Naughty child and you do not know what to do? We will teach you how to cope with the problem of whims at any age. Children's whims Why the child is naughty during the day

... My baby is attached to the breast and is naughty all evening. What to do?

Cluster feedings often coincide with evening feedings. The baby may latch on for a few minutes, let go of the breast, taunt/cry for a while, latch on for a few minutes, let go, taunt/cry… over and over… for many hours. This can be VERY frustrating: Mom starts to wonder if the baby is getting enough milk, maybe she, maybe EVERYTHING she does is disturbing the baby… It can really destroy your self-confidence, especially if there is someone else who asks the same questions (your mother, husband, mother-in-law).

This behavior is NORMAL.! It has nothing to do with your breast milk or motherhood. If the baby is happy for the rest of the day, doesn't seem to be in pain (like colic, for example) during the restless period - just keep trying to calm the baby and don't blame yourself for what's happening. Let your baby breastfeed for as long and as often as he wants. Enlist the help of dad (or another helper) to bring you food/drinks and other things (book/remote/phone, etc.) while you feed and soothe the baby.

Does this mean the baby needs more milk than I can provide?

No. Don't give a bottle to the baby - supplementing will only signal to your body that you need LESS milk at this time, which will not help in this situation. Also, keep in mind that formula-fed babies are also naughty in the evening. Restless evenings are characteristic of all babies, regardless of how they eat. The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine () writes about this in black and white in their :
There are situations that require analysis and reorganization breastfeeding, but NOT INSTRUCTIONS for supplementary feeding, including... a baby who is naughty at night or constantly feeding for several hours.
Why do babies act up in the evening?

A common explanation for a baby's restlessness in the evening is that milk volume tends to decrease in the evening due to the natural hormonal cycle. However Dr. Peter Hartman, a breastfeeding researcher, says that among the women he examined Not there was a decrease in the volume of milk at this time of day. Even if the volume of milk is lower in the evening, the fat content is usually higher in the evening (especially if the baby is feeding on demand), so the number of calories the baby receives should not differ significantly. milk flow Maybe in the evening and this annoys some kids.

Doctors often attribute evening moodiness to a child's immature nervous system (and this phenomenon does end usually at 3-4 months as the child gets older). However, Dr. Katherine Detweiler(which examines breastfeeding in traditional societies) states that babies in Mali, West Africa, and other traditional societies do not have colic or nighttime moodiness. These babies are worn all day long and breastfed several times an hour.

So perhaps none of these explanations provide a complete answer to a child's evening restless behavior. For many babies, a hectic time seems to be characterized by a need for small amounts of milk at short intervals and a need for intense physical contact, cuddling and movement. Babies who are offered as much expressed milk or formula as they can bottle [warning: this practice will decrease your milk production!] often behave in the evening similar. The baby eats a small amount of milk and naps (and is naughty), then eats some more, and so on. It is possible that babies “remember” that their mother was active during pregnancy at this time and again want to be constantly carried, rocked and fed.

Maybe babies just have tomore oftenbreastfeed at this time rather than consuming more milk.

Methods of calming down in "capricious" times:

• Carry a child in a sling or backpack. This will free up one or both hands for other tasks (preparing dinner, taking care of other children) while you rock, soothe and feed your baby.
• Change the rhythm of life. Let dad mingle with the baby while mom takes a shower or just allows herself to unwind and rebuild after a long day.
• Walk. Soothe the baby (and mom too) by walking or sitting outside and relaxing. Try this method shortly before the time when the child usually starts acting up.
• soothing sound. Sing, buzz, talk, whisper shh, listen to music or use white noise. Try different types sounds, different musical styles and singers with different types of voices.
• Calming rhythmic movement. Walking, rocking, bouncing, dancing, whirling. Or try a car trip.
• physical contact. Hug or bathe your baby, try a massage.
• Reduction of excitatory factors. Dim the lights, turn down the noise, swaddle the baby.
• Changing your breastfeeding position. Try breastfeeding while lying on your side, on your back, belly to belly, etc.
• Breastfeed on the move(swing, walk, etc.).
• Combine rhythmic movement with soothing sounds.
• Avoid feeding by the hour, especially in the evening, when the child is naughty.

Children's whims are perceived by society quite tolerantly - he is small, he will grow up - he will understand! There is some wisdom in this, since the nervous system of babies really undergoes significant changes in the first years of life, with whims the baby can “signal” others around him with his fatigue, tension, discontent, disagreement with something, his poor physical condition if he is sick.

However, excessive crybaby could undermine nervous system not only to parents and others, but also to himself.

The well-known pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky tells what to do if the child is naughty, and whether his behavior can be corrected.

Where do whims come from?

If a child often freaks out and is capricious, there may be several reasons for this:

• He doesn't feel well, feels unwell.
• He is overtired, stressed (especially if the whims are repeated in the evening).
• He is poorly brought up, he throws tantrums because he is used to getting what he wants in this way.

Dr. Komarovsky believes that any excessive manifestation of capriciousness is directed, first of all, to parents. If the baby has viewers who are affected by his tantrum, he will use this “weapon” every time he needs something or something ceases to suit him. .

Reasonable actions of parents in this case should be ignoring - a baby who was denied the opportunity to get his hands into a hot oven or dip a cat into the toilet can scream and be indignant as much as he wants, mom and dad should be adamant.

It is desirable that all family members, including grandparents, adhere to such tactics. Komarovsky emphasizes that children become tyrants and manipulators almost immediately after they realize that with the help of hysteria they can achieve what is forbidden to them.

Age whims and tantrums

In its development, the child goes through several stages of psychological maturation. The transition from one stage to the next is accompanied by the so-called age crisis. This is a difficult time for both the baby and his parents, because not all, but most children, age crises are accompanied by increased capriciousness and even hysteria.

2-3 years

At this age, the baby begins to realize himself as a separate person. A period of denial begins, the baby strives to do the opposite, becomes stubborn and sometimes capricious for any reason. He, as it were, tests those around him for strength, tests the boundaries of what is permitted. That is why a capricious child at 2 or 3 years old is not at all uncommon. Many children's whims at this age could be avoided if children were able to express emotions well in words at the age of 2-3. But limitation vocabulary such a child, as well as the inability and misunderstanding of the principles of describing their feelings in words, lead precisely to such an inadequate reaction.

6-7 years old

At this age, children usually go to school. A change of team, a new daily routine that is different from Sadik’s, and, most importantly, new demands from parents, often oppress the child so much that he begins to act up and hysteria in protest. The most pronounced are tantrums among those children who began to practice whims as early as 2-3 years old, and parents failed to normalize the child's behavior in a timely manner.

Whims in infants

In infants, whims, as a rule, have good reasons. The baby does not take the breast, gets nervous and cries in the first months of his independent life, not from harm, but from unmet needs or physical discomfort.

To begin with, Komarovsky advises making sure that the child has the right conditions for healthy growth - it is not hot or stuffy in his room.

Often, a baby can be capricious from lack of sleep, or vice versa - from excessive sleep, from overeating, if parents stuff the baby through force not when he asks to eat, but when, in their opinion, it's time to dine. From overeating, the frequency and intensity of intestinal colic increases, which cause a lot of unpleasant physical sensations. As a result, the baby is naughty.

Quite often, whims accompany the period of teething., but such an attack of crying and whining is temporary, as soon as the child's condition returns to normal, everything will change, including behavior.

When to See a Doctor

Most often, parents take their capricious, naughty and hysterical child to see a pediatrician with this problem at the age of 4. Until this age, they justify children's "concerts" with age-related crises of an early age, individual behavioral characteristics, the child's temperament and other reasons. However, according to Komarovsky, at the age of 4-5 it is already quite difficult to solve a neglected pedagogical problem, which undoubtedly exists.

Some features of the child's behavior during the active phase of hysteria should alert parents.

If the baby makes a “hysterical bridge”, in which he arches his back and extremely strains all the muscles, if he has breath holding with loss of consciousness, for his own reassurance, it is better for the mother to show the child to a child neurologist and visit a child psychologist.

In general, the physical manifestations of hysteria in a child can be different, up to convulsions, clouding of consciousness, short-term impairment of speech functions. In some cases, such reactions may indicate not only the susceptibility of the child, his temperament, but also certain diseases of a neurological and psychiatric nature. If in doubt, go to a specialist doctor. If, apart from holding the breath during the ore, nothing else happens, Komarovsky advises to deal with this simply - you should blow in the face of the hysterical, he reflexively stops yelling and takes a deep breath, breathing returns to normal.

Don't make excessive demands on your child. His inner feeling that he will not cope with your expectations, resistance to requirements that he cannot yet fulfill due to his age, cause a response, manifested precisely by hysteria and childish whims.

Follow the daily routine, make sure that the child has enough rest, does not overwork, does not spend too much time at the computer or in front of the TV. If a child has a tendency to increased capriciousness, the best leisure for him is active outdoor games.

Teach your child to talk about their emotions and feelings. To do this, from a very early age, you should show the child how to do it and regularly practice simple exercises. “I am offended because I can’t draw an elephant”, “When there is a thunderstorm, I am very scared”, “When I am afraid, I want to hide” and so on. By the age of three or four, this will help form the child's habit of speaking in words about what he needs, what does not suit him, and not throw tantrums with screams and screams.

If they can steadfastly endure the first stage, when they need to ignore the tantrum, without showing that it somehow touches adults, then soon silence and harmony will come in the house, the child will quickly remember at the reflex level that hysteria is not an option and a way, which means it doesn't make any sense.

Work out the system of prohibitions and make sure that what is impossible is always impossible. Any exceptions to the rules are another reason for subsequent hysteria.

If a child is prone to violent tantrums, with head banging on the floor and walls, it is necessary to protect him from possible injuries. If we are talking about a child of 1-2 years old, Komarovsky advises to limit the tantrum to the arena. If an attack has begun, you should put the child in the arena and leave the room for a while. The absence of spectators will make the tantrum short, and the child will not physically be able to harm himself in the arena.

Many parents, when they see a crying child, immediately try to comfort him. This is because they don't know: crying helps people of all ages relieve stress. Crying is a state of physiological arousal followed by deep relaxation. He is very effective tool relieving tension, lowering blood pressure and reducing heart rate. Together with tears, stress hormones are excreted from the body, and thus its physiological balance is restored.

Why is the child naughty. Stress accumulation effect.

Babies use crying not only as a stress-reducing mechanism, but also to express their needs. With the advent of speech, the communicative role of crying is reduced, it ceases to serve as a means of transmitting messages.

When a child has some kind of trouble, tears reduce his psycho-emotional stress. Therefore, in any problematic situation, everything possible should be done to eliminate the cause of discomfort. If any stressful situation is repeated repeatedly, it is also important to eliminate the source of stress whenever possible.

Suppose you have done everything possible to eliminate the cause of stress. The next step is to listen to the child and be sympathetic to his crying. I recommend always picking up crying babies. With older children, this is not necessary, but they will always feel better if you show them attention. Children need someone to be there to listen to them and be understanding about their feelings. Crying children need our sympathy and attention; they need to know that they are loved no matter how they feel. They need to express their negative emotions, so don't ignore or distract them, just show that you understand and love them.

We strive to make our children happy and at the same time forget how important it is to give them the opportunity to experience the full range of emotions. Do not rush to give your interpretation of why the child is crying, rather tell him: “You are very sad. Looks like you need to cry." And it also happens that a child simply needs to have a silent and loving witness to his inner experiences, which, perhaps, are too difficult to describe in words. And than younger child the more difficult it is for him to do so.

We all know the so-called accumulation effect. The need to cry builds up until the need to release it becomes so strong that the child can no longer hold back. At such a moment, anything can cause tears, and their cause will be incomprehensible. It may seem that crying is completely unrelated to what is happening. Suppose your child is hungry and asks for something to eat. You give him the last cracker from the box. But it cracked, and the child begins to act up. You explain to him that this is the last cracker. And then he begins to cry and scream, indignant at the fact that the cracker turned out to be broken. All this was not an offensive event. The reason why babies start crying in these situations is because of the accumulation of stress. To relieve tension, they use the slightest pretexts. If you allow the child to cry and resent because of such trifles, then after these outbursts of anger, he will calm down. Maybe in the future he will not pay attention to the broken cracker at all.

What to do if the child is naughty. Release of feelings

Many parents feel that their children manipulate them with crying, whims and tantrums. Such adults feel as if they are being forced to do something, and they believe that they have two ways out of the situation:

1. “yield” to the child and give him what he wants;
2. get the baby to stop using crying, whims and tantrums to achieve their goals.

When the views of adults change, they have another way out. Crying in itself is a natural need, such behavior of children is not manipulation and whim. Adults should perceive the child's tears as a normal release of accumulated feelings. Life becomes much easier when parents crying children realize that there is no real problem here and they don't have to do anything but stay close to their children.

Some adults, preoccupied with the behavior of their children, give in to whims, mistaking them for real needs. In the example of the broken biscuit, the mother might take the child to the store to buy him a new pack. As a result of such upbringing, children usually become more demanding and difficult. This is not due to the fact that they receive too much, but due to the fact that they never have the opportunity to free themselves from the accumulated feelings with the help of crying.

If the parents "give in" as a result of prolonged crying and demands of the child, he does not manage to cry enough and get rid of his stress. Then the baby will find another reason for whimpering and begging, and this will continue until he is given the opportunity to cry completely.

At the same time, it is wrong to set arbitrary limits for the child and ignore the satisfaction of his normal needs, in each case believing that he just needs to cry. This will be an authoritarian upbringing. Adults should always try to meet the needs of children. Only when the demands of babies become unreasonable can one assume the emergence of a need to release accumulated emotions.

The whims of a child - a test of strength?

Some parents argue that children are demanding the impossible. Sometimes this is true. Children feel more confident and secure when they know clearly what they are allowed to do and what is expected of them. However, if a child constantly “tests his parents for strength,” then he needs an excuse for crying and indignation. If your baby is persistently inappropriate or constantly asking for things he shouldn't touch, ask yourself, "Is he looking for an excuse to cry to relieve his tension?" If you think that this is exactly what is happening, then it is best to respond to his demands with a respectful but firm “no” or physical restriction (for example, holding the baby in your arms - but only). This will allow him to release the accumulated feelings. In this position, the child's indignation may be directed at you. Get ready for it.

Tatyana Cherneva, psychologist.

The causes of children's whims can be very different, and they greatly depend on the age of the child. Very young children express any dissatisfaction or pain with the help of crying, because other means of communication are not yet available to them.

Older children defend their point of view with whims and try to assert themselves - it is not for nothing that psychologists distinguish certain periods of crisis, during which the child is constantly capricious and becomes uncontrollable.

Why is my child naughty before bed?

Problems with the tummy, characteristic of children in the first months of life, worsen in the evening.

There is a reason to contact a gastroenterologist if you see that:

• the child presses the legs to the stomach;
• squealing or crying hysterically;
• bends when feeding;
• the child has a "burst" in the tummy;
• the child is spitting up profusely;
• the child has no stool;
• the chair, on the contrary, is too frequent and liquid;
• mucus, greenish or bloody streaks, undigested lumps are observed in the feces.

The doctor will prescribe the necessary examinations and select enzymatic preparations for the baby that improve the absorption of milk or mixture and reduce gas formation in the stomach, and evening whims will stop.

If parents ask a pediatrician a question: why is a child naughty for 5 months, doctors usually immediately refer to the teeth. Indeed, around this age, babies begin to salivate profusely, they pull rattles or their own hands into their mouths, while the children are irritable and restless, and their gums look loose and red when examined. Often, six to eight weeks pass from the onset of "tooth" whims to the eruption of the first teeth - this is an acute period during which the teeth move inside the gums, causing anxiety to the child and justifying his evening whims. To reduce pain, doctors recommend using gels with a local anesthetic effect or antipyretics in syrup or suppositories.

Why is a child often naughty at the age of one year?

The age of about a year is the period when the child already knows how to walk, actively play, interact with others, but still does not know how to speak well and, if necessary, cannot explain what is wrong with him. If a child is very irritable and restless, his appetite has worsened and there is no fever, cough, runny nose and other visible manifestations of the disease, his ears may hurt. Show the child to the doctor, who will examine and, if necessary, prescribe tests to find out the cause of the ailment.

Many mothers are worried why the child is naughty in the evening, because the period of colic has long passed. Evening whims at this age speak of emotional overexcitation. The impressions and experiences accumulated during the day do not allow the baby to relax and fall asleep peacefully. This is especially true for hyperactive and excitable children who have given up daytime sleep.

To solve the problem of evening whims, you can consult a neurologist. In some cases, children are prescribed sedatives.

But all, without exception, naughty children will benefit from the following recommendations:

• walks in the fresh air before going to bed;
• ventilation of the room;
• decreased physical activity and a ban on watching cartoons a few hours before bedtime;
• quiet games, reading books;
• in the absence of allergies - water procedures added to bath sea ​​salt, needles, hop cones, decoction of chamomile, mint, succession;
• use after consultation with a pediatrician herbal soothing tea from chamomile, motherwort, fennel, mint (you can buy a ready-made collection at the pharmacy).

Why is a child of three to five years old naughty all the time?

At the age of three to five years, the child's psyche is rebuilt, he understands more, emotions become deeper, which often leads to conflicts between the child and others and even with himself. A docile and kind child suddenly suddenly becomes aggressive if he is forced to obey the parental will, he does not respond to prohibitions and tries to challenge them.

A child of three to five years is naughty if:

• he is accustomed to increased self-care, and now he lacks communication;
• wants to attract attention or get what they want;
• protests against excessive guardianship and reacts with whims to prohibitions;
• tries to prove his independence and the right to make decisions;
• conflicts with himself (didn’t get enough sleep, tired, undisciplined and therefore couldn’t do something, didn’t have time).

At this age, parents are often surprised why children are naughty with their mother or other close relatives, and behave peacefully and politely with strangers. For example, in kindergarten they go to bed at a quiet hour and eat well, although at home they cannot be forced to pick up a spoon or go to bed without crying.

During periods of crisis, consistency and discipline are especially important for children, which are often observed in kindergarten, but not maintained at home. By excluding health problems and setting boundaries in communication with a child, having thought through the daily routine and confidently explaining the concepts of “good” and “bad”, together you will overcome crisis periods and survive the whims of the child.

Why is the child constantly naughty and crying? This question is relevant for parents of infants and children. preschool age. Therefore, we want to consider this problem in more detail.

Why is the child naughty

Most moms and dads every day face the reluctance of the child to eat, sleep, dress, go to kindergarten or for a walk. The baby cries, refuses to comply with the proposed requirements, and sometimes just screams or whines. There are several main reasons for this behavior:

• Physical - this group includes various diseases, fatigue, hunger, desire to drink or sleep. The child feels bad, but cannot understand why this happened. Therefore, it is so important for parents to follow the daily routine, feed, water and put the baby to bed on time.
• The child requires attention - most children's tantrums can be prevented by increasing the time of communication. Mom's love is important to little man, like air. If he does not get the right amount of attention, he will "pull" him in all available ways. Therefore, you do not need to wait for the baby to start hysterical. Just leave your affairs, turn off the phone, the Internet and hug the child. Play with him, take an interest in the news and spend time together.
• The child wants to get what he wants - the little man perfectly understands where they are pain points parents, and knows how to put pressure on them. Therefore, if mom or dad buys off the whims financially, then the child will quickly learn how to use new scheme. It is very important to teach the child to negotiate, to look for new solutions to his problems.

Nature has arranged so that children's crying causes a strong emotional reaction in adults. This is very good, because sometimes reflection saves the life and health of a small person. If the child cries all the time, then you need to understand why he does it.

Infants

Many parents recall the age from birth to three or four months with horror. Why during this period the child is constantly naughty and crying? The following reasons can be distinguished:

• The baby is hungry - sometimes the mother does not have enough milk or artificial formula is not suitable for him. If the child is not gaining weight well, then doctors recommend starting complementary foods.
• Colic - It is believed that they are caused by gases in the intestines. Therefore, a nursing mother should monitor her diet and exclude a number of foods containing fiber. In addition, the pediatrician usually prescribes drops that help to improve the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.
• A cold or inflammation of the ear - a doctor will help eliminate this problem. And the mother should report in time about the problems that have arisen and the change in the behavior of the baby.
• Wet diapers - many children react sharply to untimely change of linen. Therefore, you should use diapers or change your baby's clothes on time.
• Feeling of loneliness - children miss adults and calm down immediately after being picked up.

Unfortunately, it is very difficult for inexperienced parents to determine why the child is constantly naughty and crying. Therefore, they should listen carefully to the baby and immediately respond to his needs.

Whims in one year

When the baby grows up, he is faced with the first prohibitions. Often children react very violently: they scream, throw things, stomp their feet. If parents are aware of age features, then, as far as possible, they will be able to prevent What to do when a child screams and cries (1 year old)? The baby is naughty for various reasons. So first you need to define them:

• The child is naughty from an illness or internal conflict - he does not understand why he feels bad, and protests in a way that is accessible to him.
• Protests against excessive guardianship - wants more freedom, refuses offered clothes or returning home from a walk.
• Seeks to copy parents - let him participate in his affairs. Thanks to this, you can constantly be nearby, and at the same time teach your baby how to use new objects.
• Reacts to emotional stress - excessive severity and control cause the child to cry. Therefore, try to treat him as a person, and not an object that must unquestioningly fulfill your will.

Do not forget that there are also invisible reasons for children's tears. Sometimes a child is constantly naughty and cries only because his temperament is of a weak type. This means that the baby is quickly overexcited, reacts sharply to stimuli and instantly gets tired. With age, he will learn to control his behavior, but for now it is important to monitor the daily routine and timely rest.

Two years

At this difficult age, even the most complaisant children turn into little tyrants. Parents complain that they cannot cope with the whims and demands of the baby. Many children have problems with sleep, there is increased excitability, and sometimes the first tantrums. So, what causes of whims can be identified when the child is 2 years old:

• Socialization - at this age, the child must learn new rules for him to communicate and interact with other people. Therefore, he reacts sharply to restrictions that relate to his independence and freedom of action.
• Speech development - until the child can formulate in words what he feels or wants to do. Therefore, he relieves nervous tension by screaming and crying.
• Unspent energy - it is very important that during the day the baby can actively move and play. Stiffness leads to the fact that in the evening he cannot calm down and fall asleep.
• Emotional stress - the baby feels the emotions of adults, it is hard for family conflicts and quarrels of adults.

When a child is 2 years old, he enters a phase of crisis. Therefore, it is so important to treat his personal problems with understanding and respond correctly to them.

Crisis of three years

A new stage in the development of the baby is accompanied by a violent reaction on his part. At this age, he realizes himself as a person, the pronoun "I" appears in his speech. The child tries to do everything himself, but does not always succeed in this. Therefore, he "revenges" his parents with tears and cries. What should be done? Psychologists advise to come to terms with the situation and just survive it.

What to do if the child is constantly naughty and crying

Each parent finds their own solution to the problem. Not always the chosen path will lead to positive result and sometimes even worse the situation. What to do if the baby is crying:

When to See a Doctor

Experts consider it normal if the baby shows his displeasure two or three times a week. If the child is constantly capricious and crying, and even more so arranges real tantrums, then this is a reason to seek help from a qualified specialist. Perhaps just a few visits to a child psychologist will help restore peace and tranquility in the family.

Conclusion

Every parent should understand that whims in early age- this is absolutely normal. Therefore, it is so important to learn to recognize the causes and eliminate them in time.