Features of the Chechen family and upbringing. Chechen traditions of raising children Better late than never

In Chechnya, one parable is very popular: a young mother went to an old man to ask him when to start raising a child. The elder asked how old the baby was. She replied: one month. The elder, without thinking, said that she was exactly a month late with her upbringing. The most important thing that children are taught according to Chechen traditions is respect for elders. The name of the father is an indisputable authority that acts on the child in a magical way.

Each of the children is a project, the implementation of which depends entirely on the organizers - the father and mother. In the end, a person, raising and spending money on the education of children, invests both his strength and finances in them in order to ensure his old age, remaining respected in society both during life and after death. Older people often say that there is nothing more pleasant in old age than hearing from strangers about the merits of their children and how respected they have become.

Despite the fact that the modern world leaves its mark on traditions, on the family way of life, on the upbringing of children, Chechnya has managed to preserve one of the most important traditions - having many children. Asking a 30-year-old Chechen who doesn't have a steady job or stable income why he has so many children is like wondering if he needs his brothers and sisters. Until now, when a child is born, in the first congratulations to parents, everyone wishes that the child who was born had seven brothers. And it doesn't matter if it's the third child or the fifth. A family with seven brothers is a very serious argument worthy of respect in Chechen society.

EXPERT OPINION

historian, lecturer at CSU, SmartNews

The main educator of children in a Chechen family is the mother. If in an ideal Chechen family a boy learns from the example of his father, carried away by his authority, then his mother is practically the first teacher. A woman can turn to her husband for help only in extreme cases, when the child is out of hand. “I will tell my father everything when he returns” - such statements act on children like shock therapy. Even if the father never raised a hand against the children.

I never sat down in front of my father, never talked. When asked, I answered. I tried not to go into the room where my parents were together. Never my father and I recent years in the presence of my grandfather did not communicate. I don't remember my father praising me. It's the same in our family. In the presence of my father, I never spoke to my wife and children. We were brought up that way. And these traditions will continue.

In fact, according to traditional adats, Chechens will never praise their children in public. Almost any Chechen father will remain silent if his son tells him about successes. The father and son communicated through the mother, keeping a distance. But the core of the son's upbringing was the father, who should be imitated and strive for his ideal.

My father has always been the most important thing for me after the Almighty. I did everything to please my father, so that he would say, Ramzan - good boy. He taught me to do good, to learn, to always work for the good of the people. This is what I did. We had a special relationship. He forgave me a lot. But I, for one, never showed him that I was more than he slept. I always got up earlier, went to bed later so that he would not see that I was sleeping. We still have such a rule - do not show your father for a month until he sees you by chance.

My mother and I had a separate relationship. Everything that I wanted to tell my father, I conveyed through my mother. She is like a translator.

The punishment of the mother was considered not so shameful, especially since it was usually carried out only during the first years of life. At the same time, the word of grandmother has always had great authority for a boy, especially a teenager.

Grandmothers play a colossal role in raising children in Chechnya. It was my grandmother who raised me and is raising my children, because she knows much more than anyone else. We have the wisest grandparents. And my grandfather is a very respected person. It is a great happiness for me that my grandfather and grandmother are raising my children.

EXPERT OPINION

child psychologist, SmartNews

Grandparents play a special role in the upbringing of Chechen children. The writer Musa Beksultanov has a story where an old man takes his grandson with him to hunt. This was a long-awaited trip for the boy. Grandfather allowed him to take a rifle and shoot at the animal. At the last moment, when the game was at gunpoint, the boy did not shoot, and the frightened roe deer ran away. The boy felt ashamed of his weakness and began to cry. Grandfather, on the contrary, praised him for his humanity. "Well done, you will grow good man!" - said the old man.

For all their brutality, the Chechens have always valued humanity and mercy, taught children to it. For the boy from the story, such a grandfather’s reaction to the seemingly weakness that he showed, in fact, will have a very strong effect in the future. He will understand that a strong person will not offend a weak one. For children at this age, this is a big change.

Even pre-revolutionary historians showed interest in the Chechen traditions of raising boys. To their question why parents do not beat their children, fathers and mothers answered: “We want them to grow up as people.” And the famous Russian Caucasian scholar Adolf Berger claimed that Chechens never beat their sons, because they are afraid that they will grow up to be cowards. The son is not beaten or scolded so that he does not know the feeling of fear.

Chechen historians refer to psychologists who claim that a person who has gone through fear can become a great oppressor. In the worst case, the Chechens believed, such a person could have his soul taken away. They say that if a Chechen is afraid of something, he should only be afraid of shame or losing face. As the Vainakh proverb says, a horse that was beaten with a whip will not become a real horse.

The upbringing of children began with a fairly early age. This does not mean that they were forced to do some laborious work. On the contrary, up to a certain age, children were forbidden to lift weights. Chechens never beat their sons. Today, this principle is not particularly reverently observed. Sometimes parents are forced to flog their negligent offspring with a belt, as if eliminating their own shortcomings made in the process of education. Sometimes such a spanking is beneficial. The policy of carrots and sticks as a contrasting approach also justifies itself - depending on the degree of understanding of a teenager. On the whole, upbringing implies, first of all, edification and censure, rather than corporal punishment.

The Chechens and Ingush never abandoned children. A lost child could be taken under their care by complete strangers. Proof of this is a case that occurred a few years ago in Ingushetia. In the village of Achaluki, relatives found a Chechen boy who disappeared 16 years ago. Somehow, from the Chechen city of Argun, he ended up on the border with Ingushetia. Having discovered the child, a local resident, who worked at that time in the Ingush police, took him to him. Since that time, Murad Soltanmuradov has been living in two families.

SMARTNEWS HELP

There has long been a tradition in Chechnya when a brother can give his child to his brother and daughter-in-law who do not have children. Usually children learn the truth only when they become teenagers, and until then they consider their adoptive parents as their father and mother. Such children will never be deprived of the attention of both adoptive and true parents. Islam, which is now professed by the Chechens, as well as the traditional law of the Chechens - adat, strictly regulates the rules for the adoption of children. At the same time, according to representatives of the clergy, according to the canons of Islam, adoption can be of two types: permitted and prohibited. Permitted is the type of adoption when a child is taken into a family in order to give him the right upbringing, show kindness and sensitivity to him and completely replace his parents.

Prohibited is when a child is adopted so that he is considered a child of adoptive parents and the same rules apply to him as to other children in the new family. An adopted child cannot be given a new surname, and he is not obliged to consider strangers as his parents. If the true parents of the adopted child are alive, then he should know about them.

“Each of the children is a project, the implementation of which is completely dependent on the organizers - father and mother,” I agree with this statement. After all, the future of his child depends on the parents. And here it is necessary to make a lot of efforts so that the child can find himself, his vocation, upbringing, education - all this plays a big role.

00.05 – 01.00

On the radio station "Echo of Moscow" - Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of Chechnya.

The broadcast is hosted by Ashot Nasibov.

A. NASIBOV - Good night, dear listeners. Ashot Nasibov at the Ekho Moskvy microphone. We are starting the next edition of the "School of a Young Father". Our guest today is Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of the Chechen government. Ramzan Akhmadovich, can you hear me?

R. KADYROV - Yes, I hear.

A. NASIBOV - Hello. Thank you for being part of our show. Let me remind you, the on-air pager number for dear listeners is 725-66-33. You can ask questions right now. And we are starting a conversation with Ramzan Akhmadovich Kadyrov. Hello. Ramzan Akhmadovich, traditionally, at the beginning of our program, I want to tell you that you have every right not to answer any of my questions or the questions of our listeners, because the topic of our conversation is “raising children in the Chechen way”, the topic of raising children in general is a very personal topic that touches all the most subtle strings of the human soul. Can you hear me well?

R. KADYROV - Yes, I hear.

A. NASIBOV - Let's start with the most general statistical biographical data. How old are you?

R. KADYROV - 29.

A. NASIBOV - How many children do you have?

R. KADYROV - Five.

A. NASIBOV - I was preparing for the broadcast, I read that you have six children. I was surprised too, because I thought there were five. How many boys, how many girls?

R. KADYROV - One boy and four girls.

R. KADYROV - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - Congratulations. The birth of a child, especially a boy, in a family is a very big event. Congratulations.

R. KADYROV - Thank you very much.

A. NASIBOV - What are the names of the children? How old are they?

R. KADYROV - The elder Aykhat, the second Karina, the last Tabara, and Ahmad the younger.

A. NASIBOV - And how old is the oldest?

R. KADYROV - 8, 5, 4 and 3 and 2 months.

A. NASIBOV - When your son was born, I know that you especially wanted a son, were you very happy? Honestly.

R. KADYROV - I was glad, because it adds blood, a Chechen family must have a son. I am very happy because I have a successor.

A. NASIBOV - How did you celebrate? How long did you celebrate?

R. KADYROV - We didn't start. I think we shouldn't celebrate. He just arrived home yesterday, he was in the hospital, then the plane. He flew home yesterday. Now let's celebrate.

A. NASIBOV - Did he just fly home for the first time?

R. KADYROV - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - So you haven't seen your son at home all these two months?

R. KADYROV - He was in an apartment in Moscow. He came home to Chechnya yesterday for the first time.

A. NASIBOV - But how will you celebrate, tell us?

R. KADYROV - My friend, elder brother Adam, he will organize, and I will be present. Friends determine this in Chechnya.

A. NASIBOV - And when you were born, how did you celebrate?

R. KADYROV - As it happens in Chechnya, they danced, had fun, shot, walked. I think that they celebrated it all over Chechnya and showed it everywhere.

A. NASIBOV - When your daughters were born, didn't you celebrate like that?

R. KADYROV - When the daughters appeared, it was not like that.

A. NASIBOV - Are your children all from the same wife?

R. KADYROV - Yes, of course. I have a one and only beloved wife.

A. NASIBOV - How did she react to the appearance of her son?

R. KADYROV - Of course, I'm glad. For her, this is happiness, because we love each other, if we had not had a son, I had to live on ... for complete happiness, we needed a son. And we have it. Our family is happy.

A. NASIBOV - How do you feel about polygamy? I know that some...

R. KADYROV - In Chechnya, this is necessary, because we have a war, we have more women than men.

A. NASIBOV - To what extent?

R. KADYROV - By 9%. And another 18% also spoke. According to the latest data, I personally conducted statistics, I was told that there are 9% more women than men in our country. It is absolutely necessary, because it is very important for the Chechen people. According to Sharia, this allows, therefore, everyone who can support must have 4 wives. I welcome it.

A. NASIBOV - And you are not going to fix this norm by law?

R. KADYROV - No. It is every person who decides how to live. He is the owner, he determines, we will not interfere in personal life, I'm sure.

A. NASIBOV - Tell us what customs you have for children in the family. For example, are children required to stand in the presence of adults, in the presence of their father, or are they allowed to sit? When guests arrive, can the girls show themselves in the room where the guests are, or is it better for them not to do this? What are the customs?

R. KADYROV - I can tell you how I was brought up, how I spent my life. I never sat down in the presence of my father and never spoke, when asked, I answered. Further. I tried not to go into the room where my parents are together. Until the last years, my father and I never communicated in the presence of my grandfather. I don't remember my father praising or caressing me. It's exactly the same in our family. In the presence of my father, I never spoke to my wife and children. We were brought up that way. And this education will continue.

A. NASIBOV - So you continue these traditions?

R. KADYROV - Yes. This is from our ancestors.

A. NASIBOV - Tell me, what are the features of the upbringing of girls and the upbringing of boys in Chechen families, in particular, in your family? From the experience of your father raising you.

R. KADYROV - A woman is a housewife. Her duties include raising children, cooking, receiving guests. Traditionally, in our family, women did not study at universities and institutes. I have two sisters, they are married, they live normally, they have their own families. They finished school. After school they were brought up in our tradition. They are married to very respected people, they live normally. We have the first duty of a boy to be the son of his people, relatives, relatives, fellow villagers, always live peacefully with all the locals, always be the defender of his people.

A. NASIBOV - When your son was born, what gifts did he receive, what gifts did you receive, what were the most expensive gifts?

R. KADYROV - The most precious gifts for me are congratulations from my friends. And I don’t consider the rest gifts, they just pay attention to me. For me, the most important thing is that they say that he should be like his grandfather and grow up like that, this is the biggest gift for me.

A. NASIBOV - Do guests often come to your house?

R. KADYROV - It's not life without guests!

A. NASIBOV - Your wife is now raising five children, probably still has to help cook, set the table. Is she doing it alone, or is someone helping her?

R. KADYROV - They help too. But when guests arrive, friends, she must set the table, because this is traditional, this is a manifestation of respect for the guests, she must do this, and she does this and will do it to the end.

A. NASIBOV - Serey asks the question on the air pager: “Is it true that schools for raising children existed in Chechnya for a long time?” As far as I understand, not just any educational schools, but schools for raising children.

R. KADYROV - I have never heard of it. The upbringing is done by the father and mother, grandfather, grandmother, uncle - and that's it. We have regular schools.

A. NASIBOV - You said that there are some rules for the behavior of children in the family, you named them, that sons never sit down in the presence of their father, in the presence of their parents, what other rules exist, in your family in particular?

R. KADYROV - If you list the rules, it's long. For me, the most important thing is: first the Almighty, then there was the father. I did everything to please my father, so that he would say that Ramzan is a good boy. For me, the greatest happiness was to please my father and do everything he taught me. He taught me to help do good, to learn, to always work for the good of the people. This is what I did. We had a special relationship. He forgave me a lot. We lived in the yard, I never showed him that I was more than he slept, I always got up earlier than him, went to bed later so that he would not see that I was sleeping. When I got married, we still had a rule - not to show your father for a month, until he sees you by chance. My mother and I had a separate relationship. Everything that I wanted to tell my father, I conveyed through my mother. It's like a translator.

A. NASIBOV - Were you afraid, or is it just accepted?

R. KADYROV - I was not afraid, it was respect. Our mother has always been a negotiator. When it happened, her father scolded her, and that's it, but we were far from that.

A. NASIBOV - Did your father ever get angry with you?

R. KADYROV - Always. I don't remember when he didn't scold me. He always scolded and raised me.

A. NASIBOV - And why did you scold?

R. KADYROV - No way, just saying how to do it. Strictly brought up. He not only me, he scolded everyone: relatives, nephews, cousins ​​- he always brought up strictly.

A. NASIBOV - But at least sometimes he praised?

R. KADYROV - I don't remember, he never praised me to my face. It would be a great happiness for me if he praised me at least once and told me. He told friends, comrades (they passed on), he respected me most of all and appreciated my actions. But he never showed it to me, we never had it, he never told me to my face.

A. NASIBOV - Let me remind you that the Ekho Moskvy radio station is operating. We continue the Young Father's School program, talking on the phone with Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of the Chechen government. I remind you of the on-air pager number for listeners 725-66-33. And I will move on to the questions received before our broadcast on the Internet. Let me remind you that we are limited to the topic of raising children, in this case, the topic of raising children in the Chechen way. And here are a few questions received before the broadcast on the Internet. Patimat from Moscow asks: “Why do Chechen girls who have been living in Moscow for a long time have to marry only Chechens, while Chechens can marry Russians?” How do you think?

R. KADYROV - This is our tradition. We have history. We have never had a Chechen woman marry another. Not accepted by us. We accepted Sharia, we accepted Islam. This is part of our traditions, customs, so we converted to Islam. Although Chechen women marry Arabs - I am against this, in our village there are many Russian women who have married men. We have many of these.

A. NASIBOV - And your daughters will only marry Chechens, right?

R. KADYROV - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - And if, at the call of their hearts, they suddenly meet a young man of some other nationality, what will you do?

R. KADYROV - This will never happen in our family.

A. NASIBOV - I understand. Irina Ilyina asks how one should behave according to the Nokhchi code, what are these rules of conduct?

R. KADYROV - Nokhchi means everything. All I have that I can be proud of is that I am a Chechen. This courage, to be faithful, honest, decent, to help the needy, the poor, to always seek peace - all this is included in the word "Nokhchi".

A. NASIBOV - Alexei Olenik from Moscow asks how religious education is organized in Chechen families, and if a child at an early age begins to show religious intolerance, does the father react in any way?

R. KADYROV - First of all, the father and mother must explain to the child that he is a Muslim. There is no god but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet. They must know. And also tolerance, that's for sure. The Chechens do not have a single person who did not believe. Everyone has it, only the Chechens don't. Chechens are all Muslims.

A. NASIBOV - Excuse me, I misheard, did you say that everyone has something?

R. KADYROV - All believers have people who have changed their faith.

A. NASIBOV - What about people who have switched from one faith to another? It's clear.

R. KADYROV - And the Chechens don't have that.

A. NASIBOV - Did you give your wife anything for the birth of your son?

R. KADYROV - I gave the gift that I like the most.

A. NASIBOV - Which one?

R. KADYROV - Love!

A. NASIBOV - Well, the most worthy gift! Tell me, for the sons in your family, what were the most the best gifts? I would like to ask, at what age did you yourself begin to handle weapons, when they gave you the first time to see what a real military weapon is?

R. KADYROV - Since the age of 15 I have been carrying weapons ...

A. NASIBOV - The call failed. We'll try to reconnect now. Let me remind you that the guest of the Young Father School is Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of the Chechen government. We are talking on the phone and now we will try to restore the telephone connection again. In the meantime, let's listen to some music.

A. NASIBOV - We have restored telephone contact with Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of the Chechen government. We continue our conversation. Why did I ask a question about weapons. I have a rifle hanging on the wall at home - this is my father's war trophy from the time of the Great Patriotic War, my father brought a German Mauser rifle from the war, and as a child I stroked this rifle, took it apart, cleaned it, looked at it, pulled out the bolt, applied it, it was just interesting to me.

R. KADYROV - The Chechens always have weapons, always have been and always will be. We always, as I remember, my father always had a weapon. From the age of 14-15 I already carried a pistol. Since I have been with my father: either I was a driver, then I was a security guard, then I was an assistant - and I always have a weapon with me. Although I wish my sons, nephews, my people that we live without weapons. We are striving for this and will do everything to remove weapons from the Chechen Republic, to exchange them for a pen, a ball and something else. Because the trouble of the Chechen people is that they are warlike people. Enough, we are tired of fighting, let others fight, although I do not want anyone to fight. I wish to live peacefully. We want the world to become the main thing for the Chechens.

A. NASIBOV - Another question from Irina Ilyina, received via the Internet before the program: “What is the difference between raising children in Beno teip and other Chechen clans? How do you feel about the popularity of Chechen boys among Russian girls, what is the reason for this?

R. KADYROV - With regard to this, our upbringing is absolutely the same, it is no different. Our upbringing is Chechen. I didn't understand the second question.

A. NASIBOV - The second question: how do you feel about the popularity of Chechen boys among Russian girls? What caused it?

R. KADYROV - Fine. How else? I welcome.

A. NASIBOV - That's good. Question received from Alexander from France: “Do you think that legal and illegal gang groups in Chechnya are educating the new generation in toughness or cruelty?” How hardened is the new young generation now in Chechnya? (I'll rephrase the question.)

R. KADYROV - We have no illegal, no legal ones, we have a single leadership team and people in the republic - that's all. We educate as we were taught by our ancestors. If we have a current of Wahhabism, we will destroy them and we will destroy them. Those who do not want to live peacefully on the territory of the Chechen Republic have no place. If he comes, he will voluntarily lay down his arms and it will be, as our ancestors taught, when there was no law: the old people gathered, passed a verdict, we lived by this verdict for a year until the old people gathered again. We will live the same way. We have the most beautiful good traditions, customs, and we will live by these customs. We have nothing illegal in Chechnya. It was all, but I want it not to happen again. We will live peacefully. We don't have!

A. NASIBOV - Are you a master of sports in boxing?

R. KADYROV - Yes. There is such.

A. NASIBOV - What role does sport play in the upbringing of children in your family and in the upbringing of the future generation of Chechen children?

R. KADYROV - We, Chechen men, show our character by sport. We have more opportunities to show character. And we have more success. We have the best boxers. This is not a secret, there are certain points that we must cross out, this will definitely happen. We have the best athletes. Our people are the most beautiful and strongest. Our athletes, I think, will do everything so that in 5 years Russia will be represented entirely by Chechens.

A. NASIBOV - Everything?

R. KADYROV - Yes, in all sports. We will support the sport, because it suits us the most, we show character. The Chechen people are strong and courageous.

A. NASIBOV - Do you continue to play sports yourself? Do you have a barbell at home, do you swing?

R. KADYROV - Yes, we have a gym in our house. But more I play football now. Running is helpful.

A. NASIBOV - Tell me, do your girls go to school now? The eldest is 8 years old. Is this the most ordinary school in the village of Tsentoroi?

R. KADYROV - This is the most ordinary school, we have completely overhauled it, we have a large gymnasium at our school, and there is a swimming pool, there is a computer class. I brought teachers from Krasnodar, Rostov. We have a school named after Akhmad Kadyrov, who renamed it by his presidential decree. And we have the most best school throughout Russia, in the village of Tsentoroy.

A. NASIBOV - And where are the teachers from?

R. KADYROV - Our teachers are Russians from Rostov and Krasnodar. We also teach English. I even want to introduce French next year. We have computer classes. We have, I can even say, a special school in the village. Here, I will also say, everyone wears the same uniform so that they do not dress differently. We have a school uniform. Boys - in suits, ties, girls wear aprons, as expected. We have the same uniform at school.

A. NASIBOV - Do boys and girls study together?

R. KADYROV - Yes, they study together.

A. NASIBOV - Aykhat, as far as I understand, is 8 years old?

R. KADYROV - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - What class does she go to?

R. KADYROV - She is already in the 3rd.

A. NASIBOV - What are the successes?

R. KADYROV - She is an excellent student at school. While they praise her there. She has a good memory, remembers. True, I don’t go there, my wife says that everyone says that she is a good student.

A. NASIBOV - Did you yourself ever check the diary for her?

R. KADYROV - A diary is rare. So I check, she shows her grades. I rarely go home, when I have time, she shows. And for that I commend her. She already says that my father will come and say that Aykhat is doing well. This is happiness for her.

A. NASIBOV - How much time do you manage to spend with your children?

R. KADYROV - I spend my free time with my family.

A. NASIBOV - How much is free time: a day a week, a day a month? How much it?

R. KADYROV - It happens in different ways. I don't want to lie now. After the death of my father, I always try to come to the village in my free time, spend time with my family, with my nephews, with everyone.

A. NASIBOV - Let me remind you that Ramzan Kadyrov, the first vice-premier of the government of Chechnya, answers the questions of the Echo of Moscow program "School of a Young Father", our conversation is on the phone. Karim asks the question: “Do you smoke? And how do you feel about smoking among young people? I'll add more, what is the attitude in Chechnya to the distribution of drugs?

R. KADYROV - I have never smoked, never drank, never will. I don't have a single friend who smokes and drinks. When I was at school, we had the most exemplary class at school. Nobody smoked or drank. In our village, young guys do not smoke or drink. We don't even sell vodka. I always set a condition: train, play sports, send to study. In our village, young guys growing up do not smoke. And I do not advise.

A. NASIBOV - You patronize the Terek football club. How do you feel about football, how do your loved ones feel? Why Terek, why not some other club or some other sport?

R. KADYROV - I am both the president of the club of the Chechen Republic Boxing Federation and the president of the Terek club, because this team has existed for a long time, thanks to the Minister of Sports Alkhanov. As president of the club, I will say that football is our national sport, because our football shows the world that we are ordinary people, that we are not bandits, not terrorists, this is also a political issue, so I support and will continue to support our football, although we are under pressure in the football league, but we will prove that thanks to the Chechen character we we will always be the first.

A. NASIBOV - Alexander from Yekaterinburg sent the following question: "Is it true that Chechens never beat their wives?"

R. KADYROV - True, of course. And what kind of man am I if I hit a woman? You need to educate your wife, not beat her. We have very good customs, traditions, I have never beaten my wife.

A. NASIBOV - And what does it mean to "educate a wife"?

R. KADYROV - Explain how she should behave, that's all. If you don't understand, you need to get divorced. But I do not welcome it, I do not recognize it.

A. NASIBOV - Zinaida Prokofievna sent the following message: she wishes you good health, firstly; secondly, he asks: “If you had a girl again, would you continue to seek a boy, or not?”

R. KADYROV - I have a son. The main thing is that Allah will give. The main thing is that the child is healthy, this is the most important thing.

A. NASIBOV - A man with an interesting name Pusya is interested in: “Do you like animals, especially cats?”

R. KADYROV - I don't like cats. I have a tiger, a lion, wolves, dogs. Animal nerves soothe. I love animals, of course. Unfortunately no cats. But it will. Tomorrow I will find a good cat.

A. NASIBOV - You said you have a tiger, you have a lion. Who else?

R. KADYROV - I have a wolf, I have a bear.

A. NASIBOV - Where do you keep them?

R. KADYROV - In the village of Tsentoroy.

A. NASIBOV - Is there such a zoo there?

R. KADYROV - No, not a zoo. I keep at home. When the zoo is opened in Grozny, I will transfer them all there.

A. NASIBOV - Did they give you a lion, a tiger, or did you find them somewhere, bought them?

R. KADYROV - They gave it to me. The lion was given to me by my friend from Shali, and the tiger was given to me by my named uncle Gamzatov from Khasavyurt. And the wolf was presented by my regiment commander.

A. NASIBOV - I wonder how they brought the tiger and lion?

R. KADYROV - They specially filled out the documents, put me in a car and brought me. And I have a small tiger. 5 - 6 months for a tiger, and a lion for 4 months. They run, do not bite, play with children.

A. NASIBOV - Do you allow children to visit these animals?

R. KADYROV - Yes, they play with them. They love children, they don't touch children. These animals are very smart. When they are offended, they are evil, but they love people.

A. NASIBOV - Tell me, are your children restricted in their movements? I understand that when it comes to 8 year olds, 5 year olds...

R. KADYROV - Absolutely. My children play, they go to the neighbors, as usual. They visit their relatives...

A. NASIBOV - That is, they calmly walk around the village, right?

R. KADYROV - Absolutely calm. I declare to you, Tsentoroi is the center of the world!

A. NASIBOV - Well, are you ready to listen to one or two phone calls?

R. KADYROV - Let's go.

A. NASIBOV - Let me remind you, the phone number of the on-air studio is 783-90-25. Try calling the Ekho Moskvy studio now. Let me remind you that we are talking with Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of the Chechen government. The topic of our conversation is "education in the Chechen way." I appeal to listeners with a request to limit their questions to this particular topic and speak more concisely. Do we have our first call? Eat. We listen to you. Some interference on the line. Let's try to take another call, because it's impossible, we can't hear anything. Still have a call? 783-90-25.

LISTENER - Hello. My name is Andrew. I have a question. How is the hierarchy regulated in Chechnya? I know that there are people who transfer the right to raise a child only to the grandmother, and there are those who give it to the parents. So, how is this settled? What should a grandmother do, and what should parents do in raising a child?

A. NASIBOV - That is, the relationship between parents and grandmother in raising a child?

LISTENER - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - Ramzan Akhmadovich, did you hear the question? Do grandmothers play a role in raising children in Chechnya?

R. KADYROV - Of course they do. The grandmother brings up more, because she does nothing. It was my grandmother who raised me and is raising my children, because she knows more than anyone else. My grandmother is 84 years old. She is completely healthy and walks. It happens when at her age people lose their minds, but she is very smart, and she brings up not only my children. She has grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and she educates them all. Our wisest grandparents. My grandfather is a very respected person. It is a great happiness for me that my grandfather and grandmother are raising my children. They raised me.

A. NASIBOV - How old is your grandfather?

R. KADYROV - 86.

A. NASIBOV - How many grandchildren do your grandparents have?

R. KADYROV - We have dozens! They tell me, they say 50 - 60.

A. NASIBOV - Already 50 - 60?! Let me remind you, the direct phone number to the Ekho Moskvy studio is 783-90-25. Let's try to take another phone call. Good night. Hello. You are very hard to hear. Can not hear. Let's try another phone call. 783-09-25. Good night. You are on the air.

LISTENER - Good night.

A. NASIBOV - What is your name? Where are you from?

LISTENER - My name is Olga Konstantinovna. I am from Moscow. I am very glad to welcome Ramzan Akhmadovich on the air. I consider him my countryman, because in my youth I worked for 7 years in the Caucasus in Dagestan, and my relatives lived in Grozny. I, a young girl of 19-20 years old, walked the streets of Grozny quite freely. Then I still felt the system of raising children and teenagers, which is very strong, based on religious traditions. I myself am a Christian. But it was there, in the Caucasus, in Dagestan, in Grozny, in Chechnya, that I noticed this enclosing power of faith and therefore I thank the Muslim people, although I was born in Christianity and believe in Christ, my faith was conceived precisely from the examples of education in Chechen and Dagestan families.

A. NASIBOV - Thank you Olga Konstantinovna, but maybe you have a question for Ramzan Akhmadovich? They hung up. We again lost contact with Ramzan Kadyrov, the first vice-premier of the Chechen government. We will try to restore again. I ask the director Nikolai Kotov to restore the connection, dial the phone number, and for now we will listen to some music.

A. NASIBOV - We have established a telephone connection with Ramzan Kadyrov. We continue our conversation. Here some questions came to the on-air pager, in particular. Alexey Alekseevich asks such a question, what do you do if a woman is cheating? Is there a concept of treason in Chechen families?

R. KADYROV - I don't even want to touch on this topic. This is even an insulting question. I do not want to answer.

A. NASIBOV - That's it, we remove the question. "What do your kids think about the rock festival that was recently organized?" - Edik asks a question. Did you take your children to this rock festival that was recently?

R. KADYROV – Not only my children were there, the whole village of Tsentoroi was there: nephews, cousins, everyone was there, and my children were too. They rejoiced, welcomed, even said that more such events were needed.

A. NASIBOV - By your order, gambling halls in Grozny and other cities, in Gudermes, etc. were closed.

R. KADYROV - Completely in the republic.

A. NASIBOV - Who was more fond of the game: young people or people of age?

R. KADYROV – Precisely, aged people, elderly people, middle-aged people. The gambling business brought to the point that there were a lot of applications. There was even blood feud. It happened that they received compensation and repaid the debt in full. Father, mother are sick, there is some other problem, and their son played with this money. I simply invited all entrepreneurs and said that let's come up with another business, we will open computer classes, we will teach children there, and the parents themselves will pay you money, and you will receive it. They absolutely agreed. I explained to them if your son was in debt and would sell a car or an apartment, if people came to you and asked you to pay for your son, as you look at it. And they understood. I didn't make a decree, an order, I just said that we should close it. People even thanked, prayed, cried. A whole delegation of women thanked us for shutting down this gambling business. And as long as we exist, it will never be, because if it were my will, I am sure that the majority of Russian citizens support me, I would completely close the gambling business in Russia. I advise the leadership of Russia and the parliament (State Duma) to pass a law on the closure of the gambling business, because in Russia most of the crimes are due to this gambling business.

A. NASIBOV - Chechnya has the highest unemployment rate in general among all Russian regions. As far as I remember, there are about 340,000 unemployed there, which is about 60% of the able-bodied population. Right, what are the numbers?

R. KADYROV - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - How to keep young people busy, how to give them the opportunity to earn a normal income and live a normal life so that it doesn't go awry?

R. KADYROV - Yes, indeed, they used to say that our first issue was security, but now our first issue is unemployment. People all say that. We have this problem, we are doing everything to ensure that we do not have unemployment in the republic. I think that in 2006 we will fully engage in the restoration work of the city. We have those who invest in business, there will also be jobs where young people will be employed. We do everything, although it does not work right away. I think that in two years we will have better indicators in Russia, not that we will not have unemployment at all, but we will have enough jobs. Why are we like this? Because everything is destroyed here, the entire infrastructure is destroyed in the Chechen Republic. We are restoring slowly, usually we are restoring from scratch and will continue to restore. The President of the country, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, is helping us with this. It will be even better for us than in other regions, because our people are hardworking, and they will do everything to restore what was destroyed.

A. NASIBOV - I understand. Shall we hear another phone call? 783-90-25 is the phone number of the live broadcast in the Ekho Moskvy studio. Ask questions to Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of Chechnya. We listen to you.

LISTENER - Good evening. How did it happen that the noble Chechen broke Kristina Orbakaite's nose?

A. NASIBOV - In my opinion, the question is not the topic. We are talking about raising children. Let's try another phone call. 783-90-25 - live phone. We listen to you.

LISTENER - Good night.

A. NASIBOV - Good night. What is your name? Where are you from?

LISTENER - My name is Alexei, I'm calling from Moscow. I would like to ask the distinguished Mr. Deputy Prime Minister about what kind of assistance is actually provided, if any, by the international community? In particular, I am interested in the United Nations and its programs.

A. NASIBOV - Do you mean Chechen children or whom?

LISTENER - Children, including. Of course, I am also interested in other areas.

A. NASIBOV - In other words, what kind of assistance is provided to Chechnya by international programs, including through the UN? Did I understand you correctly?

LISTENER - Yes.

A. NASIBOV - Let's address this question to our interlocutor. Did you hear the question?

R. KADYROV - I didn't hear the question.

A. NASIBOV - The question is what kind of assistance do international organizations, in particular the UNO (United Nations) provide to Chechnya, in particular to Chechen children?

R. KADYROV - I won't say that they help children a lot, we don't have anything like that. But there are certain moments when they supposedly help. I think that these organizations are more concerned with personal interests than with Chechen youth. We don't have that to show that they help.

A. NASIBOV - Perhaps my last question for today. Your son came to your home in the village of Tsentoroi yesterday for the first time. How will you celebrate now, what will you do now?

R. KADYROV - My son went to my grandfather's house for the first time.

A. NASIBOV - Who brought it? wife or you?

R. KADYROV - My sister. And he was there for an hour and a half. Now he is in his room. How we celebrate the birth of a son is determined by friends. I will ask and I will answer you tomorrow. I am unable to answer this question today.

A. NASIBOV - You will set the table, understand?

R. KADYROV - I am unable to answer you, because friends decide.

A. NASIBOV - How many friends are expected for the celebration?

R. KADYROV - In Chechnya, I have friends all over Chechnya, and all Chechens and non-Chechens who live on Russian territory - all friends, except for Wahhabis. My only enemies are Wahhabis and international terrorists. I call them devils. The rest are all my friends and comrades. I invite everyone to visit!

A. NASIBOV - I would like to thank Ramzan Kadyrov, First Deputy Prime Minister of the Chechen government, for talking on the phone as part of the Young Father's School program aired on the Ekho Moskvy radio station. I thank you for the story on the topic of education in Chechen. Sorry, dear listeners, if we could not ask all the questions from you. Thank you very much, Ramzan Akhmadovich.

R. KADYROV – Thank you very much, too.

Chechens raise their children in the same way as their ancestors 100-200 years ago, according to the republic. A childless family is compared here to a tree without branches and fruits. Therefore, the birth of a child, and especially a boy, imposes on parents a serious responsibility, which is considered the main business of all life.

In Chechnya, one parable is very popular: a young mother went to an old man to ask him when to start raising a child. The elder asked how old the baby was. She replied: one month. The elder, without thinking, said that she was exactly a month late with her upbringing. The most important thing that children are taught according to Chechen traditions is respect for elders. The name of the father is an indisputable authority that acts on the child in a magical way.

Each of the children is a project, the implementation of which depends entirely on the organizers - the father and mother. In the end, a person, raising and spending money on the education of children, invests both his strength and finances in them in order to ensure his old age, remaining respected in society both during life and after death. Older people often say that there is nothing more pleasant in old age than hearing from strangers about the merits of their children and how respected they have become.

Despite the fact that the modern world leaves its mark on traditions, on the family way of life, on the upbringing of children, in Chechnya they managed to preserve one of the most important traditions - having many children. Asking a 30-year-old Chechen who doesn't have a steady job or stable income why he has so many children is like wondering if he needs his brothers and sisters. Until now, when a child is born, in the first congratulations to parents, everyone wishes that the child who was born had seven brothers. And it doesn't matter if it's the third child or the fifth. A family with seven brothers is a very serious argument worthy of respect in Chechen society.

Expert opinion

historian, lecturer at CSU, SmartNews

- The main educator of children in a Chechen family is a mother. If in an ideal Chechen family a boy learns from the example of his father, carried away by his authority, then his mother is practically the first teacher. A woman can turn to her husband for help only in extreme cases, when the child is out of hand. “I will tell my father everything when he returns” - such statements act on children like shock therapy. Even if the father never raised a hand against the children.

I never sat down in front of my father, never talked. When asked, I answered. I tried not to go into the room where my parents were together. Until the last years, my father and I never communicated in the presence of my grandfather. I don't remember my father praising me. It's the same in our family. In the presence of my father, I never spoke to my wife and children. We were brought up that way. And these traditions will continue.

In fact, according to traditional adats, Chechens will never praise their children in public. Almost any Chechen father will remain silent if his son tells him about successes. The father and son communicated through the mother, keeping a distance. But the core of the son's upbringing was the father, who should be imitated and strive for his ideal.

My father has always been the most important thing for me after the Almighty. I did everything to please my father, so that he would say that Ramzan is a good boy. He taught me to do good, to learn, to always work for the good of the people. This is what I did. We had a special relationship. He forgave me a lot. But I, for one, never showed him that I was more than he slept. I always got up earlier, went to bed later so that he would not see that I was sleeping. We still have such a rule - do not show your father for a month until he sees you by chance.

My mother and I had a separate relationship. Everything that I wanted to tell my father, I conveyed through my mother. She is like a translator.

The punishment of the mother was considered not so shameful, especially since it was usually carried out only during the first years of life. At the same time, the word of grandmother has always had great authority for a boy, especially a teenager.

Grandmothers play a colossal role in raising children in Chechnya. It was my grandmother who raised me and is raising my children, because she knows much more than anyone else. We have the wisest grandparents. And my grandfather is a very respected person. It is a great happiness for me that my grandfather and grandmother are raising my children.

Expert opinion

child psychologist, SmartNews

- Grandparents play a special role in the upbringing of Chechen children. The writer Musa Beksultanov has a story where an old man takes his grandson with him to hunt. This was a long-awaited trip for the boy. Grandfather allowed him to take a rifle and shoot at the animal. At the last moment, when the game was at gunpoint, the boy did not shoot, and the frightened roe deer ran away. The boy felt ashamed of his weakness and began to cry. Grandfather, on the contrary, praised him for his humanity. "Well done, a good person will grow out of you!" said the old man.

For all their brutality, the Chechens have always valued humanity and mercy, taught children to it. For the boy from the story, such a grandfather’s reaction to the seemingly weakness that he showed, in fact, will have a very strong effect in the future. He will understand that a strong person will not offend a weak one. For children at this age, this is a big change.

Even pre-revolutionary historians showed interest in the Chechen traditions of raising boys. To their question why parents do not beat their children, fathers and mothers answered: “We want them to grow up as people.” And the famous Russian Caucasian scholar Adolf Berger claimed that Chechens never beat their sons, because they are afraid that they will grow up to be cowards. The son is not beaten or scolded so that he does not know the feeling of fear.

Chechen historians refer to psychologists who claim that a person who has gone through fear can become a great oppressor. In the worst case, the Chechens believed, such a person could have his soul taken away. They say that if a Chechen is afraid of something, he should only be afraid of shame or losing face. As the Vainakh proverb says, a horse that was beaten with a whip will not become a real horse.

The upbringing of children began at a fairly early age. This does not mean that they were forced to do some laborious work. On the contrary, up to a certain age, children were forbidden to lift weights. Chechens never beat their sons. Today, this principle is not particularly reverently observed. Sometimes parents are forced to flog their negligent offspring with a belt, as if eliminating their own shortcomings made in the process of education. Sometimes such a spanking is beneficial. The policy of carrots and sticks as a contrasting approach also justifies itself, depending on the degree of understanding of a teenager. On the whole, upbringing implies, first of all, edification and censure, rather than corporal punishment.

The Chechens and Ingush never abandoned children. A lost child could be taken under their care by complete strangers. Proof of this is a case that occurred a few years ago in Ingushetia. In the village of Achaluki, relatives found a Chechen boy who disappeared 16 years ago. Somehow, from the Chechen city of Argun, he ended up on the border with Ingushetia. Having discovered the child, a local resident, who worked at that time in the Ingush police, took him to him. Since that time, Murad Soltanmuradov has been living in two families.

The study of family rituals, including rituals associated with the birth and upbringing of children, is impossible without studying the family. At a certain stage in the development of society, a large patriarchal family was characteristic of all peoples. Its existence among many peoples of the Caucasus is noted in the literature of pre-revolutionary Russian ethnography. Large families of Kumyks, Balkars, Armenians, Georgians, Ingush and other peoples of the Caucasus have been studied.

The Chechen family was called “dozal”, and the family community had several names that, one way or another, denoted a kindred unity: “tskhana ts1iyna dozal” - people of the same blood, “tskhana ts1erakh dozal” - people of the same fire, “kastaza dozal” - undivided family, “kastaza vezhary” - brothers who were not divided (the last two types are an example of a later origin).

Owner and mistress of the house

The head of the Chechen family was the father - “ts1iyna yes”, which literally means “master of the house” (“ts1a” - house, “da” - father). The unity of the family was preserved even after the death of the father, in which case the elder brother became its head. He enjoyed the same authority and respect in the family as his father. But, at the same time, the elder brother could no longer solve a single issue, both economic and social life of the family, without the knowledge and consent of the other brothers.

The female part was led by the wife of the owner of the house or his mother. She played a leading role in organizing the life and work of women in a large family. The scope of this "senior" was domestic - in the narrow sense of the word - or "women's" economy. She was called "ts1ennana" ("ts1a" - house, "nana" - mother), and another term was also used: "ts1eranana", "ts1e" - fire, "nana" - mother.

IN large families, as in small ones, among Chechens, heads of families never interfered in the economic affairs of women, and if a man paid attention to this and devoted time to this, it was considered indecent and even offensive to him.

The daughters-in-law were required to show full respect to the tsennana, especially the younger daughter-in-law. The latter had to go to bed later than everyone else, although she got up earlier than everyone else and cleaned the house. Despite the fact that several women lived in the house, as a rule, there was no disagreement between them and there were no quarrels, since the woman did not have the right to violate the traditions that dominated the family. Those who did not adhere to these rules were punished up to exile, which was a great shame for women.

In the families of Chechens, the name of the mother-in-law was tabooed, which remains with the Chechens to this day. The daughter-in-law did not call (and does not call) her mother-in-law otherwise than “nana”, “mother”, and in her presence she cannot allow free conversations, frivolous jokes, etc. In addition, the son's wife should not appear before her mother-in-law without a scarf, untidy. Nana in the family took care of, educated, controlled the behavior and actions of daughters-in-law and daughters.

Ts1ennana hosted Active participation in raising a child, took the women of her house to funerals, commemorations, etc. Tsennana's first assistant, to whom she could entrust some of her duties, was the wife of her eldest son. Tsennana played an important role in the ritual life of the family, being a kind of keeper of the family, ancestral fire, which was considered sacred in Chechen families (however, like other peoples of the Caucasus).

The cult of fire and hearth in the Chechen family

Let's talk about the cult of fire and the hearth in large and small families of Chechens. As you know, the hearth among many peoples of the world was the center of the house, uniting and linking family members into a single whole (recall the ancient Chechen name for a large family - “people of the same fire”). At the hearth, usually located in the center of the house, after dinner, the whole family gathered, and here all economic and vital issues were discussed. The fire in the hearth, maintained by the female hostess, was passed from father to children, and there were cases when it was kept in the family for even several generations and was not allowed to go out.

The cauldrons, the hearth, and especially the hearth chain on which the cauldron hung, were revered by the Chechens. Up to the present time, the Chechens retain not only the oath by fire, but also the old curses: “k1ur boyla khan”, which literally means “so that the smoke disappears from you”; “ts1e yoyla khan” (“so that the fire disappears from you”). Later, perhaps with the approval of patriarchal principles in the tribal structure, other social norms and corresponding terms were developed: “ts1a” - house; "ts1iina nana" - the mistress of the house; "ts1iyna yes" - the owner of the house. All this suggests that once in Chechen society the first place - as the mistress of the hearth - belonged to a woman. It is also noteworthy that with the approval of the patriarchal principles, the “residence” of the head of the family, his honorable and sacred place, moved to the fire and the hearth, although he could not completely push the woman away from the hearth, defining for her purely utilitarian functions - to cook food and keep the house in cleanliness and order. Nevertheless, the place of the head of the house at the hearth, as it were, sanctified his power, gave him the right to a leading position in the family.

All this makes us see in the eldest woman in the Chechen family not just the mistress of the house, but a kind of family priestess in the past, who played an important role in the ritual life of the family. So, with the consent of the owner of the house, she gave a name to the newborn and no one dared to protest him and offer the child a different name (in many cases, the paternal grandmother still gives the name to the child).

Speaking about the power of the female head of the house, one can notice that it extended to the entire female half of the family, but at the same time, in its nature, it did not differ much from the power of the head, although the functions of a woman were limited to the scope of housekeeping and family rituals. She participated in the labor process, but the scope of her work, compared with the terms of reference of other women in a large family, was insignificant. In some cases, she delegated her functions to the eldest daughter, and the daughters-in-law could not do anything on their own, even if it concerned the performance of their daily household and household duties.

The dominant type at the end of the 19th - beginning of the 20th century among the Chechens, as noted, was a small individual family, which was one of the structural elements of a kindred group, with which it was connected by numerous ties. It seems that family and everyday traditions (customs, rituals, holidays) largely contributed to the preservation of these ties, which were aimed at preserving family and group orders and the cultural and ideological community of the Chechen population.

Small families, which, as noted, were the predominant or main types, also had several forms among the Chechens. Some small families consisted of parents and their unmarried sons and unmarried daughters, others included, in addition to parents and children, the husband's parents, his unmarried brothers and unmarried sisters. In ethnographic literature, the term “simple small family” is used for the first form of the family, and “complex small family” for the second. Both types are small nuclear families of Chechens, in which the numerical composition was naturally different. According to the 1886 census, the size of small families ranged from 2-4 to 7-8, and sometimes up to 10-12 or more people. It is noteworthy that in many lists of the family census, the residence of nephews and nieces in the family of their uncles, as well as the joint residence of cousins, etc. was noted. And this is an indicator that in the time we are considering, older relatives accepted orphans and close relatives into their families, there were cases when orphaned children and distant relatives were accepted into families, when they did not have closer relatives ready to accept orphans.

As can be seen from the data of the family lists of 1886, among the Chechens in the time we are studying, the main form of the family was a small two-generation family, consisting of parents and their children. At the end of the 19th century, despite the desire of the peasants to preserve large families, they continued to disintegrate. The development of capitalism undermined the patriarchal foundations. As a result of the penetration of private property tendencies into families, sections began to become more frequent and complete. They prepared for the division of a large family in advance: they built or bought residential and utility premises, prepared estates. Sons were separated after the birth of the first child. In most cases, parents left their youngest son with them. However, if desired, they could leave any son. After the division, the brothers strove to maintain their former unity, continued to take part in the household chores of the family, etc.

The isolated small family acted as a separate economic unit. It also focused on the organization of labor. Women were busy with housework, raising children, and so on. The participation of a woman in agricultural work, if necessary, did not relieve her of her main duties. Men almost never took part in "women's work", because, according to established tradition, this was considered shameful.

While maintaining the natural character of the economy, the items necessary for the household and everyday life were made by the family - mainly by women. The position of the woman corresponded to that important place which she held in public place and in the working life of the family.

Chechen woman

In the past, the Chechen woman enjoyed incomparably more freedom than the neighboring Caucasian peoples. Girls and even married women did not hide or cover their faces in the presence of men. Chechens, brought up in the spirit of strict morality, have always been distinguished by a restrained attitude towards women. The mutual relations of young people and girls were based on mutual respect and strict mountain morality. To beat or kill one's wife was considered the greatest disgrace; society stigmatized such a man; in addition, for the murder of a woman (wife), the perpetrator was subjected to the revenge of her relatives. Any revenge, punishment, murder could not take place in the presence of a woman, moreover, by throwing a scarf from her head, she could stop any blood revenge. The persecuted bloodline remained unharmed if he hid in the female half of the house of any family from the family of the bloodline. According to the adats of the Chechens, a man was not supposed to overtake a woman on horseback, but had to dismount and lead the horse by the bridle; when passing by an elderly woman, men had to stand up as a sign of respect for her, and men also had no right to fight in the presence of a woman. In one of the archival documents of the Yermolov Foundation, it was noted: “... women are given due respect: in their presence no one will be offended, and even the one persecuted by a vengeful sword will find his salvation by resorting to a woman, then his life will remain safe.” Adats also preserved the honor of a married woman. This is understandable, since the one who insulted his wife insulted her husband, and this led to blood feud.

According to the adats of the Chechens, a woman never completely left the care of her relatives and her husband had no right to her life. The researcher of customary law of the peoples of the Caucasus F.I. Leontovich writes: “In no case can a husband sell his wife or take his life, even if he proves infidelity ... This is also typical for Chechens.” If the wife violated marital fidelity, the husband drove her out of the house, announcing the reason for the divorce to her parents and relatives, demanded the return of the kalym. If we compare this custom with the adats of other highlanders and, in particular, with the customs of the Kumyks, whose husband can kill his wife for infidelity and, in the case of complete evidence, is released from blood feud, then we can conclude that the Chechen adats are humane towards women.

The habits of "avoidance" among the Chechens

In the Chechen family, there were a number of prohibitions, the so-called customs of "avoidance": between husband and wife, between the daughter-in-law and the husband's relatives, between the son-in-law and the wife's relatives, between parents and children, etc. These prohibitions are remnants of archaic forms of sex relations before marriage. For example, among the Chechens, the groom during the entire period (wedding) remained with his friend or relative. Before the wedding (religious decoration - “max bar”) he did not visit the bride (usually this happened on the 4th day), he was not shown to the guests. After the marriage, for some time, the bride was visited “secretly”. The bride among the Chechens for a certain time could not talk with her husband's parents and relatives, his friends. Compliance with the ban was the stricter, the closer in degree of kinship and older in age these people were. It happened that the bride did not talk to her father-in-law until old age (this was very rare). This ban did not last long, since in the conditions of joint farming there was a need for communication. The daughter-in-law was gradually approached by the husband's relatives with a request to speak to them, while the persons lifting the ban presented gifts. This custom is known as "mott bastar" (untying the tongue).

The son-in-law had to behave with restraint, politeness with his wife's relatives, try to yield to them in everything. It was considered indecent if he was often in the company of his wife, and among the Ingush he (son-in-law) almost never had to see his wife's parents. The couple did not call each other by their first names. The husband did not enter the room where his wife and children were, in the presence of the elders he did not take his child in his arms and did not caress him.

The Chechens, however, like other peoples of the North Caucasus, had a fairly strict division of labor between women and men. It should be noted that Chechen women never drove oxen on a cart, did not mow hay, and men did not do housework: they did not milk cows, did not clean rooms, etc.

Speaking about the gender and age division of labor among the Chechens, we also note that duties were also divided by age. The most responsible work (sowing, plowing ...) was performed by experienced, older members of the family, and other work that did not require much experience and skills was performed by the young. All work, as a rule, was supervised by the father - ts1inada. In Chechen families, all work was done jointly.

The traditional division of labor also existed among the female part of the family. The female part of the family was led by the “tsennana” - the wife of the head of the family or his mother, who distributed women's work, she herself took part in the performance of part of the household work, indicated which daughter-in-law should do what: who should do the cleaning, sewing; to whom to carry water with the girls, etc.. All household chores were in charge of the mistress of the house. The relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law was trusting, because women constantly need help and support from each other. It can also be said that in small families there was no division of labor between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law and, in general, domestic work was interchangeable. But the burden of all the housework fell on the daughter-in-law, who did the bulk of the housework. It was considered indecent if a young woman walked around the house idle, often visited her neighbors. Relatives and neighbors praised the hard-working young women who were constantly busy, got up early, kept the house and yard clean, coped with all their numerous household duties, and were friendly. The Chechens used to say, and older people still say, that "happiness visits the house and family early in the morning." And if the doors are closed in the house, it passes by with the words: "They do not need me."

Raising children among Chechens

In the family upbringing of Chechens, a significant role was assigned to the assimilation of order and etiquette by children. All aspects of etiquette have been quite clearly developed by generations, as can be judged by table etiquette. So, according to the rules of etiquette, the younger ones were not supposed to sit down at a meal before the elders, sit in the place of the elders, and talk during the meal. In the absence of guests, members of a small family ate food together, and in the presence of guests, they first set the table for men, and then women and children ate. In large families, the meal was organized in different ways: in some cases, all the men ate with their father, the head of the family, then they fed the children, and then the women (mother, daughters, daughters-in-law, etc.). Couples could eat separately: the head of the family with his wife, sons with their children.

It should be noted that the Chechens did not approve of eating at different times in the family, because they believed that there would be no prosperity and harmony in the house if everyone ate separately from the others. Chechens believe that it is impossible to leave a started and half-eaten piece of bread, churek or other part of the food, thereby implying that you are leaving your happiness. It seems that the elders and parents taught the children to be careful and thrifty with bread.

In Chechen families, great importance was attached to physical, labor and moral education children and teenagers. It should be noted that children and adolescents, both in the process of direct participation in the working life of the family, and during various games, various youthful competitions (running, stone throwing, horse racing, wrestling, etc.) received physical hardening. Chechens gradually accustomed boys to male species labor: grazing and caring for them, chopping firewood, carrying crops from the field on a cart, etc. From an early age, boys were taught to ride and care for horses. They also sought to teach boys to endure difficulties, to temper their character. As a rule, the "lessons" began with the simplest assignments and ended with the inculcation of independent work skills.

Girls were taught housework: cleaning the room, kneading dough, cooking, washing, sewing, wool processing, embroidering, etc. The girls also helped their mothers take care of the children. In a small family of Chechens, girls were the only assistants to their mother in household chores, performing feasible household duties. The Chechens, like other peoples of the Caucasus, judged the daughter by the mother, and the mother was judged by the daughter. Very often, relatives and neighbors compared their daughter with their mother and said: “Nana erg yu tsunan yo1” – the daughter is the same as the mother; they also said: “Shen nana hillarg khir yu tsunan yo1” – she will be the same as her mother. If relatives or neighbors saw miscalculations in the behavior of a growing girl, then they concluded that the mother was no teacher, and they added that the mistress of the girl was useless. If the girl grew up neat, hardworking, gained a good reputation, her mother was praised.

In general, in the family of Chechens, a significant role was assigned to the upbringing of children. It is noteworthy that the Chechens, in proportion to the abilities and skills of children, entrusted them with one or another area of ​​work. And the rules of conduct, labor traditions were passed on to children precisely in the family, they were inspired and explained from early childhood that they should fulfill the requests and instructions of their elders, it was necessary to help in work, in life, and each other. And here the personal example of parents and elders was and is the main and the best remedy transmission of positive traditions.

In late autumn and winter, when there was more free time, it was customary for Chechen families to gather at home around the hearth. Older people talked about the past of their ancestors and the history of the people, recalled the heroic deeds of their grandfathers, historical legends, legends, told the assembled youth fairy tales, various legends and parables, made riddles, introduced them to proverbs and sayings. Of course, such evenings had a positive moral impact in conditions when there were no general education schools, radio and television.

Sharia norms had a significant impact on the life of a rural Chechen family.

Divorces among the Chechens

In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, divorces were very rare in Chechen families. As a rule, the initiators were always men, but it should be noted that in cases of a woman's childlessness, she herself proposed a divorce. During a divorce, the husband had to say “As yiti hyo” (I left you) in the presence of a witness. He said this phrase three times. During a divorce, the husband gave to his wife everything that she brought from the parental home, and everything that she accumulated during the period of marriage with her work. Although very rare, but sometimes in Chechen families there were divorces initiated by the wife, which, as a rule, were condemned by public opinion.

In the whole system of family rituals wedding ceremony Chechens was the most developed. The famous Soviet ethnographer L.Ya. Shtenberg noted that “... in the whole complex complex, which includes many rituals: social, legal, economic, religious, magical, etc., the features of many layers, coming from the deepest antiquity and formed under a variety of historical and cultural influences, are combined in a single ritual. ". Since the main purpose of marriage was to procreate, the wedding was accompanied by some magical rites that were supposed to affect the appearance of healthy offspring. For example, the bride had to step over a dagger or pass under crossed checkers, and also lie down on a certain side during sleep, etc. To ensure male offspring, a child, a boy, was given into the hands of the bride as soon as she entered her husband's house.

Among Chechens, the usual marriageable age for a man was 20-25 years old and 18-20 years old for a woman, but young men got married at the age of 23-28 years and later. In the pre-revolutionary past, there were cases among Chechens when young men, due to lack of funds, could not marry until they were 30 or more years old. Early marriages among Chechens were rare, although ethnographic material gives some facts when girls were married off at the age of 15-16.

Chechen wedding

Weddings in Chechen families were arranged, as a rule, in autumn and winter. It was considered undesirable to marry in April "bekar-but" - the month of the cuckoo, citing the fact that the cuckoo does not have its own nest.

The main forms of marriage were: marriages by matchmaking, marriages by kidnapping, marriages by mutual consent of the young without prior notice to the parents. Adat and Sharia forbade the marriages of Muslim women with non-Muslims. Strictly observed the principle of exogamy. When choosing a future groom or bride (and, accordingly, future relatives), the purity of blood and impeccable reputation were placed above the material factor. Polygamy, despite the deep degree of introduction of Islam in the late XIX - early XX centuries, was not a common phenomenon among the Chechens.

Any of the above forms of marriage consisted of several stages:

• a) choosing a bride
• b) matchmaking ("escape", kidnapping of the bride)
• c) wedding
• d) post-wedding ceremonies

Each stage was a whole complex of customs and rituals associated with cult performances, supposedly contributing to the successful completion of the whole business. A lot of people gathered for the wedding at the Chechens: close and distant relatives, neighbors, etc., and this did not require an invitation, since anyone who came was already a welcome guest. The bride and groom did not participate in the wedding. folk wedding Chechens have always been full of music, songs, dances, colorful rituals.

On the wedding day, there was a “review” of the bride’s clothes, which were brought from home on the wedding day or a few days before the wedding, and the woman who brought her (clothes) was presented.

Among the Chechens, immediately after the completion of the wedding, they performed the ceremony of including the newlywed in the economic life of the family. For this, pies "ch1epalgash" were baked. A needle from the hem of a wedding dress was stuck into one of them. The youth with songs and dances, together with the bride, went to the spring. The ceremony was called "nuskal hit1e dakkhar" - to take the daughter-in-law to the water.

Here, a ch1epalg with a needle was thrown into the water and shot at. Then they scooped up water and again, with songs and dances, returned. Shooting in the past was intended to drive away hostile spirits from the bride, but today it is just a wedding salute.

After the cycle is completed wedding ceremonies they arranged a movlid, to which mullahs, relatives and neighbors were invited. This tradition is observed to this day. These are, on the whole, the most common features of a ritual traditional Chechen wedding.

Concluding the article on upbringing, we note that the upbringing of children was an everyday affair of the Chechen family. The importance of this was deeply realized among the people. In Chechen folklore, it was emphasized that parents, raising their children, thereby created their own future: what it will be depends largely on how their children grow up. In the upbringing of children, there were folk foundations developed over several centuries. The traditional system of education among the Chechens included such aspects as providing a full-fledged physical development, constant concern for the health of the younger generation, the transfer of labor and economic skills, compliance with the norms of behavior in society, the transfer of knowledge about the world around. All these foundations were laid in the family.

Khasbulatova Z. I, Nokhchalla.com

Since ancient times, it so happened among the Chechens that the grandfather spends a lot of time with his grandchildren.
Why grandfather?
Firstly, grandfather is already old, so he sits at home.
The son is the breadwinner, so he is busy.
A son needs to feed both his parents and his children.
The Chechens in the family have everything distributed.
Everyone in the family knows what to do.
Grandfather is the head of the family and on his shoulders the correct upbringing of grandchildren.
A grandfather must tell his grandchildren how he went on campaigns, fought, got married, and made friends with his comrades.
But, every grandfather should explain to the children that there are rules that a Chechen should not break.
This is to do daily ablution, to do prayer.
It is most important.
Why do ablution?
This is to be absolutely pure, if you suddenly get to the Creator!
Was it possible for a man to stand dirty before God?
Further, the Chechen grandfather teaches his grandchildren that there is nothing in the world that cannot be refused, except for three things: Air, Water, Bread (food).
From childhood, Chechens are taught to refuse everything else, when it is necessary!
When necessary, you refuse everything except Air, Water and a piece of Bread!
This is taught so that there are no temptations.
Then the grandchildren are taught that when hormones begin to play in his youth and he is subject to passions, he must restrain himself from lust.
Further, since childhood, they are taught to be collected, this is in Chechen - “Sobar”.
Sobar, this is when a Chechen must be absolutely sober and wise!
Don't take a single hasty step!
Be able to think first, and not act thoughtlessly!
This is Sobar!
That is, never make hasty decisions.
Stalin, good or bad, did and acted in the Chechen way!
Therefore, he won the Great Patriotic War!
Any Chechen is taught to live without quarrels.
Therefore, any Chechen, finding himself in a new environment, knows how to give up everything, at the right time, to be collected and restrained and not to paw women, so as not to offend her feelings and the feelings of her relatives.
When Pushkin A.S. went on his journey to Erzurum, he asked the legendary Chechen Taimi Beybulat to go with him.
On the way, Pushkin asks Taimi Beybulat questions, how does he manage to be absolutely brave?
Taimi Beybulat replies that he, Taimi, is absolutely not brave.
He, Taimi, says to Pushkin: "No, no, I'm not brave, I'm always afraid ...".
Pushkin tells him that he, Taimi, is famous throughout the Caucasus for his exploits and courage, and that he asks for clarification!
Taimi explains to Pushkin that when he comes to visit, in any house, he, Taimi, is afraid to look at a woman so as not to offend the owner - "No, no, I'm always afraid to offend someone."
Here it is the true Chechen upbringing and nobility.
Once Taimi was visiting, passing by the Circassian prince.
Any Chechen at any prince of the Caucasus met and was seen off on an equal footing.
And any tsarist general accepted a Chechen as an equal.
The prince had heard a lot about the courage of Taimi Beybulat and treating him with tender lamb, he asked how to defend himself and with what, if suddenly he was suddenly attacked.
Taimi Beybulat says that in such cases, the weapon is everything that comes to hand.
Now a small digression, the Chechens guard the guest from crossing the threshold of his house until he leaves.
Nothing should happen to the Chechen guest!
He must leave as he came!
Full security guarantee.
Therefore, a Chechen is a guest, he feels calm, wherever he is.
The duty of hospitality is above.
The Circassian prince also knew this.
And when the Chechen Taimi Beybulat, before going to bed, went out into the yard for a bath with a jug of water, the Circassian prince, tormented by curiosity, lets the lion out of the cage.
The lion naturally attacks Taimi Beybulat, who is sure of his safety, and therefore left the weapon in the kunatskaya (guest room).
Taimi Beybulat looked around and, not noticing anything suitable for defense, grabbed a jug and went on the attack, forcing the lion to back away.
Only when the prince realized that Taimi did not even think of being frightened and retreating, he released the servants, who dragged the supposedly escaping lion into the cage and then told Taimi all evening that he really understood that everything that comes to hand is a weapon.
It has gone down in history.
Chechens are really afraid to offend a woman.
It is very important for Chechens to teach children to see and hear clearly!
Always be collected, ready for anything, and behave respectfully towards everyone.
Sometimes, such behavior is perceived as weakness and cowardice among other peoples.
I'll tell you a joke: somewhere in Europe, a Chechen got married.
There Lovzar and a mountain feast.
Lezginka, dancing, Chechen flag.
A foreigner at a wedding asks a Chechen what kind of animal is on the flag?
Chechen, says that this is a wolf!
Why is he sitting? says the foreigner.
The Chechen says that if this wolf gets up, everyone will run away.
So that no one runs away, but have fun, the wolf on the coat of arms - Sits!
So here too.
The modesty of a Chechen can sometimes be mistaken for weakness.
But only until the Chechen is approached or insulted.
Here a Chechen, even if he is alone, surprises the audience!
Let the wolf sit!
Chechens are taught to think about the consequences.
To eliminate bad consequences, a Chechen must learn to make the right decisions.
A Chechen will never eat alone if someone does not eat!
He, before drinking water, will stretch it to the one who is nearby.
And everyone, absolutely all Chechens, always correct mistakes.