year later he could marry the bride with a church marriage, in which he gave his mother an honest and noble word. "Only for the sake of God, allow me," he continued, "to visit you as your daughter's fiance." The mother thought and answered: “I will only allow you to visit our house when on the very first Sunday you agree to go with me to the Kremlin Assumption Cathedral, where before the holy miraculous Vladimir Icon of the Mother of God, take an oath to fulfill your promise.” He readily agreed to this proposal. And on the very first Sunday, kneeling before the miraculous image of the Mother of God, in the presence of a widow, he took the following oath: . If I do not fulfill this and turn out to be a perjurer, then You, Mother of God, dry me to the ground. After this great and terrible oath, the young man began to visit the widow as if he were his own, and a year later the young maiden was relieved of her burden as a boy. At first, the young man, as the father of the child, came every day, then his visits became less and less, and, finally, they completely stopped. Mother and daughter were in indescribable grief. To top off their horror and boundless misfortune, mother and daughter learned that the young man was marrying another. He was seduced by almost a million dowry of the second bride. Thinking of creating earthly happiness for himself with a rich wife, he forgot the most important thing: happiness is not in money, but in the blessing and help of God, which he lost through his perjury and treachery. In the shadow of his illusory, insane happiness, he dreamed that his life would be secured until death. But the judgment of God guarded him. On the day of the wedding, the young man felt unwell. He had a weakness that did not leave him. He began to lose weight by leaps and bounds, and gradually became a living skeleton, went to bed and literally dried up. Nothing could console him. His soul was full of indescribable grief and longing. Being in such boundless sadness, one day in broad daylight he sees how a majestic wondrous Wife, full of great glory, enters the room. Her appearance was stern. She went up to him and said: “Oathbreaker, you deserve this punishment for your madness. Repent and bear the fruit of repentance." With Her hand She touched his hair, and they fell on the pillow, and the Wife Herself became invisible. After that, the patient immediately invited his spiritual father to him, with great weeping repented of everything to him, then called his parents to his deathbed. In their presence, he told the confessor in detail the whole story of his passion for the poor girl, about his oath before the Vladimir Icon of the Mother of God, and about the appearance to him that day of the wondrous and majestic Wife, in whom he recognized the Queen of Heaven. In conclusion, with tears, he asked his father and mother to show great mercy to the girl he had deceived, the baby born of him, and the widow, to provide for them for their whole lives. The next day, in the morning, I was again invited to him. The patient was instructed with the Sacraments of Communion and the Consecration of the Sick. He was getting weaker every minute. Finally, the Canon for the Exodus of the Soul was read. Everyone prayed and wept. Suddenly, the patient was inspired, tried to get up and with a feeling of joy quietly, but clearly said: “I see You, the Lady of the world, coming to me, but Your gaze is not strict, but merciful,” and with these words he died. (Trinity leaflets from the spiritual meadow. S. 109.)

It was obligatory in the past, and then turned into a tradition.

Today, the Christian religion offers to derive spiritual benefits from a married union. For the newlyweds, the marital union created in the temple should be a support and a way to remain faithful to the spouse and spiritual ideals.

What is church marriage?

Church marriage - in the Christian tradition, the union of a man and a woman for the purpose of forming a family.

The clergyman blesses the couple for a life together, if there are no religious obstacles for this. The ceremony takes place in churches and is called a wedding.

Union, blessed in the temple, as a sacrament is not recognized by all Christian denominations. Catholics and Orthodox have this sacrament, Protestants do not.

In some states, the church union is recognized as legal. This principle applies in Portugal and applies to Catholics.

The Goals of Spiritual Marriage

The Bible calls to live in love and respect. Spouses should give each other mutual assistance in adherence to the Christian faith.

They are obliged to provide mutual gratuitous assistance in everyday affairs. Husband and wife must be faithful and not have.

Family members should maintain the following qualities:

• patience;
• condescension;
• sacrifice;
• generosity;
• loyalty.

A husband and wife should have sexual relations acceptable from the point of view of the church.

Precisely charitable living together and service to God are the primary goals of marriage. The production of offspring in family relationships is one of the purposes of the Christian family, but not the main one.

One of the reasons for refusal may be guilt in divorce. It could be a betrayal, after which the other spouse exercised the right to break off relations.

What is considered treason in the Orthodox world?

Church union in its modern form is designed to help make right choice and be an exemplary husband or wife.

Throughout the world, civil marriage has become commonplace in terms of society, but not of the church. Fornication, no matter how you disguise it, is a sin; the attitude of the church towards civil marriage has been and remains negative.

Happiness Built on Sin

If half a century ago a couple living without marriage registration was contemptuously called cohabitants, now some people are proud of their position, explaining everything by mutual trust and freedom of action.

What kind of trust are we talking about if the couple decided to first try to become a family in order to have the opportunity to gain will at any time? Those people who boast of their freedom most likely confused this word with permissiveness.

Civil marriage

Unsettled couples initially live in lies, distrust and uncertainty about the future. Civil marriage is an illusion of the Christian family. A woman, although she calls herself a wife, in fact does not have any rights of an official spouse. Through the prism of fornication and deceit, women acquire a fictitious family, men - a free mistress, a housekeeper.

A family built on fornication will never have the patronage of the church. All sin refers to iniquity (John 3:4).

Violating the laws of spiritual life, a person leads himself to self-destruction, he has no way to get into the Kingdom of God. The apostle Paul warns about this in his letter to the Corinthians. Chapter 6 of this epistle clearly says that fornication, adultery are mortal sins.

Important! At the same time, Paul (1 Cor. 6:9-20) warns that many things are permissible for a person, but no passions should control the believer, for his body is the temple of God. Here the apostle emphasizes that the Lord's doors are always open for those who understand their sin and repent.

Every couple living in a civil marriage, if the spouses were brought up in Christian families, knows perfectly well that their relationship is a sin that will never give fullness of happiness. The main difference between a civilian family and a legal one lies in distrust, fear of responsibility, and uncertainty about one's own feelings.

About the family in Orthodoxy:

Spiritual aspect of civil marriage

Fornication, being a sin, causes spiritual illnesses, becomes the cause of many bodily ailments, misfortunes. For every sin a person will give an answer, not in this life to people, then in the future - to God. It's scary to imagine, but two-thirds of marriages break up due to divorce, and among these unfortunate couples there are many who began to build their family by fornication, intimate relationships before legal registration.

The attitude of the church towards civil marriage

Cohabitation does not carry any civil liability, many fathers abandon children, being not sure of their paternity, and former "wives" do not have the means to prove their case.

Civil marriage in Orthodoxy places the false family outside the Sacraments of the Church.

Attention! Couples living in an open relationship do not have the right to confess and receive communion. This does not apply to Christians who have legalized family relations in public authorities. In this case, the spiritual mentor each time tells the spouses about the importance of the wedding, but admits them to the Sacraments.

Life is difficult, there are situations when people cannot formalize official documents for some reason, in this case the Church has a list when a wedding is acceptable for unscheduled couples.

Trial marriages give rise to illegitimate children, who already from birth bear the guilt for the fornication of their parents. Getting entangled in trial wanderings, people change partners, get disappointed, lose ground under their feet. They are despised over time in society and not accepted in the church. The path of once disappointed spouses often ends in drug addiction, alcoholism, the search for new partners and other passions.

Church opinion

The Church appreciates the purity of premarital relationships, denying trial relationships so that future spouses learn to control their hormones, passions, remembering that permissiveness is not a blessing, but a great sin.

Is it a sin to live in a civil marriage?

Sexual attraction cannot be the basis of a family; this dope of passion will soon dissipate.

Advice! Orthodox Church blesses intimate relationships between a man and a woman, but only those who keep the law. Painting in the registry office and getting married in a church is the only way to get the legal right to a family union, but this will never be a civil marriage.

People differ from animals in that they copulate with one partner, while the responsibility between spouses and for children increases. The Church approves the growing attraction of spouses as an incentive to strengthen the family. A person who sees next to him not a sex partner, but the future parent of his children, a friend who can be trusted with everything, a reliable comrade who has not abandoned in difficult times, will never offer a trial version of the family.

Some "trial" families after a while decide on a feat, sign in the registry office and even go down the aisle, but the question arises: "Why couldn't this be done right away?" Prenuptial agreements, divorces and even the possibility re-marriage- permitted ways of derogation from the decision to create a legal relationship.

Righteousness is established not by people, by priests, but by God. Where there is no God's blessing, the devil will reign, there is no middle ground in this matter.

Only love is recognized as the basis of the Christian family, about which the apostle Paul wrote, leaving to all generations the “Hymn of Love” (1 Corinthians 13).

Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, does not pride itself, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: it covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ends.

Family Prayers:

Civil marriage was invented by people who are far from the Church, who are not afraid of God, who do not honor the covenants. Women who really want to get married, enter into a fornication in order to keep a man by any means, often find themselves lonely and barren. Relationships that are not legally formalized rarely involve the birth of children.

The church insists on a long period of getting to know each other by young people before the wedding, so as not to make a mistake in choosing, but this is not a “trial” family.

To those who say that the stamp in the passport has not deterred anyone yet, every priest will say that the articles of the law are also not an obstacle to committing a crime. The Creator is the God of the law. Christians are obliged to honor the laws of the church and their country.

Important! Christians who have made the decision to live in a civil marriage make their choice in the direction of fornication. The Most High God, our Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit cannot be near sin.

Orthodox Church on civil marriage

Jan 25, 2019 15:28 Administrator

You can discuss the article and ask questions about the Orthodox faith in the comments:

• And why did the author of this article take that civil marriage = trial marriage? At the heart of all this text is only one pre-s-s-same! And this is not necessarily the case! Civil marriage, well, or cohabitation (to be honest, I don’t care what it’s called) can take place for completely different reasons. For example, people simply do not see the point in a stamp in a passport as such. At the same time, they may well love each other and want to live their whole lives together, but they do not want what is meaningless from their point of view. And, by the way, about respect for the laws of their country. Do we have a law obliging anyone to register their relationship officially? Tell a lawyer about this.

  • Good afternoon. Of course, if you look at the issue of ordinary cohabitation very superficially, without delving into the essence and depth - life is like life. People love each other, people want to be together. Take together and live. Without obligations and burdens in the form of some meaningless clichés, shouldering responsibility, promises of loyalty and other things. So life is very comfortable. Didn't like it - ran away and forgot. And, of course, there are no legal restrictions (apart from the question of age) forbidding people to simply move in and live together.

    That's just such an approach greatly devalues ​​the concept of the family, not to mention the true marriage, which is not here and close. Orthodoxy teaches us that a Christian marriage, sanctified by the grace of God in the Sacrament of the Wedding, is an analogue of the relationship between Christ and the Church. The requirements and bar for relations between Orthodox spouses are very high, and it is often impossible for modern people to reach it. The basis of Christian marriage is love and sacrifice. The fact that marriage is a sacrifice in modern society is not only not customary to talk about, but even somehow indecent. Why sacrifice yourself for someone if you can live in comfortable conditions while your partner suits you?

    Of course, you can live like this, but there is nothing to do with a real marriage union. As a result, such cohabitants cannot even come close to tasting the spiritual joy and unity that exists in a real marriage. What is now called love, more often than not, is not. True marital love is not born immediately, but after years and years of family life. And yes, true marital love is impossible without sacrifice. It is not about, for example, sacrificing one's life for the whim of a tyrannical husband, or an alcoholic who beats his wife and children. Christ does not require such sacrifices. Sacrifice in marriage is a readiness and a sincere desire to take care, first of all, of the other, and only after that, of oneself. Deny something to yourself, but give it to another. And to do this not in the heat of the first vivid feelings of falling in love, when the whole world is ready to throw at the feet of a lover, but all your life. And in routine, and in poverty, and in illness. It is hard, but it is also a great happiness. Is it possible to build such relationships if initially they are based only on personal comfort, on living together, while it is good and convenient? Obviously not.

    And, of course, it is quite natural and logical for any believer to ask God's blessing for all important stages of his life. And starting a family is one of them. It is difficult to imagine a person who considers himself Orthodox, but decided to create a family without God's help. That is why believers begin the Sacrament of the Wedding. And it involves the creation of a family once and for life. And there can be no trials and informal cohabitation here, simply in view of the seriousness of the step. For example, when you sell an apartment, you formalize all relations with the buyer officially, even if it is your relative, friend or person you trust. You may not even think that he will deceive you, and so it can be. But the responsibility and seriousness of the deal being concluded imposes on you the obligation to formalize it. So why, entering into family life, V milestone of our entire existence, we treat it more irresponsibly than the sale of an apartment? The question remains open...