I found in my husband's phone his frank correspondence with the former. A psychologist friend advised not to panic, but to continue to observe his behavior. Trust or Verify? Male look I climbed into the phone to my husband and there

The more the unlucky husbands contrive, who decide to go to the left or are just looking in this direction, the more sophisticated their partners become in an attempt to bring the hubby to clean water.

Different couples deal with personal boundaries in different ways. Some acquire common pages on social networks and calmly, while others may be offended by an attempt to get into personal space, rummaging through someone else's phone without asking. At the same time, in both cases, you can hide the correspondence from another partner - there would be a desire.

Ciphers

The easiest way is to call your mistress a different name. For example, Fedor Alekseevich or Sanya Rabota. In this case, it is important to separate the rival from real colleagues and friends. Most likely, she and your husband often call up, but at the same time the history of messages is carefully erased. In addition, you have not heard of any Fedor or Alexander from work.

Important: check your guesses and do not rush to throw a scandal to your opponent. An awkward situation may arise when Sanya from work really turns out to be Alexander, and even the boss. It is unlikely that the faithful will appreciate your efforts to strengthen relationships and his career.

Photos

Photos are another type of compromising evidence that you can find. True, it is likely to be indirect. Your partner probably doesn't take memorable selfies with his mistress and keep them on his phone (although there are such personalities). Compromise on a photo is possible if your man, for example, took a photo in some institution like a cafe or restaurant, where he couldn’t be, because he told you that he would be late at work. It is unlikely that the chef took him to the cafe to work overtime.

Important: if you've been dating for a short time, don't jump to conclusions by finding a photo with a girl you don't know anything about. A sister or colleague could also be in the frame, so you will need other evidence of infidelity.

Browser history

If the encrypted man probably erased the messages or photos, cleaned the messengers, and social media password-protected, then something may remain in the browser history that he did not remember. For example, a site for ordering movie tickets or a bouquet of flowers. Such evidence will tell you a lot if you have not gone to any movie, and there are no flowers in your bedroom.

How to know the truth

On your husband's phone, you have to find something that he does not want to show you. Most likely, these are hidden folders or deleted files. If you have the opportunity to get a phone at your disposal for a couple of days, you can put a tracking application or look for applications that recover deleted files. Is it true. will have to understand the technical side of the issue. For example, some programs require administrator rights.

It is worth noting that if problems of this kind arise in a couple - one partner doubts the other, secretly reads his correspondence and follows, while the other hides, hides something and is silent - even if both partners are faithful to each other.

When trying to find compromising evidence, be prepared to respond to it, and also admit that you have read the correspondence. What do you think, is it worth looking for compromising evidence on a partner’s phone? How can I find it and should I do it?

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Trust

This is what I was waiting for. I really waited for some reader to ask if I need to get into the phone and social networks of my partner, or can I somehow live without it. And waited:
“Hello, Igor! My girlfriend and I had a serious argument about this topic. She says that sometimes you need to check the phone of your loved one, if there are any suspicious SMS messages there. And for some reason I think it's low. It's like reading other people's letters, although, of course, nothing can be done about curiosity. I wonder what men themselves think about this? Tatiana"

I have to disappoint: men themselves sometimes don’t even think about this, but immediately do it. And the inquisitive beloved is suddenly very abruptly and unexpectedly left alone. Of course, she immediately concludes that all her suspicions were correct, and the man simply left for another. In fact, the man just left in a state of passion and rage. Why does this happen? Because all people have their own code of acceptable and unacceptable things. The terrible injustice of such a code lies in the fact that we are ready to forgive ourselves much more than everyone else. Therefore, even if somewhere we once cheated on our beloved, it’s not like a crime. But if she got into our phone or email and found out about it - this is already a grave sin, a mortal insult and a reason to yell "You yourself ruined everything!". And it's hard to argue with such an orator. After all, before that everything was quiet, no one knew anything, and it turns out that the truth is that she ruined everything, and herself too. And by the way, no one guarantees that the fighter for the truth herself never had any adultery either.

"Who is without sin?" - Jesus asked the crowd in vain, offering this rare character to throw a stone at him - and not a single one was found. But it's not even about sins. It often happens that we are simply disgusted that someone read our correspondence, even if it is someone close. Well, check yourself. Here you are sitting at the computer, reading the mail. And then any person comes up from behind - mom, boss, child, grandmother and just looks at what's on your monitor. Not because they are passionate about your secrets. It's just that people look at the monitor because they are interested in what is there. I believe that in any case you will experience discomfort and may even immediately close the mail window. Now imagine that the same person picks up your phone and starts reading text messages. Even if there is harmless Twitter with girlfriends, you still are unlikely to be pleased.

The saddest thing is that there are still girls in the world who do not understand "what's wrong with that." Here is a vivid example: one friend was very happy about mutual love. A spectacular successful man, beautifully looked after, drove to the Maldives and all that. And even when it turned out that she was pregnant, he was very happy and honestly gathered with her at the registry office. Not just going, but directly bought an apartment and began to create the very family nest that she so dreamed of. Well, about two months before the birth, the irreparable happened: the groom went to the shower, and an SMS came to his mobile phone left on the table. And the happy bride not only had the sense to read the sms, but also indignantly ask the groom: “Who is Marina?” Marina was a work colleague, and there was no crime there. And if there was, then the groom certainly would not leave the mobile phone alone with the bride. As a result, of course, there was a scandal. No, he still didn’t leave her with the child, but a year later they still divorced, because trust was lost and other feelings also disappeared somewhere.

Another vivid example: my friend’s wife got into his account on classmates, got nasty to some of his school girlfriends there, and then also arranged an interrogation with an addiction about every girl who was her husband’s friends. The husband, of course, is up to his neck to blame: from time to time he really corresponded with former classmates and classmates from his small childhood town, from where they then all dispersed in all directions. But for some reason this interrogation infuriated him. “No, well, now I simply have to have a mistress, since I am already accused of all sins!” And started, by the way. The man said, the man did. And who is better off for it? Give me at least one example when reading someone else's correspondence brought someone happiness. In general, there are a lot of things in the world that it is better not to know about. And my favorite Ecclesiastes very rightly remarked: "Whoever increases knowledge, increases sorrow." Be grateful to your husband who protects you from bad news. Even if he cheats, he carries this tragedy deep in himself so as not to overshadow yours. happy life. So that the children are not left orphans and all that. And note: he does not delve into your mail and phone to find out unpleasant things for himself.

Of course, there are no rules without exceptions. There are such happy newlyweds who decide to do everything together at once and share everything with each other. Even Facebook accounts they start one for two, and all SMS and personal mail are read aloud to each other. I don't mind if it suits both of them. Well, there are, of course, couples where the wife, as an intelligence officer, checks not only her husband’s correspondence, but also his pockets, recalculates his salary, etc. normal. Well, maybe for some this is normal. For me, no. By the way, I asked my wife why she never reads my mail, ICQ, etc. This despite the fact that for many years we had one common computer and a very complicated relationship. And at the same time, no one closed anything with passwords. And I heard the brilliant answer of a truly wise woman: “Why should I live with a man who needs to be watched? And even more so, it would be disgusting for me to live with a henpecked man who allows me to do this.

Question to the psychologist:

Dating a man for a year. Older than me by 7 years. I have very tender feelings for him. Once, during our meeting, he talked with me on the phone for a long time with a woman, the conversation seemed to be business-like, but overstepping the bounds of formality, I felt that she was flirting with him ... I just choked with jealousy .. He turned away for a minute, I took his phone and answered her to get away from him. When he found out all this, he was furious. Called stupid. In a raised tone, he began to say that there was nothing to get into his phone, and he didn’t get into mine .... And that she was many years older than him .. But this woman began to send him an entertaining video, and he was with me I kept in touch with her, and I was there, but it was like an empty place .. I love him very much, I value relationships. We live in different cities, meetings are warm, emotional. He is caring and attentive, and after this incident, he himself was the first to talk. But he really did not like my trick. I myself understand that I had to restrain myself. There was a thought that I completely ruined everything .. Tell me, he’s wrong, that he was chatting in front of me, it’s not very nice. Yes, I made it worse for myself, but this woman will at least know that he has me. He has nothing with her, lives far away and has a purely business relationship. It also hurt me that he allows himself to yell at me, although I do not allow myself this. He has a hard job, he is at work almost around the clock .. In general, I think that his reaction offended him and surprised him ... As if I recognized him from the other side .. Is the society of that woman more important than our relationship for him? Some questions ... Thank you in advance for your answer, I will heed your advice.

The psychologist Matrosova Anna Alekseevna answers the question.

Dear Olga.

The relationship between a man and a woman is one of the important topics in the life of any person, because it is inherent in every person by nature itself. To have a happy and harmonious relationship, you need to create them. Your letter is a step towards such a relationship.

Let's analyze your situation. You write “I just choked with jealousy,” that is, you forbade yourself to experience the negative feelings that arose. Suppressed the natural reaction. If we do not express such feelings as anger, resentment, anger, etc., then our body accumulates them and the result is various diseases. Therefore, the negative must be expressed, only constructively. For example i-message. For example: when you chat with me with a woman I don’t know (description of a specific situation or action), I feel angry, upset (tell me how you feel) I would like you to ... (tell me what you expect from him).

Next, I suggest you calmly think about what caused the feeling of jealousy. A woman that you have not seen or heard what she says or something in the behavior of your man. There are questions and topics for discussion.

Taking the phone, judging by the reaction of your man, you have violated his personal boundaries. Apparently your relationship isn't close enough yet to answer his phone calls without permission. But this can also be discussed. In my opinion, open dialogue is the basis of harmonious relationships. For violation of its border - a response (anger and aggression), expressed by shouting and name-calling. Those. your man should also learn to express his feelings calmly, without offending his soul mate. Relationships are built by TWO.

The phrase "tell me, because he is wrong ...". Analyze this phrase. You ask an outsider whether your man is right or wrong. What do you think? After all, truth, like everything in our world, is a relative concept. This is your relationship and it is up to you to decide whether this behavior is acceptable in your relationship. Are you ready to continue to allow such behavior of your man? If not, discuss what happened using the i-message.

Difficulties arise in any relationship, but when TWO people communicate, they want to find a solution that suits both and all this happens calmly without screaming, quarrels and fights, then these people have every chance of success in creating harmonious relations. I believe that you, Olga, will succeed, and your questions (of which there are many) are the path to self-improvement. Good luck.

We all found ourselves in this situation - he was in the shower and forgot the phone in the room. Tempting? And how! And what to do?

Yes, on the one hand, you will be sure that he is faithful to you (or you will finally find out the bitter truth), but on the other hand ... no one wants to feel embarrassed if they get caught. And yet - don't you think that if you are so worried about what is on his phone, then you need to decide something: take self-esteem courses or end a relationship with a person you do not trust?

We learned from a psychologist what to do if you feel like looking into his correspondence and checking who he called at two in the morning.

A mobile phone today is our integral part, one might say, a “phantom hand” and even a “phantom brain”. It has become an extension of our body, and we are afraid to let go of it. He keeps everything! And getting into someone else's phone is dangerous. Before you do so, ask yourself these questions: Are you ready to face what might be out there? What will you do if you find provocative information?

On the other hand, if a person who swears in love has password-protected phones, iPads, and he goes to wash with him, it’s probably worth considering that something is going wrong. In this case, it makes sense to clarify the situation. It is open to ask what is so secret about the phone that a person is so guarding it. And most importantly, there must be a balance: if your phone is open, then so is your partner, and vice versa. From my own experience, I can say that sometimes a meaningless SMS that is read can become a trigger for the destruction of a family. Everything is individual. Often women who want to take a man away specifically send SMS at a time when the man is relaxed so that his wife can hear. For example, at night. If you automatically react negatively, then she managed to unbalance you, and, as they say, if you want to deprive a person of success, deprive him of balance.