What to do if you hate your family. Recent requests for help. We have excellent living conditions

Family is a small universewhere we learn to become members of society. There are no perfect families, because there is no ideal people or societies. Each family, to a greater or lesser extent, transmits and reproduces traumas, neuroses and vacuums. However, in some cases this takes big sizes and marks the person deeply and negatively.

There is always some kind of luck in the familylittle or big hate. Although this sounds paradoxical, it does not exclude the existence of great love. Such are human feelings, ambivalent and contradictory. The family group is not exempt from this, and therefore it is normal to harbor grudges and pettiness.

"Manage your house and you will know how much wood and rice cost; educate your children and you will know how much you owe your parents".

Eastern proverb -

However, there are cases where one no longer speaks of petty hatreds, but of major fractures in attachment. There are few people in the world who openly declare their complete rejectionthe family they come from. They hate their family core. They are ashamed of their origin. The funny thing is that at the same time they express great appreciation and admiration for strangers, all those who are not part of their family environment.

Why did you come to hate the family?

hatredin relation to the family, this contains a great contradiction. It implies, somehow, to hate yourself. Genetically and socially, we are an integral part of this family nucleus, so there is a moment when we are inseparable from it. Despite this, many people experience feelings of lack of love and rejection from the family group. Corresponds to the adolescent attitude, which, nevertheless, persists in many adults.

This core is not what the person wants, and that is reason enough for her to reaffirm her affection.

Usually hatred towards the family arises because the person feels that it has seriously failed or that they have become a source of serious violence. long-suffering. A family fails a person when it generates high expectations that are subsequently not met, when it does not touch on some basic aspect of development, or when it implements a contradictory education in which something is said and something else is done quite differently.

Abuse, on the other hand, spans many realities. Physical or emotional rejection is one of them. Also verbal, physical or sexual abuse. Similarly, negligence or negligence is a form of mistreatment. Anything that implies a systematic denial of valuea person can be understood as an abuse.

There are cases when family members are ashamed of themselves or perceived as inferior to others.. They teach then in terms of self-abasement. This type of family is usually hermetic, does not want external contact. It is also one of the seeds of ensuing hatred or malice and the main reason for adopting the notion that strangers are more valuable than the family itself.

Overestimation for strangers

IN adolescence we all get a little mad at our family. Part of the identity search is based on this conflict. As children, we more or less passively accept family settings. As we grow, we begin to question them and especially look at their failures and mistakes. One of the steps that allows us to become adults is precisely overcoming this tension.

It is during adolescence that strangers appear who begin to have for us great importance. Of course, we are much more influenced by the opinions of our peers than by the vision of our parents. Little by little we discuss these contradictions and find a certain balance. We just finish solving the issue when we leave the house. Gradually, we managed to weigh what the family gave us and what took us. We realized that in most cases they never wanted to hurt us.

Sometimes the conflict stagnates. Then an adult person cannot leave the house or go away and see that heaven was not outside the house. It's also where people break their word or don't live up to their expectations. In this sense, one may be tempted to blame the family for our own disability. Also trapped in the belief that for others, for strangers, life is easier than for us. They are better prepared because they had best family.

Family hatred and stranger worship is an expression of unresolved adolescent conflict. It may not have been possible to understand that other family groups also have their breaks, their secrets and their neuroses. Perhaps hating our origins helps us shirk responsibility or keep us from "weaning." The bad news is that until these inconveniences are overcome, we are unlikely to be in the position of an adult.

Images courtesy of Nidhi Chanani

I am 69 years old and single. No, I have an older brother and sister. Nephews and great-nephews. But I'm lonely. But I hate them. But once we had a friendly big family. We lived in a large communal apartment. In one room 8 sq.m. 5 people - mom, dad and three children. In total, 49 people lived in the communal apartment. This is after the war. There were many children, they all played together, got sick, rushed along the long corridor. Our neighbors, the same big family, were almost relatives to us.

I was born prematurely, and a neighbor helped my mother nurse me. We sat in their rooms all the time, as it was cramped for everyone in our room. Aunt Olya always took lessons with us, read, as well as to her children, often fed, and Natasha was mine best friend. So we were friends with families, even when the site gave us an apartment and we moved, we were always together. Mom always listened to the opinion of this family very much. They lived here before the revolution, it was their apartment, and then they were compacted. ​

I grew up, . There was a regular man, but he treated me ugly. I could kick him out, then call back again. I had no other options, so I ran to him when he called. Then relations with him began to deteriorate so much that I realized that a breakup was inevitable. And lo and behold, I got pregnant. 10 years and nothing, and here is a last gift. I didn't need anything more from him. Only a child. I was so happy. But my family took this fact as an indelible shame. And they methodically began to put pressure on me for an abortion. I was 30 years old. My brother did the best. I worked as a simple nurse, there was little money. My brother did not want to accept me with a child. We all lived in a big apartment. Brother with family, mom, dad, sister and me.

My mother is a Russian site, my father is Georgian. I was told that our neighbors, who have done a lot in their lives for us, would not want to know me and would never accept me in their house. That I am a walker and a shame for the whole family. In general, my family just hounded me. So, I had an abortion. I will never forgive myself for this. When, after some time, I came to visit our neighbors and told my friend, she burst into tears and said: “Honey, why didn’t you tell us, we would help you, fence off part of the room for you and the child, there are a lot of children’s things. Why didn't you say anything?" I had no more Serious relationships I didn't get married.

I have been recovering from depression for a very long time. And she practically stopped communicating with her brother and sister. Now his brother is in bad condition multiple sclerosis and the family demands that I take him to my apartment and look after him. Even though he has 2 sons. I flatly refused. And his children were sent to a nursing home. I'm not gloating, but I don't consider the site to be his brother. I don't even want to visit him. He was the initiator of the persecution, spared me a place in the apartment. I don't talk much to my sister either. Got a cat. That's my whole family. And it could be a son. Oh how hard!

Can everything be bad if everything seems to be good? Silly tantrums or a cry of despair? Maternity "hormones" or the boundless fatigue of a housewife?

www.stihi.ru

Two days ago I woke up thinking that I hate my family. Terrible? I know it myself.

I have a wonderful husband who understands me and accepts me for who I am. Sergey is a homebody, so he spends most of his time at home, except for fishing on weekends and occasional meetings with friends. I'm in maternity leave with the second child, the difference between the children is 4 years.

The husband, a former athlete who cannot be pulled out of the house now, prefers to eat deliciously and play his favorite "Tanks".

Therefore, over the past couple of years, I have gained 15 extra pounds, but he does not try to lose them, claiming that everything is in order with him. She enjoys working with children and always fulfills my requests for help.

We have excellent living conditions

"Honey, you just got drunk"- said a friend, the only one to whom I, ashamed, tried to tell about outbursts of despair, tantrums and immense fatigue: "What are you missing? good husband, wonderful children, own apartment, good pre-decree work”

And really, what am I missing? Maybe this is the notorious crisis of 30?

www.prisnilos.su

By the way, I am 32 years old, for more than 7 years I have been working in the office of a small company and have a stable good salary, in fact, for useless work.

In the first decree, I tried to teach my daughter everything that should be done with early development methods.

In the second, I try to relax and not jump above my head:

• we walk a lot on the street,
• I read fairy tales to children
• I cook delicious lunches and dinners
• I bring the apartment in order,
• I am able to work a little.

No one insults me, does not beat me, does not stand with a whip behind his back.

www.islam.ru

And yet I sometimes feel so unhappy and tired that I want to sail away to a desert island and sit for a long time, silently, looking at the sea.

The problem is that I won’t be able to leave, at least for a day, to rest: I can’t leave my family for the sake of my strange ideas, and who should leave the children if the husband is at work and the grandmothers are very far away?

That's how we live: my husband silently endures my "psychos", and I will soon simply howl from a misunderstanding of what is happening to me.

Women, I beg you, I beg you, do not destroy the family, if there is even a drop of doubt! Especially if there are children in the marriage!

She married at the age of 20 for her first man. A daughter was born. My husband liked to hang out with friends, drink, and because of this we often fought. But in general, they lived like everyone else, no worse, no better. Over time, they cooled down to each other, ceased to be interested in business. Were getting further and further away.

There were also pleasant moments in our lives, but by the time I started a relationship on the side, it seemed that everything was getting worse and the marriage could not be saved. I told my husband that I loved another and filed for divorce. But the daughter did not want to move, she stayed with her dad. Then I was sure of the correctness of my decision, and that over time my daughter would live with me, but in fact she moved away from me, the site comes for the weekend, my heart breaks because I don’t see her every day, I can’t take care of her.

I have been living with my second husband for 1.5 years. At first, the feelings were very reverent, they could not breathe on each other, I was sure that this was Love. He was and remains attentive, caring, gentle. And now I notice behind myself that my passion and tenderness is fading away, and I don’t want to support it, and it’s so sad. My husband has a son, 10 years old. The son lives with us because his mother died a year ago in an accident. In the last six months, or maybe even earlier, I began to notice a negative attitude towards the boy, I notice, for example, that he ate and crumbled, or got dirty, or was too lazy to do his homework, or drew a picture - crooked and ugly. I don’t want to hug him, kiss him, talk to him, find out how he is doing and how his mood is, take care of him, comb his hair, feed him, treat him when he gets sick, in general, everything that a mother usually does for her child is care and attention.

I love my daughter, I am pleased to buy clothes for her, gifts, hug, kiss, and so on, but I don’t feel anything like that for the boy. Of course, I don’t say this out loud and don’t show it with my behavior, I try not to show it. The boy is very similar to his dead mother, and I sometimes find myself thinking that I dislike his appearance. Although the child is not rude to me, not rude, he obeys. It makes me feel so disgusted, but I can't bring myself to love him. If someone had told me earlier that he had such feelings for stepchildren, I would have condemned. How can you, these are children! But now, more and more often, I think that only their own parents need children, and other people are not obliged to love them in principle, and what kind that destroyed the first marriage and entered into the second. I feel like I'm in a real soul evil stepmother. Probably, jealousy for my spouse still speaks in me, because he lives with his son, and I can’t live with my daughter, although he’s not the site’s fault, of course.

Or maybe I'm not capable of love at all? How to be? Continue to endure an unloved child nearby, clenching your teeth, and go crazy for your own daughter? Or to liberate these people from themselves, the husband and his son, from a woman incapable of compassion and love? Or is there some way to accept a non-native child, at least not to feel disgust for him? I hate myself, I am in a deep depression, even thoughts of suicide arise.