Confessions of old maids: revelations of women who have neither family nor children. Last requests for help I feel good next to me

Hello. Please help me understand the situation. My name is Elena, 38 years old. We live together with my mother in Ukraine. Several times I turned to specialists, they removed damage, evil eye. The result is no family, no children, no money, no health. Maybe I just need the help of a psychologist?

Hello, Elena. First of all, I want to reassure you: there is no evil eye and, moreover, damage to you. Damage and the evil eye are easy to calculate: misfortunes begin from a certain moment, for example, after a meeting, incident or discovery. In your case, events develop smoothly, without pronounced ups and downs.

In most cases, the object of damage is the physical body. The flow of negative vibrations destroys the protective barrier and causes quite serious and even fatal diseases that cannot always be diagnosed. traditional medicine. If something similar happened to you, you would mention health problems first, and not casually. It is possible that we are talking about mild ailments, the true cause of which often lies in a lack of energy and optimism. Such symptoms may indicate that a significant part of the vitality is spent on restoring the protective shell damaged by negative vibrations, but this, again, is not your case.

Your energy potential is with you, it remains only to properly dispose of it. You waste it thoughtlessly, trying to move in several directions at once, as a result - you can’t really focus on any of them. You cannot be reproached for inactivity, only there is no need to make so much effort: upon closer examination, it becomes obvious that a number of problems that you are currently working on stem from unresolved previous ones. If you build a logical chain, the list of your goals and objectives will significantly decrease, therefore, the released energy can be concentrated on solving the highest priority ones.

For example, solving the problem of an unsettled personal life is the key to family relations. It has long been noticed that an orderly intimate life removes half of the ailments like a hand. You probably know that today, childbirth at your age is not only not considered late, but is even considered by modern doctors as a positive factor. And caring for a child brings new meaning to life. Your life experience will help you choose a life partner who has already established himself as a person, has found his place in life and has a stable income that allows him to provide for his family. Thus, efforts focused on one chosen goal will bring a much more significant result than throwing from one area of ​​\u200b\u200blife to another.

We are accustomed to pity single women: poor, unfortunate, alone and alone. When we meet, we ask them stupid questions: “Well, didn’t you get married? And then, the clock is ticking." The revelations of three Russian women who have no family or children will change your opinion about them.

I feel good next to me

Irina, 47 years old, marketing company specialist:

I don't care at all that I don't have a husband and children. Here at all. I never aspired to this. I am very good with myself. And all this because I am my best friend and interlocutor. I was betrayed by my friends, humiliated and left by men. And that's enough. I don't want to suffer anymore. When I was 18 years old, I began to live with a boy musician, who later became a famous lead singer of a famous band. But then it was youthful love. I lived in civil marriage four years. And at 22 she became a neurotic. Night visits with friends, quarrels, girls in my bed, betrayals ... I endured all this for a long time. And then she moved back to her mother. Mom is the most precious person in my life. Always understand, embrace, support. It is comfortable with her, as in childhood. Better than with a man. At the same time, I am completely beautiful woman. Let a little with forms, but I look like Jessica Alba. I have been told this many times. At the age of 28, I met a man who simply took me in an armful and took me to Moscow. I lived with him for a year and ran back. From this cell. Jealous terribly. I even checked the checks that I threw in the trash can. And again I returned to my mother. She silently hugged me. Again. And then I sobbed for several days in a row: “Mom, why does love hurt so much? Why is everything like this? Mom answered me that she herself chose reasonable loneliness for herself in order to protect herself from the pain of heartache. The relationship didn't work out anymore.

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I did unpleasant things in my life ... I lost best friend. At 38, she decided to have a baby for herself. But since I am a smart, practical person, with a scientific degree, I approached this issue in the same way. Wisely. My friend's husband has been paying attention to me for a long time. At one of the parties agreed to meet him. I knew him for fifteen years, two wonderful, smart children. The genetics are great. In general, we started dating. Once a month on the days I need. A year later, I got tested. The diagnosis is not comforting: infertility. And they also removed the pipe ... And at that time my friend found out everything. Accidentally. A break, a quarrel, a terrible aftertaste. The family never recovered. And I didn't feel anything for him. That's the only thing I regret. Still. She threw herself into work. Now I am 47 years old. I look great. I make good money. I go on trips. I found a great way not to mess with people: on the site I find fellow travelers, women of my age. You can rest easy with them and calmly leave for different cities. There are two friends at work. Sometimes we relax with a bottle of wine and blue cheese. I go to concerts, movies, exhibitions. And I think I'm fine with myself.

Why is it necessary to bind yourself with family ties and bear children? Who came up with these rules?

At my age, there are a lot of single women from whom their children also pull money. I have order at home. And not even a cat! And when you find out from someone that they call you an old maid, it becomes funny. I'm still young, fitness, pool, expensive dresses on me, I feel the views of men. But I don't need them. So harmony comes first. And I have it. I recently started writing a book...

Life cannot be turned back

Oksana, 52, social worker:

Now I cry a lot. Especially when the weather is such that it's just lonely to look out the window. And I often look out the window. I live on the first floor and the windows face the side where there are a lot of people. Across the road - kindergarten. A little further away is a tram stop. In the summer I hear people talking. Laughing or crying children. And I live alone. Spinster so you can call me. It so happened in my life that I once loved one person very much. I am monogamous. I gave myself a diagnosis. The man was married. Either he left his wife and child for me, then he returned to the family. And this went on for ten years. And my conscience tormented me greatly, but I could not do anything with myself. I was just dying of love for him. I wanted to have a child for him. Got pregnant. And he gave money for an abortion. I did and decided to break up with him. At this time, the brother of my friend began to look after me. So beautiful, so everything was amazingly subtle and romantic. Flowers, perfume, sweets, concert tickets. I could not get used to and force myself. Again began to meet with Lesha. He moved in with me, and it was such a joy. But six months later he returned to his wife again. I was 35 years old ... And since then I have not had a single man. I've been single for 16 years. Alone in my apartment, in which I can’t even make repairs. When I'm sick, I really want someone to make tea. There are many people at work, but few girlfriends and friends. I can't. Of the relatives, only a sister and her husband. The parents are no more. I have a niece in 11th grade. When I was little, she needed me. And now he rarely runs in, prepares for exams, and our relationship is not close.

I regret only one thing, that I did not give birth to a child and did not marry then good guy. Loneliness is very suffocating. Especially when there are children, people, couples, a society of families around. And I feel like an empty, dry tree. What am I here for? What have I done in my 50s ... I couldn’t even make myself happy. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to live, I watch TV and fall asleep under it ...

Stop! What kind of loneliness? Did not hear!

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Marina, 43 years old:

And everything flew by so quickly for me, I didn’t even notice how by the age of 43 I ended up in a row of old maids. Well, what does this mean ... I have never been married, I have not given birth to any children. Like this! And what to say. I didn’t want to get married, somehow it didn’t work out with children. I did not feel any special maternal urges, but I wanted to give birth from a loved one and in marriage. There are so many friends with children around me that I have never had a lack of communication with these slobbery peanuts. And try to call me an old maid! Mom and dad are still walking in the mountains in tents, they are pulling me out. I feel like a child in a way. My friends are mostly 10-15 years younger than me. We dance until morning in clubs, record music. I recently mastered a new sport - capoeira. There is no relationship with a man. But I don't suffer. Either my requirements are high, or there are some, and it’s true that we don’t have men, that is, not one of them lights me up. I don't suffer from lack of sex either. I have no time. I just fall off my feet. Work, training, communication, new projects.

I completely understand that I automatically filled my life to capacity and at the age of 60 I’m just freaking out from loneliness

And then I say to myself: “Stop! What kind of loneliness? There are a lot of people around who love me. Their children very often stay with me, I godmother at six! All holidays with children. At 60, I'm still going to travel around the world ... What if at 43 I meet that dear one? And I’m still giving birth ... Perhaps! I don’t have a complex that I didn’t fulfill the roles given to me as a woman by nature: to become a wife and a mother hen. And I like my age, I don't know why. Less dope, more opportunities and brains. My friends who are not in Russia are also just starting to get married. With children, it seems to be more difficult. This is responsibility and sleepless nights. But we must strive for this and go. Everyone has his own path. And I don't like that expression... Old maid. I'm not a virgin and I love men. I want to find mine. And from him I will try, God willing, to give birth. And while I'm good. And life is great!

You look, one person is born, but so-so, button eyes, crooked legs, and immediately care and respect for him, lies in a warm blanket and does not blow in his mustache. Everyone smiles at him, hugging him. And everything goes as it should with him without knots and hooks. And the other one, who seems to be pretty, smart, but as if he doesn’t exist at all, grows like a weed in a garden, thought Grunya. She was born into a peasant family, she did not remember her mother who died in childbirth, and her stepmother needed her stepdaughter like a fifth leg to a dog. And so she grew up. Having matured, she met her happiness, which was short-lived, and those memories only ached her heart.

She was thirty-five years old, and, as people used to say, she had no stake, no yard, no husband, no children. And she lived in her father's house with her stepmother in the village of Fedino, which is in the Yaroslavl province. In early youth, many guys wanted to marry a hard-working, blue-eyed girl with a wheaten tight braid, but apparently loneliness was destined for her. And she was a songstress, which cannot be found in the whole world. And if she took on the job, then everything was arguing with her and it turned out smoothly. And, really, what kind of lace weaved, just a feast for the eyes, as if frosty patterns were deduced. Father Ilya Pavlovich did not cherish the soul in Grun, it was clear that she looked like her late mother. And they had a secret with their daughter, which only they knew about. Sometimes, when no one was at home, they hug and talk, they don’t talk enough, and then compassionate songs are sung and they themselves cry ...

Grunya worked, being not a serf, for many years in a row for the Kruglyakovs, spinning twenty-three arshins of talc a day. It was hard for the poor people, the landowner was often fierce, and he beat with rods, put him in a closet without food ... It became unbearable to live, the norms for hoist were inflated, to be sure, slaves in a word. Late in the evening, the peasant women gathered at work and said, let's write to the tsar himself on Kruglyakov, they say he is mocking us, he won’t let us live. And only Grunya was taught to read and write. And they themselves didn’t know where to send the letter, not to the grandfather’s village, so they abandoned this idea.

Somehow the lady found out that she weaves fabulous lace and ordered her to show off in a new dress in front of rich relatives who came from St. Petersburg itself.

Grunya worked during the day and wove lace at night. How did you have enough strength? And they turned out divinely beautiful. Agrippina wrapped them in clean paper and went to bed with peace of mind. And the evil stepmother woke up early and decided to see what she had concocted. And what can I say, she did not like her stepdaughter, and decided to harm her, but why and for what, she herself probably did not know. She cut the threads so that the laces bloomed. And so it happened, as it was intended by the stepmother. The landowner stomps her feet, waves her arms and shouts: “Krivoruka, nedeluha, what will I appear in front of my relatives?” And she does not understand why she is scolded. And as soon as she saw the blossoming lace, she died. All night, without a wink of an eye, she worked to correct the error, in the morning she came to the master's house, confessed, giving the work to the mistress. And she put them on her dress and turns in front of the mirror, then stands sideways, then front, smiling at her reflection. Then she gave her a few coins and pointed to the door with her finger, saying go, what are you waiting for, enough for a peasant woman and so much. Grunya bowed from the waist and went out.

And no one canceled her work, and again she worked all day, tirelessly, processing the hoist. In the evening, his eyes began to stick together from fatigue, and his hands were still moving, and the norm must be fulfilled, otherwise they will be punished. In honor of the Nativity of Christ, all the workers were allowed to go home, but she kept working, she was very responsible. As it became quite dark, she decided to light a torch. And she didn’t notice how she fell asleep, but take a spark and get on the yarn, it smoldered, smoldered and caught fire. She woke up, runs, puts out the flames, but part of the work still could not be saved, burned clean. And she would have completed it overnight, no one noticed. But then in the morning, as luck would have it, the manager appeared, realizing what was the matter, and let's whip her with a whip, and drive her to the manor's estate. All she could do was cover her face with her hands. They could have been imprisoned for such a thing, but the lady stood up for her, her sisters were painfully jealous of the lace they saw on the dress. And they would have left her at work, but only one peasant woman, the most narrow-minded, take it and tell the master about the letter to the tsar. Oh, what started here, it got even worse. And the master was frightened and kicked her out of work, saying: “It is not profitable to keep a non-serf girl, not to beat her to death, not to throw her into the underground with rats.

And in the village, where will you find work after such an incident? At first, she contracted to nurse other people's children for a bowl of soup, but in the summer she was no longer needed. Fortunately, lace was saved, but they had to be sold at a fair for thirty miles. And in the winter all trade stopped. But Grunya could not sit on her father's neck, and they began to reproach her with a piece of bread. And she began to think how to get out of this difficult situation. Meanwhile, somehow a joyful stepmother brings into the house a wry-eyed peasant who has recently been widowed, and let's praise Grunya to him. It seemed strange to her, this had never happened to her, and here on you, and even speaks so sweetly, like a nightingale sings. “That’s not for nothing,” she thought.
Continuation...

I am 37 years old. I have nothing and no one. No family, no children. Not because I don’t want to - just, at least hurt yourself, but nothing happens. I really wanted to meet my loved one. 7 years have passed since a difficult divorce. There was also a clinic of neuroses, and PND, and a bunch of other physical illnesses. She recently underwent a major operation. Now the scar is half the body (this is already the 4th operation). The question is why I live. What is the meaning of my existence? All my friends are married. After my depressions and neuroses, they do not want to communicate with me. The work got boring. I just want that once - and there is no me, no pain, no blood. I am tired of enduring pain, both physical and mental. And thoughts about the rope constantly. No one will notice my departure. But there were loved ones who do not remember, and girlfriends who forgot me. And there are no new ones. Loneliness is scary. I walk around in a closed circle. I can't get out of it. Is it necessary? After all, nothing changes for me. Only more and more pain. And there was no faith left at all ... They say that I am constantly in the negative. But if the bad overlaps the good, the constant struggle for existence, and not the joy of life - then what? The feeling that all bad things stick to me. So many different and incomprehensible diseases. And hospitals all the time, and loneliness. That's enough, I guess! Just tired.
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Natalia, age: 37/15.03.2009

Responses:

Take the baby out orphanage. You can not chest, but able to communicate. He is also alone, and he has nothing and no one. I did so. We are both extremely happy that we found each other in this world.

nichya, age: 34/16.03.2009

Hello! Your letter is a cry from the heart. I myself was once in such a state. I am 40 years old, at 35 I gave birth to a son, and it so happened that I was left alone with the child. I no longer have parents, I have no home of my own. My son is now 5 years old, I went to work when he was 2 years old, I couldn’t arrange a kindergarten, he was sitting at home alone! Imagine how your heart breaks when you sit at work and think, how is he. Now he has been going to the garden for the 2nd week. Little by little everything settles down. A year ago, I worked for a salary of 3,000 rubles, rented an apartment for 2,500.
It was difficult and the thoughts were different. I forced myself to go to church and repent. The confessor, when he supports, when he scolds you, and you go out of the church crying to your heart's content. Now I try not to allow such thoughts, and everything negative in my life began to fade into the background. I again see how the sun is shining, the snow is melting, how happy my baby is when I come ...
Believe and everything will work out!

Elena, age: 40/03/16/2009

Natasha, read Andrew Matthew's "How to Be Happy" - believe me, it helps a lot.
Also, you lack faith. Loneliness is not at all scary, you can do so much, no one bothers. And know that you are not alone, God is always with you.
Visits to the Orphanage - help someone, adopt a child. How much good can you do to people before leaving this world. You will do good, and then, you see, you will want to live. You try, in the hospice of congresses, in the nursing home. How many people will need you, because maybe no one comes to them, and you will be like a ray.

Eva, age: 35 / 16.03.2009

I live in ugly fear every day, when I push back depression, then it returns even more painfully, I know that organic depression can be overcome simply by cleansing the body, but the pressure of hatred can only be overcome by helping other people in the same way. But I just don't know who. And I don't know what. I can - ONLY OFFER MYSELF AS an EXAMPLE - look how many problems I have, and I'm not suffering myself - I myself have long been covered with a crust of fierce patience, but my son is suffering, and an even more terrible fate awaits him if I leave him .. You don't have a hopeless situation. Go to sites where they talk about abandoned children. They are small, there are too many of them, the staff does not keep up, and YOU HAVE A HOUSING, it may be worth reorienting your time to going to children's hospitals, leaving the circle. Addiction to loneliness is treated in the same way as drug addiction - abstinence and God's help, which comes to effort, and you have the Internet - find out about Mother Teresa, did she ask herself - what is the meaning of life ...

Yes, a sad age and a sad background. 37 is generally a crisis date. You somehow get stronger, survive it, crawl over if you can’t jump over it. It will definitely get easier. In general, life is easier with age, mind you.
And the worst thing in all this is your words: "And there is no faith left at all ..." But it is said that "the Kingdom of God is taken by force" - try to answer all these temptations with fervent prayer and frequent communion. Go to a monastery and live there for at least two weeks, look for peace of mind: there will be peace in the soul - there will be joy in life.
Calm down, strengthen yourself spiritually - and there you can think about how to build your other half of life. Or maybe God, through prayers, will send you the desired "half". Pray simply: "Show me, Lord, the way, and I will follow it!"

Agnia Lvovna, age: 68 / 03/16/2009

In any case, you need to fight to the end. Gather all your strength. Go to church. Life is always difficult.
Even if you don't have friends, there are still people who care about you. Just imagine... you are dying.. your earthly life is ending.. while others continue. And hell will be much worse. Don't give up! Let it be hard .. but still .. you need to fight .. believe .. God will help ... everything will be fine.

Masha, age: Little / 03/16/2009

Dear Natalia! I highly advise you, go to the temple, talk to the priest and ask for a job at the temple, in your free time from your main job. They will let you go by the millimeter. At first, nothing will be clear in the service, but you will feel the grace of the Lord without words. God is love. Go to the monastery. Start praying. let's pray for you. Order a magpie for health in the temple, if you are baptized. God bless you! It is bitter to read your story, but I saw in my life how they got out of more difficult situations and I believe in you.

Victoria, age: 23/16.03.2009

Take the child from the orphanage. And who will give it to you, if there is no husband, let alone work. It is very easy to give advice to people who have not been in this situation themselves. The only thing I can advise you is to believe Natalia. Yes, yes, believe in God. Go to church more often, confess, communicate with the spiritual father. And you will see that God will help you find happiness. There simply cannot be another.

Ksenia, age: 38 / 29.10.2013

I am 48 years old. It so happened that I was left alone. No family, no children. Nobody. Looking for love is unrealistic at my age, and not before that right now, my life is difficult. How to stop being afraid of loneliness? What settings should you give yourself?

Fear kills personality! No need to write yourself off! life continues to be, we grow old only in the body, our soul remains to be eternal!
Stop pitying yourself! The loneliness of a woman lies in her stinginess! You have become lonely only of your own free will, because you are not ready to give your attention to anyone but yourself. It's time to learn to live for others, only then the feeling of loneliness will go away. Find a person for whom you will do good, feed people, colleagues, colleagues, start living for others, stop focusing only on yourself

I advise you to get a pet) Cats, dogs, parrots ... anyone!
Find yourself a hobby. Sign up for some knitting courses. Get to know someone and see how it goes!
Why is it impossible to find love? Love should always be next to a person) Good luck!

Why are you afraid of loneliness? After all, it seems that it doesn't get any worse... You are already alone. Therefore, fear, perhaps most likely due to uncertainty in a new situation for you. And there is no one to consult with and no one to lay one's head on ... A very difficult situation. Do not despair, go to church, read prayers at night and in the morning. Of course, the best salvation from all shocks is love ... But you need to be mentally prepared for it. At your age, she is real, there are dating sites .... In the meantime, try as much as possible to please yourself with something, despite the difficulties of life. And don't forget about the church... And remember that this situation has been given to you, because God knows that you will cope with it, and this is a lesson for you. From which you must draw conclusions and change yourself. I wish you a speedy recovery and a new true love.

Looking for your love is not meaningless! She may come unexpectedly. Then you can adopt a child. Although a married couple is preferred, but if you can provide a future for him - why not?

Try to find old friends. On social media, for example. Not everyone has a perfect life, maybe some of them are lonely too. Just acquaintances for communication, not for love. Attitudes - to appreciate what is, someone does not even have this. If I were you, I would devote all my free time to those hobbies (sports and creative) for which there was no time before. Being alone also has its advantages. But if it’s hard for you, then visit social events as often as possible, places with a large crowd of people, and spend evenings at home as little as possible. If it's hard for you to fall asleep alone, play sports to kill, so that when you go to bed, you just pass out. Come up with activities for the evening in advance so that there is no time to think about loneliness. Find virtual friends to chat with in the evenings. Listen to music, watch movies, read books.

In Spain, there are city parks where single women and men over 60 regularly gather to find a mate. And there no one considers it strange, and does not lament that it is too late for them. So here the thinking pattern just works - it can be thrown into the dump of unnecessary thoughts as unnecessary)))
And also watch the movie "Love by the rules and without" with Keanu Reeves and Jack Nicholson. And you will enjoy the cool game of actors and find answers to your questions))

Good time to you! Do not despair. No matter how old you are, 48 or 16, big family or a lonely homeless person (from the life of comparison, not for the sake of eloquence), in illness or completely healthy, if there is God in the Soul and it is alive, then listen to Her, she will tell you what to do ... if the Voice of the Soul is no longer heard, turn to God for help in hearing ... Good luck to you.

I have learned the following in life: all people are unhappy and happy to about the same extent, just take a closer look. It’s just that someone likes to brag about the good, hiding the bad, and someone vice versa (likes to be pitied). About having a husband and children. Consider the following options: 1-good husband and children; 2-bad husband and children; 3-absence of husband and children. (Please forgive me for such designations, under the concept " good husband"I mean presence mutual love, lack of alcoholism, etc. "Good children" are grateful and prosperous children, and God forbid, they are not seriously ill and not drug addicts ...) So: I think that not having a husband and children is not the worst option , much worse - option #3. And further. Each of us is responsible before God, first of all, for the development of his soul, for his deeds on Earth, and not for "whether he planted a tree and gave birth to a son." Someone improves the soul, living in a family, and someone helping strangers or introducing something new to the development of mankind. And 48 years old (and 58 too :-)) is a great age to meet a loving and decent man! With all my heart I wish you health and love! And love your life!

What's wrong with your age? You are only 48 years old! Many people put an end to themselves and their future, including you. The fact that a woman has a husband and a child is often not an indicator that she is not alone. Loneliness is a state of mind. Therefore, you have a choice: call it loneliness or freedom. A person enjoys freedom, it's like a breath of fresh air, freed one suddenly sees new horizons, opportunities, seeks to know the world, oneself. What threatens loneliness? Sadness, depression, uselessness to anyone, the sheer hopeless dullness of everyday life, everything is bad ... True, how are you? Therefore, the choice is yours: on the weekends, lie under the covers all day, feeling sorry for yourself, or organize a fun trip to the amusement park - with friends, colleagues, neighbors, with anyone! Get a job as a volunteer in an orphanage or an animal shelter - that's where you will always be missed and look forward to your arrival! At the same time, you will understand who has a hard life and you will certainly stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, there will be no time. And at home please yourself more often interesting book, a movie or a tasty treat prepared for yourself by your beloved, praise yourself more often and, if possible, please. Don't focus on being alone. After all, any fear can eventually turn into a phobia. You don't want that, do you?

I don't have a family or kids either. But it seems to me that this is not the case. A person may be afraid of loneliness and being married and with children. Although he will have at least the illusion that he is not alone ... But we do not have it. Even illusions. But. You can even look for love at your age, and in general at any. Everyone has their own cross, someone has a family, someone has loneliness. Everyone is given what he can bear. This may not seem like a consolation to you, but I know a lot of children who do not really visit their parents, and some are considered a burden, for example, when someone is sick. Get yourself an animal, a cat, a dog, two cats and you will not feel lonely. Just don’t turn into a crazy woman who gets 40 cats in a one-room apartment))) I can’t say anything about the installations, I just don’t think about what I will do, for example, in retirement. But I think that I will buy myself a house in the country and will be engaged in floriculture. Since I am a deep introvert, loneliness does not scare me, but on the contrary, the people around me scare me. I will advise you to go out to people more, go to exhibitions, museums, sign up for a pool. Take it easy and don't think of problems.

You see the question that one of the users of the site asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

Either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites, answer.
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