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How to let a guy know that you are just friends. How to tell your best friend that you love him? I can't do it, but I'll be happy to help with…
We've known each other for two years. We have warm friendly relations. Recently I realized that I love. Now I'm at a loss: is it possible, "for no apparent reason", to say this to a person who has been "just a friend" to me all this time? It is difficult to defeat the stereotype "the initiative comes from the man", and besides, I am afraid that friendship will suffer from this. Silence, perhaps, will lead to regrets ... A friend says: "Everything is written on your face! If he wanted to change something in your relationship, he would start a conversation himself. Apparently, you suit him only as a friend." I don't want to be naive, but what if he, like me, is just afraid of destroying the friendship? (Nadezhda, Chita, 25 years old)
Hope, Chita, 25 years old / 20.12.05
Opinions of our experts
ALYONA:
And your girlfriend, for an hour, has no views of your friend? Painfully harmful thoughts she inspires you. Maybe she can see what is written on your forehead, but you just don’t need to equate female observation with the amazing male ability not to notice even the most obvious things. There should not be a dilemma "To say or not to say?" Here it is necessary to solve the question "How to say?". I understand your fear of losing a friend by scaring him away with your confession. So, you need to show imagination, and tell him about it so that this does not happen. Actually, our rubric is not for giving practical advice. And for the exchange of views. However, I will offer one idea. Suddenly it will come in handy. ahead New Year. With whom will you and he meet him? If he is relatively free, ask him to keep you company. For example, with the words that it is customary to celebrate the New Year with people who are dear to you. Ideally, this should be a loved one. But, alas, it so happened that you do not have a person who loves you (underline this). But on the other hand, you have a real friend whom you love (here this word "love" will not be too straightforward). And since there is such a sign - as you meet the New Year, so you will spend it, then you would be glad to spend it with him. But if he has more tempting offers in mind, then, of course, you will understand him ... If he refuses, consider that he really has nothing for you, or is not yet ripe. But at the same time, you will not stun him with your confession, because. an invitation to celebrate the New Year in the company of a friend whom you value and love (because in this case the word "love" can mean "love like a friend") - this is not yet a declaration of love. Well, if you can’t celebrate the New Year together for objective reasons, find another way to check his true attitude towards you. For example, in a semi-joking way, ask him to help you find a guy, but one that looks like him. "I'm a lonely girl, and I'm tired of loneliness. But with a friend like you, I became very picky about men. So, one hope is that maybe you have a friend, or a cousin who would be looks like you?" Of course, such things need to be said to the place, and not suddenly. This is all, of course, at the level of improvisation ... But we are women, and women are cunning in our blood. So, just use your natural gift. Don't listen to your friend. She's just jealous of you.
SERGEY:
Girlfriend is talking nonsense. Very few guys can make the first move or start a relationship conversation on their own. After all, this implies that you can get a refusal, that is, a severe blow to conceit, which, as you yourself understand, is not the most desirable event for a guy. And if so, then many are silent until victorious and decide to tell the truth after many years, when everything has already burned out, families, children. But who knows if it was not a mistake? In general, of course, I am for all men, as in fairy tales or melodramas, to be smart, courageous, decisive, wise, etc., but this does not happen in life. If you understand that your feelings have become more than friendly, then say so about it. In any case, than to suffer from ignorance and suffer from innuendo, it is better to find out everything once and for all. Stop talking to him for a while. And when he, intrigued, decides to figure out what is happening, tell him everything. But not in the forehead, but streamlined. It is not necessary to declare right from the threshold: "I love you, let's get married." Better say that he has become dearer to you than just a friend, and you would not want the situation to go even further. That you stopped communicating in order to understand yourself, to think, and also, so as not to complicate the life of a dear person who, unfortunately, does not experience reciprocal feelings. In general, shift the responsibility for subsequent communication to him. There is no doubt that he will be flattered by your feelings. But what conclusions he draws - you'll see. If he himself felt something similar - now without fear of being rejected, he will open. If he gets scared and stops communicating, then so be it. But in this case, it is better if you find out about it as early as possible. After all, you can’t be “just a friend” anyway. So why pull? Good luck.
Choose a time when you will tell all your friends. Tell everything only if you are sure that you will move. Sometimes the family just talks about moving and maybe someone in the family has been offered a good job, but everything is decided at the last minute and, in the end, you may not go anywhere. You can confuse people by saying you're moving, but never moving. Therefore, to begin with, you need to be completely confident in the move. Also don't keep it a secret. It's not fair to your friends, and it won't be good if you just "disappear". Keeping everything under wraps won't make things any easier. In fact, without the support of friends, it will be much more difficult for you.
Decide who you will tell about it. Naturally, your best and closest friends should know about it. But you can also tell casual acquaintances if you communicate well with them. It's also a good idea to determine whether you want to tell your friends about it in person or tell everyone at once.
- Sometimes it may be easier to tell one friend who will pass on the news to other friends. It depends on the context of the friendship.
Select a good place to meet and discuss the move. If you know your friend will cry and react badly, it's best to do it in person. It is unfair to expose your friend to the gaze of onlookers. You can go to a secluded place, like climbing a tree or a garden, somewhere where no one knows you. If they are especially close friends, you can drink and dine together (in a cafe, bar or restaurant). So you can spend more time together, relax and discuss future prospects.
- You should have tissues just in case.
- If you are talking about everything to a group of friends, gather them around the dinner table or sit down together outside.
Be honest and tell it like it is. As soon as you know that you are moving, talk about it and say exactly where and when you are moving. Most of your friends will want to know why you're moving, so tell them if you can. If you can't tell the reason, talk to your family and ask them what you can say to other people. You might want to say the following:
- Say that you will miss all your friends. If you don't want to leave, put it into words.
- Say that you will be waiting for your friends to visit.
- Say that you already know what you want to do in the new place and can't wait for it. Say that they can stay with you.
Be prepared for a range of reactions. It's likely that your friends will get upset, some friends may react by hiding their sadness or shock, such as pretending it's "not important" or reacting like you don't appreciate them at all. If any of your friends react negatively, you should understand that, most likely, they are simply shocked and hurt by the fact that you are leaving. Try to treat them with understanding and give them some time. You can return to this discussion later.
- Don't be afraid to ask your friends how they feel about your move. Let them speak openly, and you must listen to them.
Explore the possibilities of communicating with your friends from a distance. If you haven't taken contacts yet, now is the time to exchange them!
- Join social networks such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and others.
- Exchange mobile phones in order to correspond via SMS; SMS are inexpensive, and you can easily exchange news.
- Download Skype or register on Google so that you can see each other's faces from time to time. Unsubscribe to your friends in the first week of your stay in a new place!
- Exchange mailing addresses. You may want to send something.
It may not be difficult for someone to confess their love, but for most people this business is a big obstacle in relationships, which is why some couples break up without having time to start a family. So how do you confess to the best friend in love and say that you love him very much?
LOVE DECLARATION AT A DISTANCE
No matter how difficult and costly it is, you need to confess your love only when you meet in person, looking into the eyes of your beloved man. But, if for some objective reason it is not possible to confess your love to your best friend in person, then do it remotely. We recommend that you read
TALK
It doesn't matter if you're talking on the phone or Skype or whatever, it's important that you speak to your best friend in voice and have a direct conversation. This will probably be the most the best way confess your love to your friend remotely. To confess to a friend in love using a telephone conversation, you need to follow a few rules. Do not try to confess your love immediately at the beginning of the conversation, it is advisable to call, chat on various topics, discuss whatever is interesting to both you and him, and at the very end, when you are ready to hang up, tell him that you love him. Any person really likes to be called by name, and therefore, at the end of the conversation, call your best friend by name and say: "Andryusha, I love you." Perhaps you will hear from your best friend, and I love you, or perhaps he will say that you are just friends and he should think about your words. Don't despair, keep trying.
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WRITTEN
Confessing love to your best friend in writing will not best idea. But in some cases, a person may simply not have the courage to say about love in the eye, and therefore the girl chooses a declaration of love through a letter or message. The best moment in writing to tell your best friend about love will be Valentine's Day (February 14), when all lovers confess their love to each other. If you wait, there is no point in waiting for this, and you want to speed up your declaration of love, then you can do this at any time. To do this, you can write a beautiful and confusing letter in which the guy will be able to notice your words about love for him, but after all, most likely you are not a poet, and therefore do not write poetry or a very beautiful letter yourself. You should not take template poems on the Internet or Love letters, it is not always appreciated. It is best to write a few words about love, but so that they are from yourself and your whole soul. For example, write like this: “Andryusha, you are very dear to me, when you are around, I forget about all my problems. I feel good with you and I want to say that I love you. ”, write something like this, but only in your own words and from your pure and warm heart. You can write as e-mail, SMS message, or any other way, since there are many opportunities now. We recommend that you read
LOVE DECLARATION PERSONALLY
Telling your best friend that you love them best is in person, when you are alone. The main thing here is your confidence and lack of fear to say I love you. Do not be afraid of his refusal, speak boldly and confidently. Of course, you should not immediately shout about love at your meeting, do it, as in a telephone conversation at the end of your date or meeting. To tell your best friend that you love him, set up the following situation: Invite him for a walk, take a walk, chat, you can even go to the cinema or sit in a cafe, and at the end of your meeting, at the moment when you are ready to leave, turn to the man face, take his hands in yours, gently kiss him on the cheek and say in your ear that you love him, after which you can hug him around the waist and snuggle up to him slightly. Do not be afraid of his refusal, do not be afraid that he will push you away, no, he will not push you away, because you are friends, most likely he will reciprocate. There are a lot of options on how to tell your best friend that you love him, you just need to connect your imagination and not be afraid to tell him about it.
Instead of telling your best friend that you love him, you can show it with actions, for this, take care of him and try to get close to him at every meeting not only spiritually, but also platonically. For example, at the end of your meeting, you can kiss him, kiss not only on the cheek, but also on the lips, most likely he will not mind, because friendship between a girl and a guy is not just friendship, it is a deeper relationship that is ready at any moment turn into love. We recommend that you read
There is a statement that between a man and a woman there cannot be friendly relations. However, life situations develop in the most diverse way, proving the opposite.
The question arises: "How to confess to a friend your love for him?". Friendly communication, as a rule, does not cross certain boundaries of relationships. Therefore, a sudden revelation of love sympathy will be erroneous, because instead of the expected reciprocity, it can cause a negative reaction from the other person. In such a situation, a rash and hasty confession of feelings will have a deliberately unsuccessful outcome.
In order to avoid an awkward situation, which may subsequently affect the friendship between people, you should choose the right moment. It is permissible to confess feelings for a friend not directly, but with the help of hints. An example is a fictional situation in which old friends, after some time of friendship, began a relationship as a couple of lovers. Most likely, the interlocutor will express his opinion on this situation. Thus, it will be possible to determine the attitude of the object of sympathy to such situations.
Opportunity for a declaration of love
A convenient moment for a frank conversation can be determined in the process of unobtrusive friendly communication. You can start with small experiments, narrowing the established boundaries of friendly interaction: compliment more often, change the look, mannerisms and tone during communication. It is known that non-verbal signals sent by the human body carry a large number of information. Observing the reaction of the interlocutor, you can determine his attitude, mood and emotions.
When talking, you should establish eye contact with a friend, touch him more often, gently stroke his hand. It is important to evaluate the interlocutor's reaction to the changes taking place during communication, which will indicate his readiness to hear a declaration of love. If a friend remains relaxed, does not use closed gestures, and responds with mutual touches, then talking about feelings is quite appropriate.
A declaration of love and serious intentions towards a friend can have a double meaning. For example, speaking of strong love feelings, and, having met an unexpected reaction (indignation, confusion, denial), we can say that the recognition is friendly and comic.
You can also confess your feelings for a friend in a letter. Having stated your attitude and thoughts, you can ask the object of sympathy to give an answer in the same form. Unlike personal confession, this method eliminates awkward pauses in conversation and a ruined meeting. In the worst case, not getting the expected reaction, you can ask a friend to maintain a trusting relationship without focusing on recognition.
